First Draft: 22nd March 2005
Completed: 24th March 2005
Last Updated: 30th March 2013 (correcting English)
- Author's Note -
This story is based on a Mai-HiME radio drama, I claim no copyright over the originality of the plot, except I changed a little bit of everything. Because this fiction is completed before the airing of episode 25, the latter part of this story which is entirely mine.
I stayed by her futon that entire night, holding back the urges I held deep within me, I buried them down as part of my fantasies, contented to be just sitting there and watching her chest rising up and down softly as she slept. Many times during the night, fitful dreams threatened to wake her up, I calmed her down by smoothing her hair, and cursed at the same time, at the man who made her suffered so.
The night passed by quickly, and I continued without sleep, watching her every move, ready to be there for her should she be rudely awakened by a nightmare. I wanted to be there when she needed someone to cry on, I wanted to be the one comforting her, and more importantly, I wanted her to touch me.
When the sun rose from behind me, I shifted myself, using my own shadow to shelter her face from the light that was sipping into the room. As my shadow fell over her face, I imagined myself slowly bending down, caressing her face, touching her lips with mine, and kissing her gently.
Suddenly, she stirred, slowly opening her eyes, waking me from my fantasy.
"Shizuru?" she asked, surprised, yet it was a tone of voice with no hint of being afraid, I was glad that I did not frighten her. "Were you with me the whole time?" she asked again as she tried to get up, this time her voice sounded embarrassed and concerned.
Gently pulling the slipping blanket back over her, I quietly spoke, "Rest, Natsuki, you are tired." Petting on her shoulders, I felt the tensed body relaxed, she probably understood that her wearily mind and body could rest here, as long as I was here watching over her.
"Where am I?" she enquired, showing no resistance as I tugged her back into the futon.
"This place belongs to a student of mine, whom I teach tea brewing to, do not worry, no one knows of this place," I reassured her. "I'm sorry that I withheld my identity as a HiME from you, Natsuki. I did not want you to treat me any differently as before, but back then, I could no longer hide it, and I had to help you."
Satisfied with my answer, she quieted down, blinking her eyes rapidly as if recalling something. After a while, she decided to just stare off emptily at the far wall, diverting her glance from me, thinking about something that pained her in her heart. It pained me to see her so, remembering back during the cleanup at the burning academy, when I was quietly observing everything from the distance on top of my Kiyohime. That man from the Searrs Foundation told her something that shocked my Natsuki, the expression on her face was so painful that I could barely watch.
Since then, my Natsuki has been different, unable to call out her Child, Duran. Even when Nao ambushed her, Duran did not come to his master's aid. However, that is no longer important, now that I am here, I will protect her from now on, my Kiyohime and I will make sure that no one will separate my Natsuki from me.
"I didn't care about what would happen to me," Natsuki said suddenly, jolting me back into reality once again. Remembering the fight she had with Nao before I intervened, back then, it almost looked like she had lost her will to live again, offering no resistance towards Nao's attacks. I unknowingly clutched my fists tightly, gently pulling on the futon she was resting on towards me, as if any moment now, she would flee from me.
No, I must be strong! I am now her only pillar of support, I must be strong.
"Natsuki," I said, slowly rising as she looked at me, wondering where I was going. "Do not be silly, if you are gone, I will be sad." Walking over to the exit, I slid the door open, halfway through, I turned around, saying, "I like you, Natsuki, so no matter what happens, I will always protect you."
I was not expecting any reply as I exited the room, but without any hesitation, Natsuki answered, "I like you too, Shizune. I'm lucky to have a friend like you."
I quickly closed the door behind me, and rested my head on the frame of the door, looking absent-mindedly at the garden, thinking back on what she just said.
"But your 'like' is different from my 'like', Natsuki," I whispered softly.
Looking at the garden, I was immediately reminded of that place, at that time on a fine spring day when the cherry blossoms were falling, where I first met her.
Both of us were there, standing still, her back was facing me, and she was not aware of my presence. I was just watching her, admiring the beauty before me. I could not see what she was doing then, but as her hand stretched out to reach for a flower, encasing her open palm towards it, I realised of what she was planning to do.
I quickly stopped her, my voice calling out to the unknown girl, "You shouldn't do that."
That surprised her, retracting her hand, she spun around to face me.
"Beautiful flowers should be loved, because they are trying to their best to bloom during their short life."
I probably confused her, I was after all a stranger, not understanding the reason why she wished to crush that flower. Her cheeks flushed, ashamed at being seen attempting such act. Her long hair danced in the morning wind as she turned her eyes away from me upon realising that I was watching her.
"Who are you?" she asked harshly, half sounding like a challenge, and half trying to divert the topic away from her.
"My name is Fujino Shizuru, what's yours?" I answered smiling.
Surprised that I answered my name so eagerly, she quickly stammered out a name. "Kuga… Natsuki."
Kuga Natsuki, that is her name, I immediately felt something stirring in my heart.
"That is a very nice name, Natsuki."
"What do you want?" she demanded, angry at me calling her using her given name.
"Can't we just talk without a reason?"
"Yeah…"
I sat her down on a bench, and started on a more or less one-sided conversation. She was like a wounded kitten at first, but after speaking to her several times, she eventually opened herself up to me. I realised right away that even though she was trying to be strong, underneath that strong front, she was still a normal girl crying out for some comfort.
Back then, I was already a secretary for the chairman of the student council, thought I more or less ran the whole show. One day, while I was alone with Natsuki in the student council room, a place where she knows she could always find me, she suddenly turned to look at me saying, "You are a strange one."
It surprised me, I looked up immediately, wondering what she was trying to mean by that. "Really?" I asked, afraid that the truth might frighten her away from me.
Seeing my attention on her, she turned away, looking out of the window instead. "Not many people like to hang around me like you do."
Feeling relieved, I answered with a smile even though she was not even facing in my direction, "That's because I like you."
Blushing yet again, Natsuki turned around to look at me. "Don't be silly, why did you say that?"
"Ah, that's so cold of you, aren't we friends?" I answered, quickly turning my face down, pretending to be focusing on the document I was penning back then. I did not want her to see my saddened face. That's right, Natsuki isn't the type who would ever return my twisted feelings, so I tried my best to be just a good friend, a good upper-classmate.
A few days passed since then, and the topic was forgotten, we were walking home together, walking down the same street that we had to pass through every time. Like before, I could sense Natsuki turning sideways, watching the contents behind the window of a particular shop every time we walked by.
Teasing her, I asked her what was she looking at, knowing myself that her attention was placed upon a simple dress.
"No- nothing!" Natsuki shot back, spinning around and placing her back against the window, trying to block my view.
Pretending to have just noticed, I quickly grabbed her shoulders and turned her around. Standing beside her, we looked at the dress together while I mouthed an 'aww', secretly observing her reaction from the corner of my eyes.
"Oh, what a cute dress! Are you going to get it?" I eagerly asked.
"No, no way! It won't look good on me anyway," Natsuki quickly replied, trying to move away, but was held down by my hands on her shoulders.
"Oh? You shouldn't hold back, I will love to see you in this!"
"I said I'm not getting it! I won't!" Natsuki said while frowning her brows at me. Seeing me giggled, she tried to shake me out of it, which only caused me to laugh louder. "Stop laughing!"
An idea dawned on me, leading her by the hand, I requested her to follow me, "There's a nice shop nearby, and they bound to have something that suits you!"
After giving up on resisting, Natsuki followed me willingly to the shop, the moment she saw the name of the shop, she almost instantly started to pull away again, trying to free her hand out of mine.
"Wha- What's this?!" Natsuki protested loudly.
"The owner of this lingerie shop is a friend of mine. Natsuki, you have no idea how to choose underwear properly, right?" Natsuki blushed and turned her face away from the shop.
"Wha- Umm, yeah, but it's not like I really need to know about underwear…"
"But you have such nice taste! And since it's under your clothes, you shouldn't be too concerned about it, and you can still wear pretty things!"
Natsuki gave a forced smile, as if it was some kind of crude joke.
"Leave it to me, I'll find the perfect one for you!" I said, running into the store while dragging her in.
"Shizuru, hey!"
Maybe it is because that I'm just afraid of being rejected, but, at that time, I thought that as long as Natsuki was with me, I could be happy. I was contented with what I had, until that time…
"That is the fate of the HiMEs, Shizuru-san. You have been fighting quietly behind the scenes, destroying Orphans before they could cause any trouble, but you are not going to hide any longer. Because your beloved Natsuki-chan will not be escaping this fate," the boy called Nagi said with a wicked smile on his face.
When I first received my Child, all I could think of was using it for the sake of protecting Natsuki, never had I considered that I might loose her because of this power. If I am to lose, the one closest to my heart will die as well, and that I cannot allow that to happen. To make sure that my Natsuki will never be harmed, I will fight and defeat all other HiMEs before they could harm my Natsuki.
Even as the thought of Natsuki accepting my feeling for her, accepting who I am, became nothing more than a dream deep in a corner of my heart, I will fight to protect her. To become a demon, and annihilate all threats, no HiMEs, no Childs, and certainly no Obsidian Lord will stand in my path, in creating a world perfect only for the two of us.
Natsuki! I want you, Natsuki! I do not care for anything else, no matter what happens to me, I will fight on, only for you, against everything that tries to take you away from me. One day, I will truly make you mine.
Now, we stand before one another, your Element guns pointing at me, my Element nagatina in my hands, your Child Duran stands beside you, my Child Kiyohime slithering behind me. To fight you, a scenario I dared not dream of came true, two HiMEs are going to fight.
However, no matter what, I will not lose, even to you, if my Kiyohime is to be defeated, I will lose the one dearest to me. To protect you, I will kill your Duran first, no matter who your most beloved person is, no matter how sad you will be when that person die, I will protect you, even if I have to be the one to do it.
.
I arrive just in time to find Shizuru, and I know immediately that I have to stop her.
My Duran returns to me after I realised who has truly been by my side all along, the person who held my hands when I was down, and gave me a purpose in life when I thought that there was nothing worth living for anymore. What you have now become frightens me, am I the cost of your suffering? Will I be able to bring you back into the light like what you did for me?
I cannot find the strength to press down the triggers, to attack you, yet, you come forward, swinging your nagatina at me. Neither of us can fight each other, yet why are you still so keen on defeating me?
My Duran fights on for my belief that I can save you, yet he is no match to your Kiyohime, who is fuelled by your obsession. I watch as your Kiyohime's powerful jaws crush my Duran, shattering him into pieces, yet all I can think about is you.
Shizuru!
.
A sense of dizziness suddenly overwhelms me, I do not know if it is guilt or madness, but I find myself laughing non-stop. I can no longer tell what is happening, and tears are swelling up in my eyes as you fall onto her knees.
My Kiyohime, which represents my love for you, is stronger than anything else is, my Kiyohime is you, Natsuki, and together, we can conquer anything in our paths. Just like how we crushed your Child, whoever that person may be, he is no match for you, my Kiyohime, my Natsuki.
You scramble to my side as I fell backwards, and I wonder what is wrong with me now, my whole body feels numb. Somehow, I become aware of the fact that I am slowly losing my strength, and surely am losing my life as well.
"Shizuru!" you yell at me, holding me in your arms.
You are trying to say something to me, but I cannot understand what it is as your voice fades off into the darkness. Green sparks comes forth from my body, filling my vision, tinting it green, yet even as it is now, you remain as beautiful as I remember you to be.
Even with my death coming so imminent, I cannot help but laugh, how could I have missed it? Your most beloved person is none other than myself, and your Duran is me. The reason why Duran was defeated is because I am weak, I am unable to tell you my true feelings, afraid of how you will react to my perverted feelings.
Now that we are closer than ever before, I want to say something to you as well, to tell you something that has been swelling up in my heart. Yet, at this very last moment, my memory fails me, I can no longer remember what I want to say to you.
All that remain are the days we spent together.
Natsuki, I…
- Author's Note -
My reviewers have commented that I keep on switching between present tense and past tense, I wish to explain that the whole storyline takes place during the time Shizuru fights with Natsuki, all of the scenes happening during the Tea House Futon, Garden, Lingerie Shop, etc happened in the past, while Shizuru is doing her flashback. As the story shifts from past tense to present tense, we are brought forward to the time where Shizuru has her final encounter with Natsuki.
Well, at least that is what I had intended when I first completed this fiction, though I admit this fiction is not executed the way exactly I wanted it to be. Still, I apologise for any grammar and spelling mistakes that still remain even after I edited it countless of times.
