Anders had sent three notes to the Estate, hoping Hawke would reply to him. He hated turning to her for help. She had made her views clear, again and again. He had seen her turn in his kinsmen to the Templars without even a blink. He had seen her laugh with the Templar cadets, joking about hunting down blood mages like they were vermin. She even flirted with the Guard Captain, causing rumors to circulate about their upcoming engagement.
But she had left him in peace for all of these years. Even knowing what she did, no Templar came for him in the night. For three years, he waited, but she had simply ignored him, only occasionally appearing for healing followed by a heated argument.
Yet he needed her. So many of the Underground had been captured. He could not risk another life in order to spy on Ser Alrik and if he was found out, there could be no one to bring the evidence forward. There was no one else he could trust...though trust was perhaps too generous a word here. He hoped. He hoped that everything he had said to her over the years had finally sunk into her thick skull. That maybe, maybe she had finally grown a heart.
He didn't like going into the Chantry, but it was the only place he was guaranteed to find her. She always went to the early morning worship services, usually visiting the young Brother. Yet another rumored suitor. Anders secretly suspected she was seeking him entirely for a potential royal title. The man was boring as sin to talk to at the best of times, he couldn't see what even she would want with him.
He entered, the incense floating through the air as the Chant echoed through the halls. He froze, the memory of Karl lingering in the space. He shook the thought from his head, entering into the worship hall.
He saw her on her knees, dressed in her finery, as if she hadn't spent a year as a common thug, as if she was a lady. She sat near the Brother, who kept his head bowed, the Chant obviously on his lips.
He waited until the service was over, watching her smooth her dress as she rose. She let the Brother kiss her palm and she blushed slightly. Anders felt disgusted at the display, rolling his eyes until she glanced his way.
She walked over discreetly as the crowd filtered out, hissing, "Why are you here?"
"I thought you would be pleased to see me in the Chantry," Anders retorted, "Perhaps my heathen soul will be saved after all."
"You shouldn't be here," she whispered, looking ahead.
"I needed to talk to you," he said, "You've been ignoring my letters."
"I have better things to do than to track down elfroot in ditches," she replied harshly, "I'm sure you can get one of your little urchins to do that."
He grabbed her arm, "Listen."
He froze as she turned, an ire in her eyes as she said firmly, "Let go of me."
He did so, a feeling of shame creeping into him.
She said quietly, "I will come to your clinic this afternoon. Now let me spend the rest of my morning in some sort of peace."
He watched her leave the Chantry, feeling the glances of several Templars guarding the door. He kept his head down, his hands trembling as he snuck back to Darktown.
He ate a meager lunch in between patients, trying to rehearse what he wanted to say. He needed exactly the right words. He had been impatient this morning; it wouldn't help him when he tried to convince her.
He recognized her footsteps and he stood, seeing her walk into the clinic, dressed in her leather armour, her hair braided back. She looked almost like the first time he saw her, when she walked into the clinic so many years ago.
"What is it, mage?" She asked sternly, "I do not have much time today. I have appointments to keep."
He cleared his throat, "I have a favour to ask you. I know...I know we haven't agreed on pretty much anything in our acquaintance ship, but I am truly desperate."
"You and everyone else in Kirkwall," she sighed, "What do you need?"
"The Mage Underground has heard rumours of a Tranquil Solution," he pleaded, beckoning her to him, "There is a Templar named Ser Alrik. He plans to make every mage in the Circle Tranquil. I know you probably don't care. I know you probably think that's even a good idea. But...but think of Bethany."
Hawke's skin went pale for a second and she hesitated before she replied, "I can't get involved with this."
"You haven't even heard-"
"Anders," Hawke said firmly, "I do not believe the Chantry would do this. If they did, I do not think that it would happen without just cause."
Anders' heart stopped and he whispered, "You can't be serious."
"Did you expect me to suddenly become a pro-Mage terrorist?" She laughed darkly, "It is in Kirkwall's best interest for my sister to be in the Circle. I trust the judgment of the Knight Commander."
"You're letting genocide happen!" He accused, feeling Justice creep behind his eyes, "You're letting innocent people die because of you and your damn Chantry! You won't help me, not even for your sister?"
"I don't think the possessed apostate gets to tell me how to live my life," she said quietly, "You're on your own, Anders."
"You bastard!" He called out at her as she left, "You poor excuse for a woman!"
He held the doorframe, watching her disappear among the crowd. She did not look back.
He sighed, running his hand through his hair. The meeting was tonight. He had his chance to convince her and he had failed. He had to leave soon, he couldn't keep chasing after her. There were preparations to be made.
oOoOoOo
Anders held out the lantern as he walked through the tunnels, avoiding the lyrium smugglers the best he could. He was an unarmed man wandering through the dark with no coin on him. He did not make the most intriguing target to them.
He blew out the flame as he reached the end of the tunnel, watching the scene ahead play out. He saw the bastard Alrik, his hands on that poor girl, threatening her. Justice pushed through him, screaming, "You shall not touch another mage!"
Anders felt his body move outside of his own will, casting fire down among them, fighting back until the spell hit him and the mana was sucked from him. He fell to the ground, gasping, trying to breathe as Alrik stepped in front of him, pushing his chin up with his boot.
"It seems I have another mage to punish," he smirked, "So who do I have here?"
Anders felt Justice retreat and his heart raced. He had been prepared to meet his death, but now, now in this moment, he was terrified.
He heard a groan and he looked up, seeing Alrik pinned to the wall, a dagger in his shoulder.
Anders saw her, standing at the edge of the tunnel, snarling as she brandished another dagger.
"Serah Hawke?" One of the Templars asked in surprise, "What are you doing?"
She did not speak, slicing the throat of the man. The second tried to run and she slashed him down. She reached Alrik's side, whispered something in his ear before stabbing him in the heart.
As he fell, she searched his pockets, finding a crumpled note. She looked over at the girl and asked, "Were there any others?"
She shook her head.
Hawke reached into her pockets, "Here's five sovereigns, it's all I've got. Get to the docks and get out of Kirkwall. Do you have any family outside the city?"
"I have an aunt in Antiva City."
"Go there and stay out of sight," Hawke instructed, "Say nothing to anyone about this. Do you understand?"
She nodded, chasing off into the tunnels.
Hawke held out the paper to Anders and said, "I hope your evidence was damn worth it."
She walked off, not looking down at him. He trembled, reading the note in his hands. The Solution was...rejected? So there was still some hope, some hope at peace...
He looked up to thank her, but she was gone.
oOoOoOo
"Anders," Bethany smiled, "You shouldn't be here, you're going to be found out one of these times."
"Nonsense," Anders joked, walking beside her in the courtyard, "I highly suspect they're not looking for me in the Gallows."
"You know one day they might be clever and actually look underneath their noses."
"I doubt it," Anders teased.
Bethany smiled kindly, "You usually don't visit so early in the day. Is everything alright?"
"I..." Anders hesitated, "It's stupid, don't worry about it."
"Come on now," Bethany joked, "You are nothing if not a serious man. I'm sure whatever it is, it's important."
"It's about your sister."
She sighed, "Which one of your friends did she arrest this time?"
Anders walked closer to her and whispered, "The Templars had me last night. And she...she was just there. She saved my life and set another mage free. She killed them all, Beth. Then she just left...I don't understand."
Bethany looked away and said, "I don't know what you're talking about."
"You do know," Anders pushed, "This woman attends worship every morning, she's courting that insufferable Brother, she threatens to send me to the Gallows practically once a week. What's going on?"
Bethany said quietly, "Maybe my sister is not exactly what she seems."
Anders' face softened and she said quickly, "I have to go."
"Please," he said, touching her hand, "Just tell me."
Bethany looked over at the Templars and came closer.
She whispered quickly, "My sister is a kind, gentle woman. My entire life she has given everything for me, again and again. She is the best woman I have ever known. And she respects you. Maybe more than anyone else in this world. Maybe it's a good thing you finally know that."
"Not so close," a Templar barked, stepping between them.
"I better go," Bethany said quickly, "Think about it, Anders, really think about it."
Anders stood, confused, as the mages were brought back inside the prison. He pulled his coat closer around him and left.
oOoOoOoOo
Anders paced outside the door, running his hands through his hair. He hesitated and finally knocked.
Bodahn answered the door, asking in surprise, "Mr. Anders? What are you doing here so late at night?"
"Is your Mistress home?" He asked, "I have to talk to her."
"She's just finished her evening bath," Bodahn replied, "I'll see if she's willing to take a visitor. If you'll come in and sit by the fire."
Anders nodded, wiping his boots off before coming into the living room. He patted the mabari's head absentmindedly, sitting down in a chair.
"Anders?"
He turned, seeing Hawke standing on the stairs, a thin robe barely covering her body.
He stumbled over his words, "I need to talk to you."
"So Bodahn said," she mocked lightly, "About anything in particular? Especially in the middle of the night?"
"Hawke..." he murmured, "I..."
She adjusted her robe as she made her way to the bottom of the stairs and said, "Listen, I have a long day tomorrow, so if there's nothing you actually need to say to me, then you better-"
He gingerly put his hand on her cheek and she froze.
"I know," he said quietly.
"I don't know what you're-"
"I know," he whispered, trembling, "I know about everything."
For the first time, he saw her face softened, a sadness come into her eyes.
"Why couldn't you tell me?" He asked gently.
"And put you in danger too?" She laughed weakly.
"Why would you worry about me?" He demanded, "Why did you save me last night?"
"I guess you don't know everything, do you?" She whispered.
His heart pounded in his chest and he kissed her. She groaned lightly, pulling her arms around him, her body curling into his.
"This is a mistake," she murmured, "This could never work-you know that, you know that-"
He kissed her again, pulling her legs around his waist. He carried her up the stairs, kissing her deeper as he fumbled his way into her bedroom. She managed to close the door behind them as she returned to her feet.
"You called me a poor excuse for a woman," she reminded between kisses, "And many more foul things. You'll so easily go to bed with me now?"
"For years," he groaned, "I have ached for you. I have lusted for you with every fibre of my being. And I hated myself for it. I hated that I could want you so badly when you disgusted me so."
"Do I disgust you now?" She asked, letting her robe slip to her feet.
He involuntarily groaned, seeing her dark naked body standing before him. He kissed her, grabbing the back of her head. She moaned happily, letting him push her face first onto the bed, his hand grabbing her ass as he pulled down his pants. She flipped around, lying back on the bed as he knelt in front of her, his mouth on her sex.
He moaned, tasting her sweetness, burying his tongue inside of her, his cock growing hard and throbbing.
She called his name as she shook, a litany on her lips that rocked him to his core. He kissed her sex on last time, wiping his mouth on the back of his hand before kneeling above her on the bed.
Seeing her lying in the sheets, her long dark hair billowed out around her, he felt a stirring in his heart, a feeling that he did not want to name. She pulled him to her, kissing him deeply enough that he forgot everything else.
Their bodies met and he slid inside of her, pulling her to him, cupping the back of her head. He moved inside of her, thrusting with desperation. Her hand moved to her clit, rubbing as she leaned back, exposing her neck to his kisses.
She climaxed again, holding him to her, her eyes open to meet his gaze. He kissed her lips, resting his forehead against hers. With a gasp, she murmured, "I love you."
He buckled, the intensity of her look undoing him. He laid her down in the bed as he pushed into her, a cry coming from his throat as he thrust wantonly, desperate for her touch as he spurted inside of her, pleasure rocking through his body.
He opened his eyes, seeing her panting beneath him. He kissed her, holding her to him as he withdrew. They laid in each other's arms, smelling of the other, their bodies curved into the other's.
The feeling resurfaced, the tender aching of his heart not allowing him to keep quiet.
"I love you too," he admitted in surprise.
She kissed him tenderly and he melted into her touch.
When she pulled away, she whispered, "This can't happen again. You know that. I have to keep you both safe. If they know..."
Anders felt his heart sink in his chest.
"But..."
"Maker," she whispered, "If it was just me...if it was just me, I would have followed you into the Void itself. But I can't...I can't..."
He held her to his chest, feeling tears fall down his face.
"I can't watch you do this," he whispered, "I can't let you..."
"No one can find out about this," she murmured, "I won't be able to keep you safe anymore, nor Bethany, I won't be able to help anyone else if they know. I have to keep going. Maybe one day, but now..."
Anders knew there was nothing he could say to convince her. He knew she was right. There was nothing else to be said.
She sat on the edge of the bed, wrapping her robe around her.
"Please don't tell me to go," he pleaded, touching her hand, "If you do...I will. I'll pretend like this never happened. I'll do whatever you ask of me, my love, but please, please don't tell me to leave."
She looked away from him, wrapping her arms around her chest.
He knelt in front of her, taking his hands in hers.
"You should go," she said hoarsely.
"Okay," he agreed, heartbroken. He dressed quickly, walking out through the back of the Estate. He hesitated on the threshold, hoping beyond hope that she would come after him.
When she did not, he went home.
