Confessions 1:
I know what they think about me. I know what they say behind my back. That I am old, old destroyed madman, who sees nothing but his own power and who cares of nothing else. Who has even neglected his own sons and helped his young innocent wife to die so soon in vain despair. And I agree with everything, even though I must laugh – do they really wonder why I have become a person I am now?
The war is almost over, they whisper. Fools, they still manage to live in that silly illusion. I know better. Observing the future in my Palantir, I watch this strange elf entering my city. My head whirls with emotions. Maybe it is just some sort of Sauron´ s magic trick – to show me in my last days the one I lost so soon, to remind me of my misery, to feed on my despair. What a fruitlessness! I am unhappy every single day and I really did my best to let it become my official pose. It is the smallest thing I could do for him. I could not imagine live a happy, peaceful life when he is there – alone in the darkness. I will remain his partner for the rest of my miserable life. If he cannot enjoy life and hapiness, how could I? He took everything from me to the grave. Now it is finally good time to join him, no work remaining here for me, my heir is dead and the city is slowly succumbing into darkness. I have resigned.
And yet it seemed different in the beginning, me having all the power and authority in my hands, him only a nervous piece of so strange being, completely lost here and so completely in my mercy - a feeling I - an old fool - liked so much at first.
I know nothing about all the procedures that brought him to me, they were fully in competence of my advisors. His father was a mighty ruler, it was enough for them and even for me. I had not any arguments against that union, of course, nobody could expect from me neglecting my previous lovers. I wanted to have everything.
He arrived with his company and after just a few days, the celebrations started. I did not have any chance to meet him privately, but the distance was enough for me to bless my advisors to bring me such a jewel. He was tall, slim, with perfect figure, longer black hair, green eyes. Everyone who met him was amazed by him. Only I seemed to be indifferent.
First days I let him get used to live among men, we met only during lunchtime, he ate quickly, his eyes never leaving his plate. When I addressed him with some casual remark, he always almost jumped like in an alarm, trying to answer as best as possible. His eyes reminded me of those of frightened animal, forced to live in captivity. My advisors whispered to me that I was supposed to do the unevitable. „The prince is old and strong enough, he should get used to this part of his life". Or some were braver:„ You should think of you needs, your Majesty!" But I resisted.
He would spend his days among his people, who stayed with him in my city for some months. As far as I knew, he dedicated much time to studies of our language and customs, his advisors asked for the teachers in his name. I consented willingly.
After some time the other elves from his company left my city, leaving him alone, just with me. My people told me the elves were unhappy here, so the prince let them leave, condemning himself to the life among strangers. I felf sympathy for him, for his courage and good heart.
