Hi! The following story will be my own personal take on what could have happened to Severus after his death in book seven. I have been thinking about this idea for months and am proud to finally give you my first chapter. Please enjoy my story.
A special thanks goes out to Obsidian Embrace for doing some beta work on a large portion of this first chapter.
Disclaimer: I do not own the Harry Potter series. The wonderful J.K. Rowling does—I just write about her books for my own personal pleasure.
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Wish Upon a Star
By Ponytail Goddess
Chapter 1: A Confusing Arrival
The heavens were above them, stretching from each edge of the sky as far as the eye could see and beyond. Navy blue swirled with deep violet encompassed every being on the darkened side of the planet Earth. However, the soft glow of diamonds lit the sky and took the edge off the dark blanket that threatened to smother the inhabitants of the planet up in its heaviness.
Beneath the endless mystery of the dark cover laid two tiny figures, both staring upward into the abyss from the top of a two story, rickety old brick house at the end of an abandoned street. One was a woman in her early 30's with straggly black hair that was in a low ponytail and sad eyes that stared into the beyond without any wonder dancing in them. The second was a bony boy of no more than nine years, with a large nose and the same wispy hair as the woman. Despite all of the haunting things that the boy had already witnessed in his short life, his black eyes gleamed with admiration and awe of what he was viewing.
For the longest time, the two figures sat in silence, both basking in their respective moods as the sandpapery shingles dug into their backs and arms with a vengeance that went unnoticed by both. Finally, the boy could no longer stand such silence and broke it with a soft spoken question.
"Mother," he asked, turning his head towards the woman slowly, "why do Muggles wish on stars?"
For a long time the woman was silent, never taking her gaze off the all-encompassing sky above her. Despite this, the boy kept looking at her, waiting patiently for an answer. Finally, in a soft voice that reflected her great suffering, she replied, "I suppose it's because they hope for something greater than what they have."
The boy frowned a little at this answer, as it was not what he had wanted to hear. "Yes, but are they really magical? Can they really grant wishes to Muggles?" he asked, clearly intrigued by the mystery, even if his mother was not.
The woman wrapped her arms around herself as if she was uncomfortable thinking about such things. After another prolonged silence, she spoke. "Child, Muggles do not have magic. To Muggles, wishing on stars is just a part of their mythology and fictional stories they tell children before they go to sleep at night. However, unlike flying on brooms and making potions, there isn't an equivalent to wishing upon a star in wizardom today."
"But I thought that all Muggle mythology was based upon muddled up stories of wizardom! Hasn't anyone researched stars?" The words immediately flew out of the boy's mouth, which caused the mother to roll her eyes at her son's thirst for knowledge. The boy really was much too smart for his own good—children were supposed to be more concerned with play than ancient history. However, her son was more mature than most children his age, due to their family's interesting circumstances. The boy had no playmates and therefore focused all of his attention on learning about the magical world.
"There are a few things…" the mother replied weakly. "In theory, it is very powerful magic—perhaps some of the most powerful in existence. However, certain criteria must be met in order for it to work and most of those have been lost to the ages. The few bits of information that are known are more speculation than anything else. It is just something that the experts ponder over tea—I daresay they will never find all the ans-"
"EILEEN!"
Both the woman and the child froze, not moving or even breathing from their positions on the roof. The sound of awkward feet stumbling up the stairs and hard object banging against the wall could be heard from below.
"Bitch…where the fuck are you?" Came the slurred voice of the woman's husband, the sound coming closer as uneven steps approached from behind them. "Better come out and get me some more whiskey before I…before I find you and beat you with my belt!"
Any emotion that had shown on the woman's face before that moment disappeared as she wrapped her arms around her scrawny torso in a lousy attempt to quell her fear. Her son silently reached out and touched her arm for a second, but she quickly nudged it away, her eyes looking haunted as they both heard uneven footsteps approaching the window they had crawled out of to get on the rickety roof of the house.
Her heart raced in her chest—would tonight be the night he climbed out here to find them? What if she or her son fell off the roof while trying to get away from the drunken monster?
The footsteps stopped at the window and the woman could smell the liquor on her husband; he was close. Both bodies on the roof were frozen in fear as they waited to be caught and punished for their actions.
However, the yelling never came. The unsteady feet backed away from the window as quickly as they had arrived, announcing their departure with a great crash of what the woman assumed was a lamp overturning.
After about 15 minutes of stumbling and stomping about the second floor of the rickety old house, both mother and child heard the drunken man stumble back down the stairs again, leaving them in peace and quiet. Despite this, the mother still held hugged herself tightly with her shaking arms, giving off the appearance of being much further away from the boy than a foot.
"Mother…" The boy whispered softly, looking at her with concern. She didn't answer him. However, because the boy had been in this situation before, he knew she might still be listening to him and rattled off yet another question. "Mother, you said that most of the criteria are unknown today, but implied that some still are. What are they?"
Still, the woman did not answer or move and the boy gave up. The presence of her violent husband had struck fear into her heart and zapped all of her sanity away for the night. When afraid, the woman locked away her intelligence and simply ceased to be.
This did not stop the boy from looking up at the stars and making a wish though. On that very night, Severus Snape looked up at the stars and wished that his mother would be granted the courage to pack up her belongings and take him away from his father so they would both be safe and happy.
Sadly, he did not meet the criteria that night and the stars did not grant him his wish. Young Severus was not a quitter though. He remembered the words his mother had spoken about the stars and believed that there must have been some truth to the story. Everytime he hid from his drunken father on the rooftop at Spinner's End, he made a wish with the hopes that perhaps this time, he would meet the criteria and be one of the luckiest wizards in the world. Though none of them ever came true, he still found himself still making silent wishes to the stars well into his adulthood.
Little did Severus know that he would indeed meet the criteria as he stared out the broken window of the shrieking shack, dying…
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Midnight.
Midnight.
"Midnight!" Severus gasped as his eyes shot open and he quickly sat up in bed, breathing heavily from his nightmare. He stared down at his blanket-covered legs for a moment while he caught his breath.
However, he found himself looking at a very unfamiliar duvet. This made him immediately glance around the room and realize that everything about it was unfamiliar. Gone was the dank dungeon smell he was accustomed to, a light cinnamon scent replacing the familiar must and mold. Instead of the stony castle walls were normal walls with a leafy border that Severus could just barely make out from the little ray of light that peeked out of the crevice between the curtains.
Severus stared at the green ivy border with deep confusion. He had just died, right? It felt like only moments ago when Nagini had ripped the soft flesh away from his neck. He still remembered the choking feeling, the blood catching and pooling in his mouth, slowly drowning him and sweeping him away from his familiar world.
He also remembered the eyes. Harry Potter's eyes, to be precise, though they were exact replicas of his Lily's eyes…oh Lily. How deeply he had yearned for her in those last moments while regrets numbed his body as he drew his last few breaths.
Severus took a few more calming gulps of air as he tried to decide exactly where he was. He had always believed that there was some sort of afterlife awaiting him, but he hadn't really pictured anything like this: the place looked like a typical room from his old life. "Shouldn't there be something different here?" he thought to himself, "Something special? Something that I couldn't get on Earth?"
A soft groan coming from Severus' immediate right startled him. His eyes immediately shot down to the lump in the duvet beside himself. Red locks peeked out of the deep green duvet as the figure underneath it turned away from him to face the wall.
Severus' mind went blank.
Could it be…
Severus' heart sped up as he looked down at the sleeping body beside him, registering the sound of her even breaths for the very first time. He stood as still as a wall for a second, then carefully reached over and brushed his fingers against one of the strands that was bunched out, away from her head.
It was real. She was really there. Severus could not believe his luck—Lily was here with him in the afterlife! He had been certain she would be with James! Perhaps she had loved him all along, just as he had imagined all of the lonely years after her death.
He had also had this dream in the past, many times in fact. In his recurring dream, he would wake up snuggled next to Lily and proceed to pull up her green satin lingerie and make passionate love to her.
Well, why not do it now? Why not indulge now that he finally had within reach, the only thing he had ever wanted in life?
Severus did not wait a moment longer—he gently scooted towards the red-headed figure, grabbed the blanket that was covering her and pulled it down a bit so he could get a good look at her face. He almost let out a sigh of relief when he saw that it really was her under the blanket. Severus had been let down so many times in life that he automatically expected the worst in most situations, this one included.
Though it was Lily, lying there with her eyes closed, she did not look anything like he had pictured in his dreams. Gone was the green lingerie that he had always pictured so vividly in his mind; it was instead replaced with a plaid, long-sleeved flannel night gown that showed off none of the curves that he desired to see. Her long red locks that she always sported had vanished and were replaced with a chin-length bob that Severus was not accustomed to seeing.
Confused by this drastic change, Severus hesitated for a minute. Something was really odd about this whole situation, as he had never seen her with hair like that during her life. Come to think of it, she looked a bit older as well in the face, though he could not pinpoint exactly how.
"Lily?" Severus questioned softly, his voice filled with confusion as he gently touched her cheek with the back of his hand.
Immediately, Lily's eyes crinkled up in annoyance, remaining closed as she pulled the cover back up to her eyes. "Mmm…not now Severus," he heard her mumble into the sheets as she settled back into the duvet.
Well…this was certainly not part of Severus' normal dream, in which Lily was rather compliant. In fact, this had the semblance of real life; perhaps the afterlife was no different than real life, Severus concluded as he gazed upon the obviously aged Lily.
With that in mind, he decided that it wouldn't hurt to try again. "Lily," he said a bit louder, giving her shoulder a light shake this time.
Bad idea. Livid green eyes popped open and glared at him from beneath the duvet. "Get your own breakfast Severus," she snapped. "It's my day off and I'm going to sleep in!"
Severus' eyes widened as he watched her scoot as far from him as she could without falling off the bed and then settled herself down on her stomach, facing away from him. Why was Lily addressing him in such a harsh manner when he had finally just arrived in her presence?
Unease filled Severus' mind up to the brim as he tried his hardest to analyze the situation. Something was really wrong with all of this, but Severus couldn't quite place his finger on it. He knew he should be dead…at least, he remembered dying, though the memories were rather vague. If he had survived though, Lily would not have been with him in the first place. Why was she aged? Why was she ignoring him when he had just arrived to be with her?
Deeply confused, but wanting to make things right with Lily, Severus laid back down and gently pulled the covers over himself. Trying his best not to disturb her, Severus wrapped his arm around her flannel-covered body and nuzzled his cheek against her ear before kissing it. "I'm sorry for making you angry," he murmured into her ear, before snuggling up next to her.
Yet again, Severus seemed to have done the wrong thing, as he felt the body next to him in bed yank itself away from him and onto the cold wooden floor with a bang that rumbled throughout the house. Unceremoniously, a very disheveled Lily jerked herself up off the floor and stared at him from a few feet away, her wild red locks half covering her shocked face.
"What is wrong with you?" she hissed, pushing her hair away from her face to reveal eyes that were starting to leak like an old basement. "You think you can give me the cold shoulder for years and then suddenly, out of the blue when you fancy getting off, you can make up with me just like that?" she asked in an upset, high-pitched voice. "If so, you're more of an idiot than I thought Severus."
Severus was horrified by this. "Lily, I-"
"Why now? Why now of all times would you care about upsetting me? Severus, you've been upsetting me for years! One measly 'sorry' cannot fix all of that, for Merlin's sake!" she said rather loudly, nearly yelling.
Silence followed her loud declaration and it cut Severus even more deeply than her screams. She stared at him like he was a piece of hippogriff shit on her duvet as she struggled to catch her breath, having gotten thoroughly worked up in the last few minutes. He looked at her desperately trying to understand her pleas as his heart pounded much faster than it normally did.
If only he understood…
"Lily," he finally said in a grave voice, "I've done a lot of bad things in my life, but I've never meant to hurt you—never. I don't know what to do to make this right." Pausing while he tried to pull his pathetic thoughts together and say the right thing, he finally said softly, in a tear-laden voice, "…but I want this to be alright. I don't want to fight anymore."
Having no idea how to continue that train of thought, Severus shut his mouth and stared at Lily, waiting for a reaction. Her glare did not let up, however, as she stared right back at him.
Expecting the worst, Severus turned his back on Lily and scooted to the other side of the bed where he hung his feet over the side and leaned over so that he cradled his face in his hands. He felt even more helpless now than when she had died. He had hoped so much that this would finally be his time to feel loved by her, but it simply wasn't meant to be. Like all of Severus Snape's many hopes and dreams, this one was shot down as well.
It wasn't just a normal dream or hope for him though; it was an obsession. There was nothing that he had wanted more than to see her in the afterlife and now even that was screwed up. Hell, he wasn't even sure if this was the afterlife! He still seemed to be breathing and touching things, after all!
Severus hoped upon everything sacred that it was all just a dream and that he would wake up soon from a coma after having all of Nagini's poison pumped from his body. "Please, let it be a dream," he muttered to himself, "…please."
Merlin help him if it was not.
Therefore, Severus waited to be woken up, sitting there with his face in his hands, trying his best not to think about all of the confusion that was surrounding him. "I am not crazy," he thought to himself repeatedly, "It's just a dream, just a dream…"
But it wasn't going away either. What if he ended up trapped in his mind for the rest of his life? Or worse yet, trapped in this room with his soul mate who would forever be unwilling to speak to him.
Afraid of being trapped, Severus got up to see if he even could leave the room, looking back only for a second to see what Lily was doing. She was still in bed, a big pillow over her head, curled up as far away from him as she could get.
The fact that she didn't accept his apology was eating away at him, but he supposed that if this was just a dream, it wouldn't matter in end. At least, that's what he tried to convince himself of as his hand touched the doorknob leading to the unknown.
The knob felt real and cold under his fingers and so without further hesitation, Severus found himself turning it slowly, uncertain of what awaited him on the other side. A soft click could be heard as the door sprung to life. Severus gave it a soft push open.
It led to a hallway—a white, well-lit hallway with a dark brown wooden floor. There was nothing odd about it really, though Severus was certain that he'd never been in this house before. Silently, his bare feet padded across the smooth wood down to where the hallway opened up to two different rooms. On one side was a kitchen, complete with dark wooden cabinets, a wood stove, a pantry, and a table with five chairs around it. The other room was a parlor of sorts, packed with some comfy looking chairs and ottomans.
Immediately, Severus decided to go into the kitchen because it was much less cluttered than the other space. With a shaking hand, Severus pulled out one of the chairs and took a seat. Purposefully, he cleared his thoughts for a moment and was relieved when his heart started beating a bit slower, as it had been racing in panic ever since he woke up.
After sitting in silence for a few seconds, Severus jumped as a newspaper materialized on the table. Immediately, he grabbed it roughly and jerked it open. It was the Daily Prophet, but it was dated for December 14th of the previous year. The main article was not about the war that had taken place at Hogwarts just yesterday either—instead, it was yammering on about an illicit potions bust that had taken place in Knockturn Alley last night.
Quickly flipping through the pages of the paper, Severus searched desperately for something familiar to what he had witnessed yesterday before dying. There was nothing, not even one mention of lousy Harry Potter, who was infamously featured in nearly every issue of the Daily Prophet.
What in the name of Merlin's beard was going on around here?
Sighing with a mixture of irritation and fear, Severus put down the paper and started to open up cabinets with the hopes of finding some tea or a calming draught to sooth his frazzled nerves. The first thing Severus found was an old, stained teapot, which he set down on the counter as he searched for some tea and cups. Eventually, he found the correct cabinet and looked through the large assortment of teas that were available to him.
While there were quite a few varieties of tea, Severus found it rather odd that a majority of them seemed to be labeled memory enhancers in his own messy scrawl. Why would anyone need that many different memory enhancing teas?
In fact, seeing all of those teas made Severus wonder if he had perhaps forgotten something very important. Perhaps they were all for him because he could not remember the details of his life. Sadly, that hypothesis seemed to be the most accurate one he had come up with all morning. Feeling dejected and confused, Severus took out a memory aiding tea that was enhanced with ginko biloba and set about putting the water on for his tea.
As his water heated over the stove, Severus sat at the table with his head cradled in his hands, trying to figure out what was going on. Had he really forgotten his life? Had someone perhaps oblivated him? Had he never died at all?
None of it made sense, not one bit. He had no memory of the house he was in, no memory of how Lily had gotten in his bed, no memory of anything of import…
Getting up to steep his tea, Severus found himself clearing his mind once again because his thoughts were far too confusing. However, his calm did not last long as Lily popped into the kitchen with a grouchy look on her face. Severus grabbed his teacup and sat down with the hopes of staying out of her way. Picking up the paper, Severus hid himself from her and silently listened as Lily opened up cabinets and prepared things behind him.
It seemed surreal.
Then, she suddenly erupted. "Oh for Merlin's sake, Severus! The ginko tea? You tested one of those potions on yourself last night without telling me, didn't you?"
Curious, Severus turned around in his chair and asked her, "What kind of potion?"
Had he really been here last night? Awake?
Sighing, Lily sat down with her own cup of tea and finally looked at with an expression of resignation. "What's the last thing you remember Severus?" she asked darkly.
"Getting bitten by a large snake," Severus replied, uncertain about where this conversation was going.
"When did you get bitten by a large snake?" Lily asked with a hint of worry manifesting in her eyes.
"Yesterday," he said and then waited for her reaction.
"Yesterday?" She repeated, confused. "Bloody hell Severus, what have you done to yourself this time around? I'll go see if you left me any instructions on how to bring you to rights."
Lily got up walked back down the hallway, leaving Severus alone to listen to the hot sizzle of bangers frying on the stove. A few minutes later she came barging back in, looking rather angry.
"Well, we had better just hope it comes back, now hadn't we? Since you weren't responsible enough to leave out any directions or even a recipe! You know, I'm sure you don't remember now, but I have told you time and time again not to do this without leaving some sort of note!" Lily ranted, flushed with anger. "One of these times you're going to mess up the potion or dosage and without a note, I'll be stuck with you like this!"
Severus didn't know how to respond to this, so he opted to sit in silence as Lily walked behind him to check the bangers. A few minutes later, a plate with bangers and a scone was set in front of him.
"Thank you," he said softly, putting down the paper he had previously been hiding behind and looked at the food set before him. He watched as Lily took a seat in front of him, carefully avoiding his eyes.
"Where are the forks?" he suddenly asked, realizing that he would need some sort of utensil to eat.
"Second drawer to the left of the stove." Lily replied, tucking into her food immediately after.
Severus got up, grabbed a fork and spoon, then sat back down and started to pick at his food. Really, he felt incredibly nervous about not knowing what was going on and it was ruining his appetite. Despite this, he felt a certain obligation to eat this food since Lily had made it for him and so he forced a bit down before he set about putting some apricot jam on his scone.
"Pass the jam please," Lily said softly and Severus complied, pushing the small jar as far across the table as he could physically reach.
Lily gasped and stood up so suddenly that she knocked her chair over as she scrambled away from the table in dismay. Severus froze, shocked by her outburst.
"Accio wand!" Lily called out, backing away from Severus as far as she could, but never taking her eyes off of him.
"Lily? I don't understand-"
"Severus!" She shrieked hysterically, "How could you? How could you!"
"How could I what?" Severus asked, standing up slowly and putting his hands up as a signal of submission. "I don't understand-"
"Don't understand my arse! You took his bloody mark! You have a fucking dark mark on your arm!" She screamed, holding her wand up menacingly. "Get out! Get out of my fucking house!"
Quickly, Severus assessed the situation and spoke as calmly and slowly as he could. "Lily…it's not what you think. Please, just put your wand and let me explain…"
"There is nothing to explain! Get out! Now!"
"Lily-"
"Incarcerous!"
"Expelliarmus!"
It was all over within a single second. Severus had said his spell faster because Lily's wand ended up in his hand just as ropes started to spew out of it. He immediately directed the spell to the side of them to avoid anyone getting hurt. The teapot then exploded as the ropes wrapped around it much too tightly.
Silence ensued. The fear in Lily's eyes stabbed Severus in the chest as he watched her. It made him wish he had allowed her to cast the incarcerous spell on him.
A moment later, she ran out of the room.
"Lily!" Severus called out, following her into the parlor just in time to see her floo away.
"Fuck," Severus muttered as he stared at the floor, downtrodden.
He had scared Lily away.
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Well, what do you think? I'll try and update soon as I'm very excited about this fic! Have a great day!
-P.G.
