My first story so bare with me, if you see mistakes sorry english not my strongest subject took it twice for GCSE passed second try. anyway i guess there is TRIGGER WARNING im new to this so i will warn just case.
The door was shut in her face holding back tears Beca walked to her dads house for advice even though she doubted he could give her any but she had no one else to go to.
"So you thought quitting was the answer" Becas dad Sebastian said.
"Seriously you're gonna talk to me about quitting" Beca said looking up at her dad.
"Beca your mom and I didn't work" Sebastian started but Beca zoned out not wanting to listen, (some of this may trigger you if you lost someone or have self harmed mentions of suicide) her dad didn't even seem to want to fix things with her mom, she remembers the shouting that used to wake her up at night clutching her teddy as tears rolled down her face, she remembers coming home school to be told, that her parents are getting a divorce she thought it was her fault she was only nine, she remembers asking to go live with her mom, helping her mom to pick out a house and helping choose all the furniture, she helped decorate, the house was better than any you see in those home magazines, it was great living with her mom her mom brought her good quality decks for her thirteenth birthday when she saw her interest in music, she put on mini gigs for her mom and few friends she had, watching movies with her mom 'The women' being their favorite, she remembers her mom getting sick both thinking it was just a bug, coming home from school one day and seeing her mom on the floor shaking, calling the ambulance for help she could barley talk, waiting on the hard plastic chairs to see her mom, she remembers the doctor coming out calling her name after what felt like days walking over to him to go see her mom, then being told her mom had passed away, it wasn't a bug but a brain tumor, everything went quiet, the tears streaming down her face, screaming at the doctor going into hysterics, throwing punches into his chest yelling at him that he didn't try hard enough to help her mom, she remembers collapsing into his arms crying so hard while he held her, she remembers struggling to breathe because she couldn't get enough air in, then everything going black and quiet it felt nice and peaceful she wanted to stay, the harsh lights when she opened her eyes closing them immediately, only to open them again more slowly when she heard movement beside her relising then that someone was holding her hand she turned her head, hoping it was her mom and that she just had a horrific nightmare, but when she saw who it was she burst into tears realising it wasn't a dream it was her dad, her dad came and hugged her she cried even harder, she remembers going back to her house, it being empty and silent going to to her room to pack to go live with her dad and the step-monster going into her moms room and packing her moms favorite things, the funeral is one thing she doesn't remember well it went by in a blur people said a few words about how much they would miss her how great of a person she was is Beca thought, she couldn't say anything so she played her moms favorite mix that she made instead, she remembers being sixteen and depressed new school new place no friends she wore black and heavy eyeliner she got her ears pierced and wore ear spikes, her dad didn't approve saying it was a silly thing to do, her dad finding out she got tattoos and yelling at her how she was defacing her body, they never seemed to get on whenever they spoke it used to end up in an argument Shelia the step-monster tried to get them to stop and get close to Beca but it made things worse she remembers coming home from a shit day at school running up to her room and grabbing her box running into the bathroom and locking the door, the hot feel of the water pelting down on her back as she cried her eyes were sore and red she seemed to cry a lot, opening the box and taking out the cool piece of metal turning it around her fingers looking down at her old scars that she made to relieve the pain she felt, the feeling of relief when she cut down hard onto her arm the blood dripping down her arm, the feeling of numbness as she fell in to bliss she was finally free, then the weight of something on her hand pulled her away she hears mumbling she wants it to stop so she can sleep opening her eyes to a harsh light a light that she woke to after being told her mother had passed, turning her head to see her father sitting there it looked like he had been crying he asked her why she just stared at him, her dad sent her to therapist she did not like her therapist she was rude so saying that she was just attention seeking Beca just never spoke during sessions eventually her dad said she didn't have to go, he was cautious from then about her using sharp objects being overly protective which resulted in more arguing when he saw her old scars he was disappointed and told her how pathetic it was and brung up her mom, then college came around she was happy to be leaving her dad even though it wasn't for what she wanted she wanted to be a DJ and produce music her dad said Djing is a hobby missing the music producer part which was a big part and seeming to have lived under a rock to not know the numerous successful Djs in the world, but he wanted her to get a college education for free he added she didn't go to her lessons until he made a deal with her one month here join a club if you still don't like it i'll pay for you to go to LA, then that deal got broken when she got arrested why do I bother he doesn't care noone does she told herself as he drove her home giving her a lecture of how stupid she was for getting arrested.
"You shut me out" Sebastian said bringing Beca out of her head.
"Yeah I shut everyone out don't take it personally its just easier"
