The full moon in it's pearly glory, it always seems to be a forboding of bad things. An omen to warn me against an on-coming storm. It was there the night that damn Kyuubi attacked and destoryed my family and home. It was there the night I nearly died trying to kill that bastard Orochimaru. And it was there that night, the night my perfect childhood world came crashing down around me, the night I lost my faith in humanity, the night I stopped beliving in love existing.
So why then is it here tonight? Why is my guiding compass for when disaster may strike looming over like a big, shining demon imposing on this perfect moment? This is the point I've been waiting for for months now, I point I thought I would never experience. How can this be dangerous? How can it be wrong? For the first time in so long I feel warm, I feel happy, I feel loved.
I said to myself the night my teacher betrayed my trust and tossed aside the love and adoration I'd had for him for so long that I'd never let anyone get close to me again. That if anyone even so much tried to be friends I'd find a way to chase them off for good. That's how I've been living my life for the last twenty-five years. However, he's not minded my moodswings, my violent temper or how I mock him for being how he is. He's just taken all the abuse I've thrown at him, not minding and even cracking a smile once or twice. It's almost like he enjoys being around me despite it all, I can't even begin to imagine why. I act like a childish teen around him, almost treat him like crap. But he's still so kind and understanding. It makes me feel guilty everytime I see that cutely scarred face of his, if I catch his innocent gaze with my own empty eyes. I doubt he'd want to be around me if he really knew what thoughts go through my head whenever I watch him, even when he's just doing paperwork.
But now I'm starting to wonder, maybe he isn't what I thought he was. And I don't mean that in a bad way, I mean it in a good way. No way would a guy as pure and as innocent as people make out Iruka is could kiss like this. So passionate, so strong, so deep. Tounges locked in mortal combat, dancing from one's home turf to the other. I never thought that out of every man whose tried to get close to me that he would be the one that I actually fell for.
He's so gentle, so kind. I never thought he'd come near me, let alone this close. I mean I'm nothing really. As I admitted earlier I try my best to drive people away, but it's not all that difficult. I just say what I think and do what I want, so it's really me they hate. Really, really me. No blanket or mask to hide behind. Some nights its all I can do not to cry, I'll admit that now. So I really don't know what he sees me. You'd think he'd want someone who'd stay at home with their kids and cook dinner for him for when he got home. Like I'd ever do that, I can't let myself get carried away with my daydreams. Right now he may be interested, but it won't last long. It never does.
