They say that nothing matter in the end. No, everything matters. If not, then why did you live?

[1]

Edward

I took her to bed, read her a bedtime story and kissed her forehead. "Good night, my little angel." Renesmee squeezed my hand before I got up from the bed. I squeezed her little hand back and smiled to her lovingly.

I left her dreaming in her room and went to the living room. I sat by the fire on a leather armchair. I stared at the fire. Soon I would start mourning again. And no one will see me. I hope Renesmee doesn't hear it. But she couldn't. She wasn't thinking about it at least. Only nice little colors in her dreams. They calmed me a bit. But not enough.

Strangled sobs came through my tightly closed lips. Does she hear me? Does she love me still? God, I love her. This is so unfair... I want her back. I need her back. I'm falling into pieces and no one sees it. I'm thorn apart from life. A part of me belongs to Bella and when she left, she took it with her. Now that part of me is dead. But at least some of me was with her. But still it wasn't enough. My mind was down here. And my mind misses my heart.

I love Renesmee, but she loves Jacob. Jacob will be enough for her. He will take care of her I know that for sure. She just needs to have her father with her a little longer. I need to try to be with her as long as I could. Hold on. Be persistent.

I love my family too, but they have each other. And besides they don't need a depressed member in there family any longer. Jasper must have hated me for a long time for making him feel so sad as well. I could hear that my feelings were so strong that he couldn't make out his own feelings from them.

So I stayed in the cottage with Renesmee more often than at the Cullen house. But even with Renesmee the house wasn't my home. Because home is where your heart is. I got very confused about where I should be. But I think myself was aware of it and made it easier for me to understand. I was fading away. My armor was on me pretending to be me, when at the same time I was loosing myself in the inside. Loosing myself away.

But it only meant that soon I would find my home again.