That's right, yet another Dynasty Warriors story, oh God! I hope you enjoy.

Disclaimer: If Dynasty Warriors was mine, Lu Xun wouldn't have face paint in DW6, as much as I love his other clothes...

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Chapter 1 – Introduction: Lu Xun Realises Something Which Could Possibly Destroy The World

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The air was filled with clangs of metal, yells of men and women and the general buzz of noise that one associated with war. Above that, however, rose clearly the melody of the Dynasty Warriors battle theme that we all know and love, in all of its distorted, harsh, screeching, electric guitar glory.

"I CAN'T CONCENTRATE!" Lu Xun yelled exasperatedly, in frustration after a particularly high note had caused him to freeze. He'd plug his ears, but then he'd miss more obvious, real cues of people trying to kill him. He'd only just been aware of this horrible music playing in the background a few hours ago, at the battle's start, and he had been underperforming since.

"THE BATTLEFIELD TOO NOISY FOR YOU, KID?" Gan Ning yelled with a feral grin as he ripped down yet more enemies, staining their navy blue uniforms forever with the crimson tide. Having turned to ask his fellow general this question, he did not see a blow coming to his chest; however, he successfully parried it nonetheless and slew the soldier who had dared to do this.

"YES!" the Wu prettyboy tactician bellowed back, "I THINK IT'S REALLY ANNOYING! SERIOUSLY! I CAN'T-" A kick for the soldier who'd come close to slicing his hat in two, and the sound of blade meeting flesh, "-CONCENTRATE AMONGST THIS RACKET!" The electric guitar riff finished with a horrible distortion, and he froze mid-battle, just for that split second.

"I CAN TELL!" Gan Ning screamed back despite being driven to the edge of a ravine, by a contingent of perhaps a dozen Wei soldiers. "MY KILL COUNT ALWAYS BEATS YOURS!" But his words went unheard, as before they could fully escape from his mouth, three of the Wei soldiers had combined their strengths and had landed a blow on his chest, strong enough to knock him over. Thankfully not into the ravine. Gan Ning lay defenceless on the ground, fully at the mercy of the Wei.

It was a good thing that Lu Xun was there. Quick as lightning he disposed of all but two of the soldiers, giving Gan Ning enough time to get up. Said pirate immediately swung his sword at the soldier that Lu Xun had left him, watching as his head flew off, hitting another Wei soldier, knocking him out cold. Gan Ning was always proud of combos like that.

And the one soldier that Lu Xun had left alive was currently duking it out with the tactician himself, although the battle didn't last for long. With one skilful jab of his twin Eagles, the blade went through the soldier. Lu Xun jerked the blade out again without waiting for the soldier to die, and it cost him.

For as the soldier fell into the ravine, his dying eyes burning into Lu Xun's stomach (not having enough strength to raise his head higher, and all), he reached up with his final strength and Gan Ning turned around to watch, horrified, as the Wei soldier pulled Lu Xun –

– 's hat down with him. Come on, you expected that.

"..." Gan Ning said.

"...!" Lu Xun exclaimed, wordlessly and indignantly.

More silence between the two.

Then Lu Xun spoke. "Well," he said finally, "I suppose we should go look for it. I hope it didn't go far, and that it isn't broken."

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"I don't know how you got me to agree with this..." Gan Ning grumbled. "We've been moving for hours! The main camp probably thinks we're dead! We had orders to get to camp ASAP!" He would have thrown both hands up in the air, but he wasn't skilled enough of a horseman to balance successfully in that position. Instead, he settled for a hard thump against the horse's shoulder to prove his point, and was rewarded with a small buck and a grumpy snort. Like horse, like owner you could say.

They had been exploring for hours, trying to find the quickest and yet still safest way down to the ravine where they'd fought. They had plotted a way, but the route would take a quarter of a day.

The boy genius was unperturbed. "It must be somewhere around here... I'm sorry, Ning," he said suddenly. "If it weren't for me being cocky, my hat wouldn't have gone missing and we wouldn't have to be looking like this."

Mentally rolling his eyes at Lu Xun's love for his hat, Gan Ning gave a small grunt, signifying his acceptance.

"We're at the bottom of the ravine now," he said, "Close, anyway. Just down these rocks. So let's just look for that soldier, get your hat, and get outta here." He gave his horse a mighty kick to get going, but the horse refused to budge. Despite any further kicks the obstinate horse stood there, giving growls every so often until eventually even Gan Ning had to stop.

"Damn horse..." he said, and Lu Xun laughed. Then stopped abruptly.

"Do you hear that, Ning?" he hissed, and Gan Ning shook his head, for there was nothing to hear and he was wondering if Lu Xun was all right.

"That's precisely what I mean, Ning," Lu Xun explained. "There isn't any of that horrible electric guitar music playing. Granted, we're not fighting, but I just don't feel good about this..." A bass note rumbled and rolled by, before finally dying down, and he shuddered. "In fact," he continued softly, "it sounds downright ominous."

"What guitar music? What're you trying to say? Is there going to be some fighting?" Gan Ning whispered angrily and the horse, rolling its eyes, stamped firmly on the ground, before shaking his head at the stupidity of its rider.

A shower of stones trickled down from where they were.

For a moment, there was nothing, but just as Gan Ning was about to dismount from his stubborn horse, a barrage of Wei arrows fired past him with the speed and accuracy of well... a skilled archer squad. They all hit stone, of course, with our two heroes and their steeds just out of range. A couple dozen hit the large rock that they were hiding behind, which trembled at the impact. Amidst the sea of blue arrows, one could just make out a lone spot of red, jerking about like a marionette.

"Well, that's goodbye to my hat," Lu Xun said glumly. "And I liked it so much too."

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"Lu Xun!" Ling Tong's clear voice rang out in welcome as he spotted the tactician returning from his quest. "Where's your hat?... And you..." he finished disgustedly upon seeing his partner. But Ling Tong was not foolish enough to start a fight there and then, although every fiber in his body was begging him to.

"I thought you had died," he said to the pirate. "I was just beginning to put up the decorations, too."

Said general sighed. "I'm sorry for killing your father already!" he said, if not a little impatiently since well, he had said this many times before. "I was following orders! I didn't even know you back then!"

"And what joy it was!" Ling Tong retorted. "Nothing to worry about except—" He stopped, when he saw Lu Xun's outstretched hand of warning.

"I lost my hat in this morning's battle..." he replied, finally, to Ling Tong's question, but his head was already down in a sign of respect for the ruler of Wu coming their way.

"Hey, what's the fuss about?" a new voice, instantly recognisable as Sun Quan's, said. "Ah, Lu Xun! Gan Ning! It's nice to see you back again!" (Ling Tong barely suppressed a snarl, before turning around and stalking away) "I was beginning to think that you'd died!"

"Why does everyone always say that?" Gan Ning grumbled, half to himself. "I mean, we were only gone for a few hours... even if we had orders to get back to the main camp ASAP..."

"Oh, yes," Lu Xun said. "That reminds me. I have information for you, my lord. It will be useful against the other kingdoms, as well as those Nanmans."

"I'm glad to hear it, my dear boy," the leader of Wu said, giving him a smile. "Your observations and tactics are superb. Oh, and where's your hat?" he asked with a small frown.

Lu Xun sighed. This was going to be a long afternoon...

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"As I was saying," Lu Xun said, half exasperated, jabbing at the board with one of his Eagles, looking over at his very bored class of Wu generals, "music is a very important aspect of battle. Yet, we have somehow overlooked it all these years."

"Oh, we all know about music," the great warrior Taishi Ci interrupted with a drawl and a grin, leaning back into his chair, the plume on his helmet poking somebody in the eye. He pretended not to notice the yelp, and continued, "I mean, that Wei princess's flute-playing was so horrible today, she mowed 20 men down with one note!"

Why would no one take him seriously? And Gan Ning was just sitting in the front row with a blank look on his face, not helping him in the slightest. Lu Xun tried not to sound impatient. "Yes. Thank you. But as I was saying... yes?" he asked wearily, nodding at Huang Gai, who had raised his hand.

"I have a question, laoshi." His tone was not mocking, but neither was it sincere. Lu Xun sighed, but nodded. "Ask away..."

"Where's your hat?" the bomb master asked with a snicker, and Lu Xun could take no more.

"I lost it!" he shouted loudly, sending Huang Gai, and the rest of the audience, and the unresponsive Gan Ning, and Lord Sun Quan who was responsible for all of this, a death glare. "This morning! Are you happy now?! You've only asked me like, oh, twenty times! Have you not seen me without my hat before?! Yes, I actually have hair!"

Huang Gai and the rest of Wu looked like they had something to say, but Lu Xun cut them off. "Forget it! I give up! If you want to know what Lord Sun Quan wanted me to tell you, ask Gan Ning! Or his horse!" He stalked out of the conference tent, only pausing to add, "Or Zhou Yu!"

With that, the tactician was gone, and not even the shouts of Sun Quan could stop him.

There was a silence following his departure, and everybody looked expectantly at Zhou Yu, who in turn looked at Gan Ning, who looked in the direction of the stables.

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"So," Zhou Yu said, helpless, gesturing at the word on the board with his hands, "music is, apparently, a very important aspect of battle, and we're not talking about the music that Zhen Ji, or anybody else, plays."

"With all due respect, Zhou Yu, what are we talking about, then?" Lu Meng asked. It had been a long day, and everybody just wanted this meeting to end so that they could sleep. They should have been having a party for defeating the Wei so soundly, instead of lessons!

"I don't know," Zhou Yu admitted. "I'm just up here because you all wanted me to talk."

"Shouldn't we be asking Gan Ning?" Ling Tong asked spitefully, nursing his black eye (courtesy of Taishi Ci) "If I'm not mistaken, he was there too! Weren't you?"

"'Course I was!" Gan Ning replied, not bothering to conceal his exasperation and rolling his eyes. "Why do you think I'm no strategist? The kid saw something that I couldn't, and saved all our lives!"

"You know that something's wrong when you can't understand something even your horse can," Ling Tong sneered, spinning his nunchaku idly, almost about to get into a battle stance. Sensing this, Sun Quan cleared his throat.

"Lovely! Remember what I said, Ling Tong." This was with a tone of warning, and Ling Tong stopped. "Well," Sun Quan continued, "since no one knows what we're supposed to be talking about... somebody! Go find Lu Xun! Gan Ning, describe what happened in the meantime."

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Meanwhile, in the Wei camp a few miles west...

"That was a complete and utter failure," Cao Pi said with the air of talking about the weather, and that was the last straw for our favourite Wei bovine.

"Do you think we all don't know?" he said harshly. "Wu stepped on us like worms! Xu Zhu is out for at least three months!"

"Well," Cao Pi said, trying to placate his father, "at least we still have the archer squad above the ravine, in case that Lu Xun tries to look for his hat—"

He was interrupted by the pitter-patter of a messenger's feet as Cao Cao waved him in.

"A message from Advisor Sima Yi, my lord," the messenger said, on his knees and head bowed.

"Speak," Cao Cao snapped. "And it better be good."

The messenger gulped. "Lord Cao Cao, sir, Advisor Sima Yi regretfully informs you that the ambush attack seems to have failed." He closed his eyes, awaiting the blow that never came.

Cao Cao spat to a side. "Fool! What happened to 'oh my Lord, he will definitely come for his hat'? That Lu Xun is not as petty as Sima Yi is! You there!" he bellowed to the messenger, who quickly opened his eyes, "Tell that fool that I want a counterattack against the Wu, and that he must plan it within 2 days! And I'm being generous!"

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"Something's wrong," Zhuge Liang said the moment Liu Bei stepped into the camp, and although his strategist's tone was as calm as ever, Liu Bei froze immediately. He trusted his strategist with his life and Zhuge Liang had never been wrong.

After a long pause, in which Zhuge Liang had been thinking and fanning himself, and Liu Bei had been staying frozen, eyes darting about,

"It's you, my lord," Zhuge Liang said finally, stopping his fan with a twitch of his wrist.

"Forgive me for speaking out of turn, but ever since you lost your dinky little moustache you had back in Dynasty Warriors 1 to 5, fans just don't respect you anymore. Well, it's not like they did in the first place, but..." Zhuge Liang stopped tactfully, before continuing, "I mean, you look exactly like a mere foot soldier. The moustache was your defining trait. You are the plainest leader ever to grace Chinese history."

The leaves rustled, and out of nowhere a blade found its tip at Zhuge Liang's throat. Slightly surprised, but of course that in itself involved merely a raising of the eyebrow, the strategist stared down at the blade, before following its path to meet the enraged eyes of Guan Yu, who spoke.

"Brother, he should be killed for demeaning you like that."

"Again, my lord, I apologise for speaking out of hand, but it had to be said," Zhuge Liang quickly said again.

Liu Bei fingered his upper lip self-consciously. "No, brother, it's perfectly all right. In fact, is he right? Do I look like a foot soldier?" he asked his younger brother in a concerned tone. "No, actually, wait... I need a more objective opinion," he continued, looking feverishly around for somebody. "You...! Pang Tong! Do I look like a foot soldier?"

Pang Tong did a double take and looked at his lord carefully. "Well..." he began cautiously, taking note of Guan Yu about to kill Zhuge Liang, "I think... that while your armour separates you from being the mere foot soldier, your countenance is such like that they feel a camaraderie with you." And with that, he was off, wanting to be away before Guan Yu figured out what that meant.

"Well, that settles it," Liu Bei said, downcast. "Let him go, brother. Zhuge Liang, do you have any ideas of how I can make myself individual again?"

Zhuge Liang, relieved at being released by the still angry Guan Yu, stroked his beard thoughtfully. "Am I right in supposing that you cannot regrow your moustache, my lord?" he asked. Upon receiving a forlorn nod, he nodded in return. "Well, I have a few ideas..."

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I had to choose between Gan Ning and Sun Ce since well, the history nerd in me was screaming for at least some continuity. But don't worry! I'll find a way to incorporate Sun Ce somehow. I mean, this fic is already messed up as it is.

Please tell me what you think!