I reach for it but…but I always fall to the ground. Def blind can't see a thing can't hear what my own thoughts sound like. Pain ? love? Sanity? Have I any reason for living? My head is spinning or so I think. Every time my fingers almost touch another life of mine it is unatracting like a negative to a negative current. Both lives demeaning thoughts what could be. What is my purpose in life? I try to grab hold of reality you know life's not fair and all that .but the pain of even pulling out one hair is more severe than cutting the skin causing my lifeless blood to leave my empty useless carcass. Alone .What is it like to be an insider? I knew but this darkness is ripping the scabs on me. The scars keeping me here .Real pain or resolving my life in a thoughtless way. Why can't the pain of hate go away. Is there anotherway to stop thedarkness? I want to be lead by light but it's too dark a path to see anything other than my cold, hard, dark life. Others say I have everything ,shelter ,food. I have darkness to replace most of the love in this world from people I should be loved by. I wan't to cry but no one will listen. The pain will not pour over from the tear ducts in my eyes. I try to hold on to the good but it slips away everytime. My heart is full half darkness half darkness half goodness and life from one I can really trust and love (my Jacob). I try to keep my darkness a secret but whats the use. I love the one who truly loves the air that I breath that I need more than anything else.
