She leaves again and I close the door falling against it scared & wondering. I think to myself that I've said more hurtful things to that woman in the past two days than I have in years.

But is it enough...will I ever be the number one in his life.

She has tried in years and is really closer than I am & I have been trying every trick in the book.

I wonder if I am becoming one of those childish teens with a crush on the bad boy she says I am.

Maybe I am...(sighs) I used to be happy in a permanent lock. Now I am Just chasing a stone cold fantasy.