Death to the Mary-Sue's
I took a long drag off of my cigar as my unit and I sat out in the snow, huddled by a miniscule campfire in the middle of what looked like Syria in wintertime. I pulled out my knife and started to grind a whetstone against it to sharpen the blade and knock off the accumulating rust.
I look up at the rest of my team, Their faces are cold and shivering behind the beaked hoods they wear, huddled together to make up for lost heat. Almost all of them wore the standard Assassins robes with a slight alterations made here and there the most prominent is the armband with the letters M and S crossed out. This shows that my unit is the proud task force sent out for the sole purpose….
Of killing Mary-Sues.
Our unit was commissioned by the leaders of the Fanfiction OC Integration Team or FOIT to track down and kill all illegally integrated OC's. These OC's, dubbed Mary-Sue's by FOIT, are the scourge of writers and popular video game and movie titles alike, being overall perfect yet somehow scarred by some tragic past that usually has to do with the main protagonist.
Right now my unit is deployed in the Assassins Creed sector of the Internet, we have been here for about three days in the cold, waiting for our scouts to report.
"Hey Sarge, Heard back from Scott and Marty yet?" My corporal Sean asked, "Not yet, Sean, those assholes seem to be taking their sweet merry time." I say back. Sean resumes huddling and shivering with the rest of the group.
Then my Codec starts to buzz, "Sarge? Sarge, do you read me?" "Loud and clear, Scott, What's your status?" I was relieved to hear the voices of at least one of my scouts. "One, possibly two targets, definitely MS, their location is up in Masyaf Castle, they seem to be swooning over Altair and Malik, sir." "Hold your position and don't loose sight of them! The others are en route. Sarge out."
I stand up and look at the rest of my men, "Look lively, boys! We got ourselves some Sues to get!" The troop let out a Whoop and gathered their gear before falling in line behind me.
After about a mile we caught up with Scott and Marty, "Up there, Sarge." I took his binoculars and peered up the rocky slope.
There were two girls, both looking under 17 yet wearing Grand Assassin armor with bright pink and purple highlights in their hair and massive amounts of cleavage showing, were up chasing around Altair and Malik with hearts in their eyes and yaoi pictures clutched in their hands (with all ten fingers!)
"Alright boys, lets go." I signaled to the unit. We slowly climbed the face of the mountain and up the side of the castle and onto the roof, we peered down to see the two girls cornering the Assassins. "Watch for my signal." I whispered then jumped down to the floor.
"Halt, Identify yourselves, OC's!" I barked at the girls. They turned and looked at me with their multi-colored and constantly changing eyes, The one with bright blue hair shouted "Hiya! My name is Maria La Volpe Connor Auditore!" The other one perked up, "and I'm Jazmin Al Sayaf Ibn Al Ahad!" I looked over at the now cowering Assassin leaders and smirked
"Perfect." I reached into my pocket and threw a grey and red looking powder at them. They coughed a few times, "Oh now you've done it, you just messed with the wrong girls." I smirked at them "So what?" I sneered at them "we both became Super Speshul Master Assassins after only a year here, you don't stand a chance! Now you'll die with one swipe of our unbreakable swords that happen to be Pieces of Eden!" They unsheathed their weapons and swung, I raised my arms and let the blades hit my hands, the blades, however shattered on impact. They looked down at the hilts of their once great weapons and whimpered.
I laughed and held up another handful of the powder and said "Anti-Sue Dust, You have no power of Speshulness anymore." They were still in shock of not having the awesome power they usually posses. I lit another cigar " You girls are in direct violation of the OC laws of the Internet and have been hereby ordered to be executed by FOIT." One of the girls stirred and looked at me with tears. "Who are you monsters?" I looked up "We are the Mary-Sue Elimination Squad, and you are our targets."
I raised my hand and clenched it into a fist, the next second, my units had dropped on them and had their hidden blades in the Sues' throats. "I apologize, Masters Altair and Malik, If this ever happens again, use this to call us." I handed Altair a button with the Units' symbol on it, he nodded and then I called in my report to FOIT.
Then I turned to my troops, "Next stop, home-base, boys!" Cheers and huzzas went around as the portal opened and we were sucked back into home sweet home
The end
So, how's That for a sue slayer story, huh? Leave reviews and suggestions for where the sequel should be.
(I'm not all that well with most anime series)
