Theme: Comedy
Rating: 17 & up;; for language and suggestive situations.
Characters:
Uchiha Itachi, Jungyaku Hikari

A new little mini-series.
Well, it's not 'new', since I wrote a bit of it awhile ago.
I just need to finish it up.
Hope you enjoy, dears!


Part One

Itachi Uchiha paced back and forth in the living room of the large house he shared with his dorm mates. His hand was placed on his chin as he appeared to be in deep thought. He wasn't a man of many words, and he hated not knowing the answers to something. Even more then that, he hated not being able to plan everything ahead of time. And right now, he was experiencing all of that.

Kisame sat on the couch, watching and waiting, while eating a bag of potato chips. He would never admit it to Itachi, but watching his friend squirm in confusion was quite humorous.

"Kisame!" Itachi suddenly snapped, almost making Kisame wonder if he could read his mind. "Yeah?" Kisame stopped munching on his chips for a brief moment. "I have a favor to ask." Itachi moved to sit beside his friend on the couch. "What is it?"

"How… How would you approach a female?" Itachi's choice of words made it hard for Kisame not to laugh.

"You mean asking a girl out?" Kisame bit down onto a chip. Itachi nodded silently.

"Try some pick up lines?" Kisame quirked a brow. "What type? Give me some?" Itachi almost seemed like he was pleading; though he remained stone-faced. Kisame pondered for a moment.

"Oh… I've got one!" He showed a sharp grin, "You look like a refreshing glass of water, and I'm the thirstiest guy in the world!"

Itachi didn't look amused.

Kisame cleared his throat, "Of course there's lots of fish in the sea, but you're the only one I'd love to catch and mount back at my place."

Itachi looked horrid so Kisame tried again, "You're so sweet, you put Hershey's out of business?"

Itachi let out a dissatisfied sigh, "This is absolutely hopeless."

"What is?" Deidara suddenly popped in. "Itachi wants to ask Hikari out, but he doesn't have any good pick up lines." Kisame answered before Itachi could tell him to keep his mouth shut.

"Oh. I've got a few." Deidara smirked smugly, sitting on the opposite side of the couch. "Really now? Then go for it." Kisame gestured for him to try.

"I have an owie on my hand, will you kiss it better?" He raised his hand with an innocent grin. "That won't work for Itachi." Kisame corrected with a dull stare.

"Fine." He huffed, "Beauty is Art. Art is a bang. Beautiful, I want to bang you." Kisame burst out laughing, "Not bad, Deidara-San!" Itachi still looked pretty miserable.

"Is your dad a terrorist? 'Cause you're the bomb!" Deidara threw his arms in the air.

"I am NOT saying that to her!" Itachi snapped; glaring daggers.

"Saying what to who?" Sasori's voice caused them to jump. "When did you come in?" Itachi glared.

Deidara spoke up, "Itachi's askin' that Hikari out. He needs help though. His pick up lines suck." The bluntness made Itachi twitch.

Sasori took a seat on the arm of the couch. "Uh-Huh." "No luck though." Kisame rolled his eyes.

"When I look into your eyes, I feel as though I've died and gone to Heaven." Sasori suddenly offered his pick up line. "Wow. That's so deep, Sasori-San." Deidara blinked. "I'm not saying that." Itachi hung his head in embarrassment.

"Wanna play dolls? 'Cause you can play with me all night long." Sasori stared dully when Deidara blushed at the change from romance to sexual. Kisame choked on his potato chip. "Try again." Deidara sighed. "Go out with me or die." "NO!" All three yelled.

"What the fuck? Sasori-San's asking you fucks out? What the hell?" Hidan leaned on the back of the couch.

"NO!" Kisame hollered.

"Don't Fuckin' yell at me, fish!" Hidan retorted.

Kisame rolled his eyes in a 'get over it' sort-of-way.

"Itachi's in need of pick up lines for a girl." Sasori corrected him. "I've got some." Hidan smirked, "Works every time." "Do I have to listen?" Itachi groaned, but Hidan pressed on.

"Wow! Are you really as beautiful as you seem, or do you just remind me of myself?" Hidan smirked arrogantly.

"Too self-centered." Sasori stared blankly.

Hidan scoffed, "Pardon me, but are you a screamer, or a moaner?"

Kisame glowered, "That'll scare any woman." More scoffing on Hidan's part. "Are you religious? 'Cause I'm the answer to your prayers."

Deidara shook his head, Kisame sighed, and Itachi had lost all faith in his comrades abilities to ask females out. "I don't see what's so wrong with them. I've got plenty of bitches to sleep with me." Hidan shrugged casually.

"They probably slept with you out of fear." Sasori corrected again.

"Hey. Give me some money guys." Kakuzu stepped in, with his right hand out.

"No." Deidara retorted swiftly. "Sorry, I'm broke." Kisame munched on another chip. "I have none." Sasori added. "Go get your own fucking money." Hidan bitched. Itachi was too dazed to care. "Fine then." Kakuzu grumbled bitterly as he went around the couch to sit in front of it at the coffee table. "Why are you guys all gathered here anyway?"

"Itachi's got whore problems. He needs to get laid bad." Hidan motioned to the smoldering Itachi. "What he needs is pick up lines." Sasori, once again, corrected the temperamental Hidan.

"Just say; 'Hi, I make more money than you can spend.' Simple as that." Kakuzu flipped on the TV. "She doesn't care about money." Kisame popped a chip in the air, catching it in his mouth.

"Your beauty was so distracting it caused me to walk into a wall, so I'm gonna need your name and number… For insurance reasons." He glanced towards the group.

"I already know her name." Itachi ran his hand through his sleek hair. "You can pay me to be yours all night?" Kisame laughed, "Makes him seem cheap." "Shut up, Kisame." Itachi smacked him. "Well, I'm all out." Kakuzu sighed disappointedly.

Just as they were about to give up, Deidara noticed Zetsu walking by. "Hey! Zetsu-San! Come here for a moment, un." He beckoned him over with his hand. With a quick step, Zetsu was beside the couch, "Yes, Deidara?"

"You know any good pick up lines to help out Itachi?" He inquired. Zetsu thought for a moment, "I know a few…" "Try us." Kakuzu stated.

"I'll be the flower, you be the bee, and you can have a taste of my honey." Deidara chuckled. "Too Fuckin' corny." Hidan yawned out of boredom. "Denied." Kakuzu declared blatantly. "Try again." Sasori sighed.

"If beauty was a flower, you'd be a garden." Zetsu stared as they shook their heads. "I don't know whether to mount you… or eat you."

"I like that one." Hidan smirked, "I'll have to remember it."

"Hi, guys! Can Tobi play?!" The bubbly boy seemingly appeared out of nowhere. "We're thinking up lines for Itachi to use on Hikari." Zetsu filled the bouncing boy in. "Oh! Tobi can do that!" He bounced over the couch and landed on Deidara. "GET OFF!" Deidara snapped angrily.

Tobi didn't budge, "Tobi is good in bed!"

"That won't work with Itachi." Kisame corrected.

"Can Tobi take your picture? Tobi wants Santa to know exactly what Tobi wants for Christmas."

"Cute." Deidara coughed. Kisame made an 'aw' sound and everyone else ignored it.

"You smell… Lets take a shower." With that, Deidara shoved Tobi off his lap. "Loser."

"OH FOR GOD'S SAKE! FORGET IT!" Itachi had reached his limit. He stood up and stormed out of the living room, his loud footsteps booming throughout the compound.

"You know. Why didn't anyone just tell him to ask her out the old fashioned way?" Deidara inquired. "Because it's fun to confuse the great Uchiha." Kisame answered with a snicker.

Everyone nodded in agreement.