Wow...something from me that's NOT McCormick centric. I must be coming down with something.
This was inspired by a phone conversation I had with Zib (God love her)-we were talking about crack pairings. Although this is pretty much canon if you think about it. So here goes. Possibly the first Movel thing ever written. I have a feeling this is possibly terrible, but I will leave that to my reviewers to decide (if it is stupid/crazy/awful, tell me: it's the only way I'll improve.
Oh-and I actually have nothing against religions. I find them pretty interesting. Just thought I'd point that out, so I don't look like I'm trying to be a douche about anyone's faith.
South Park, Ze Mole, his mother and his shovel © Matt Stone and Trey Parker
Christophe DeLorne does not love anyone.
Contrary to popular belief, he is not indulging in homosexual relations with Gregory Thorne. Nor does his heart beat wildly at the sight of Kyle Broflovski's immense jewfro and the memory of the sweet relief the boy's arms gave him as he slipped from this life and into the next.
His mother... Anoushka DeLorn is a complicated woman. Pious and controlling on the surface, underneath..."fucked up" is the nicest way to describe how she is. Or was, as she insists on telling her son, but now, with the light of Christ, and the love of God, she has found her way out of the darkness.
Usually at this point, Christophe, or Ze Mole, as he prefers to be referred to as, likes to point out that God is a cock-sucking asshole, who must've got her into that darkness in the first place, if he then went on to get her out. He is then invariably grounded, and occasionally victim of having his mouth washed out with soap. If his mother is feeling especially cruel, she may also make him read a book of the Bible, although this has not happened in a while (Leviticus is still scattered liberally with cigarette burns from 18:7 to 26:12 as a result of the last time this happened). Ze Mole cares for his mother: someone has to. Love her...he supposes he does. She is his mother, after all. It's not like his father is around to do so. The fucking rat.
But physically loving someone? Needing them there with him, mind and body and soul? Feeling as though his soul has been torn in two whenever they are not around?
No, he doesn't get that.
Except...
Well...
There is...sort of, he supposes. Not in a stupid, traditional, we're-going-to-marry-and-have-four-children-and-live-in-a-chateau kind of way. God has inflicted him with such pain and misery in his life, that having to be like that with a person would only make it worse.
But...without...without them, he would not be able to cope.
Without his shovel, Ze Mole would be nothing.
