Title: Not Barney

Author: samnmax

Rating: G

Summary: Barney's gone. Haaaave ya met Not Barney?

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Author's Notes: My first piece of fan fiction ever. Read and respond. ANY kind of criticism/pointers are greatly appreciated.

It isn't until well into the night, after several drinks have been consumed, that she begins to think that there's something seriously wrong with him. It's not really something that can be defined. It's more a lack of something.

The way his eyes don't wander over to the blonde at the bar. How he didn't make a lame couple-dom joke when Ted left because Stella called and said she needed milk. And, no, the 2% in the fridge wasn't what she wrote down on the grocery list.

Lately, it's as if he, somewhere along the line, became human like the rest of them.

There was a distinct lack of high fives and the "legendary" plans that he always had at the ready, had dwindled down to nothing. Even his appearance, usually so suave and immaculate, had, to Lily's trained eye, seems to have just.... lost its spark.

Almost as if he didn't care.

Like some Not Barney had taken over her friend's body.

Which is insane because if there's one thing Barney Stinson prides himself on it's appearance. Why, then, was the suit slightly wrinkled? The shoes not exactly reflecting what little light was in Maclaren's? Lily ponders these questions until Marshall lightly taps her shoulder.

"Hey, you in there?", he smiles.

Slightly dazed, she responds. "What? No, yeah. I'm fine. Just kind of zoned for a minute."

He kissed the tip of her nose and she can't help but fall in love with him for the millionth time. "I'm gonna call it a night; those briefs aren't going to write themselves. See you at home?"

She nods, watches him leave. Notices how Barney doesn't even acknowledge Marshall's departure. Just stares, transfixed, into his glass of scotch.

Lily finishes her drink and heads to the bar to settle her tab. The bar door opens quickly, the sounds of the street outside filtering in, breaking a silence throughout the bar that she hadn't even been aware existed.

Robin smiles at her as she heads for their booth.

When Lily turns around, for the briefest of moments, Not Barney is nowhere to be found.