I mean this as no offence! Seriously, this is just crack!

DISCLAIMER: I don't think DreamWorks wants to be charged for illegal drug use, since this was clearly written on it.


Jack Frost loved his sister. He would gladly give his life to save her time and time again. He would go to the ends of the earth to find her. He would be her hero on the ice, or her villain under the ice, whichever she needed.

Jack Frost also loved the Guardians. They were his family and he would do anything to keep them together. He would do anything they asked of him, even if it tore him apart. He would even suffer isolation again if it meant keeping them safe.

And of course, Jack Frost also loved Jamie, his first believer, and the Burgess kids. He was willing to face Pitch all over again if it meant no harm would come their way. He would protect them always, even if it meant that they would hate him. He would always look out for them, even if it meant they wouldn't believe anymore.

(He could give a rat's ass about Pitch.)

He would do anything for them.

But when it came to Fanfiction dot Net, that's where he drew the line.

Jack Frost loved snowballs. They were little bundles of fun and it always caused delight whenever one was thrown. Battles and wars would be waged, and the only thing that would win was the cold. To Jack, snowball fights were like heaven's sport, and the snowball was the ball. But when the annual meeting for the RotG Fanfiction Debate came up, and all the characters (and I do mean all) would converge into one big melting pot, well, things just snowballed out of control.

First there were the OC's. They were everywhere. In the doorways, under the table, in the freaking closet that was in the room for some odd reason. Now, Jack could understand that yeah, sometimes you need OC's to advance the plot, or that it might just be a lot of fun to write about your OC with your favorite character. But seriously?! Every other story that wasn't about a collection of oneshots or Pitch getting revenge or an AU, was a freaking romance novel! Again, don't get Jack wrong, he thought it was sweet of the fans to do this, but it got too old, too fast. And the whole 'new guardian' business? Didn't they know that being chosen as a Guardian was, I don't know, rare?

Jack sighed and really hoped that the fangirls (or fanboys, don't discriminate!) weren't reading this. Then he scowled as he realized that one of them was probably writing this.


And somewhere out there in the universe, a teenaged girl that was hunched over her computer screen sneezed.


Next was the OOC-ness. It created an absolute mess for them, twisting and distorting their emotions. A lot of things happened due to it... like how one time, Jack kept breaking down crying every few seconds for no absolute reason. He shuddered as he recalled it. Another time, North was working quietly at workbench, not saying a word. At all. Not a single time that day. It was horrifying. Then there was this one time when a rabid JackRabbit shipper came up with this story and some things got out of hand, and oh how hot he felt when Bunny-

No, Jack, no. That is the inner fangirl the authoress has put in you, Jack reminded himself.


And somewhere out there in the universe, a teenaged girl that was hunched over her computer screen smiled and said, "Yes. Yes it is."


But the absolute worst thing was 'The Pitch Perfect Incident.' Even now, he still had nightmares about the fully grown Nightmare King in a pink dress ("Robe!" Pitch yells in the background, wrestling with some random OC for no apparent reason), singing an off tune 'Cups' song, with rainbow-unicorn Nightmares galloping in step. Oh moon, why?

But the Debate wasn't horrible. He got to see his sister again, and the vague voice that was his mother. They sat together and reminisced about good times, although the movie only showed bits and pieces for about 30 seconds before they decided to go ahead and jump to the death scene. Sheesh, what was it with people wanting to kill him?

"Jack," his sister called to him, bringing his attention back to the present. He glanced down at her and gave a 'hmm?' sound.

She rolled her eyes at him before saying the words Jack had been dreading all day. "Why is my character slot just 'Jack's Sister'?"

And like Jack feared, all hell broke lose.

"Well, at least you aren't forgotten," Pippa snarled at her, with Jamie shaking behind her. "They use my name for you!"

"Yeah, well," Cupcake joined in, not wanting to be left out of the catfight. "You aren't named about a freaking snack!"

Arguments flew through the air, as well as punches, kicks, and a few teeth to Tooth's delight and dismay.

"NAME STEALER!"

"RANDOM KID IN TOWN!"

"WHY COULDN'T I BE NAMED ECLAIR?! IT'S SO MUCH PRETTIER!"

"CHRISTMAS!"

"EASTER!"

"TEETH!"

*THIS IS FOR STABBING ME IN THE BACK, B*TCH!*

"THIS IS FOR RAINBOW!"

Everyone stopped and stared at Pitch.

"What? He's my Nightmare!"

The fighting resumed.

"EVERYONE CALM DOWN!"

"SAYS MISTER 'JACK-FROST'S-FIRST-BELIEVER'!"

"YOU MAIN CHARACTER!"

"SERIOUSLY, MONTY?! THEY COULDN'T THINK OF A DORKIER NAME?!"

Throughout it all, Jack was the only one who had not raised his voice, complained, or had gotten engaged in a fight. He was quietly sneaking his way to the doors, out to freedom. Unfortunately, it seemed that luck was not at his side today, or he was stuck in a really bad fanfiction.

"WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING?!" Bunny roared, yanking the poor spirit back into the chaos.

Damn you authoress! Jack thought.


And somewhere out there in the universe, a teenaged girl hunched over her computer screen cackled in delight and cried, "DANCE PUPPET, DANCE!"


Jack Frost loved his sister. He also loved his new family, the Guardians. And of course, he loved his believers, Jamie and the Burgess kids. But when he ended up with several hickies (not pointing any fingers here... BUNNY! XD), an urge to do the Macarena, covered in glitter and what suspiciously looked like hot sauce, unable to get off his ass and walk, somehow ending up in a motel in freaking Mexico, and feeling as though he ate one of North's fruitcakes, that's where he drew the line. Unfortunately, the line had been drawn in pencil and was easily erased. Maybe next time he should draw it with marker-wait, that would smear. Permanent marker then, yes.

Now he had could either wallow in self-pity for the next few hours or he could go and confront said people.

He decided to screw it all and blame it on the OCC-ness. And the authoress.


And somewhere in the universe, a teenaged girl hunched over her computer screen finally turned and looked at the audience. "The End!"


As I said before, no offence!