The hairy mushroom
In a Muggle town, in a Muggle house, filled with
Muggle furniture and lit by Muggle lights, Hermione, a Witch from a Muggle
family, and Ron, a Wizard from a Wizard family, sit in front of a Muggle fire
drinking Muggle tea. Outside the Muggle window, Muggle rain pounds on the
Muggle glass.
Hermione:
I had a wonderful day today at the office. There were very few people in the
hospital, which is always a good thing, because it means fewer people have been
hurt, and fewer people are sick. It is a cheerful thing to think that the
world is so devoid of darkness. Ever since You-know-who was defeated in the
last war, I have been expecting him to return. Yet now it seems that he—if
that thing can be given a sex—has finally disappeared for good.
All this time, Ron has been stirring his Muggle tea
without looking up. When Hermione pauses a Muggle pause, he raises his head,
nods to acknowledge her Muggle words, and takes a\ Muggle sip. Hermione
continues. She has a cup of Muggle tea in one hand, but does not drink from
it.
Hermione:
I'm so happy that Harry has finally settled down with that lovely Frenchwoman,
Gabrielle. The two can start a family; I know that Harry has always adored
children. Why, the way he plays with little Paige and Phineas, you just know
he was born to be a father. It's funny, though, after we spent that awful time
in Tartarus, I thought that Harry would never be happy again. He still expects
You-know-who to appear again, after all these years, and to tell the truth, I
agree with him. Why, today at the hospital, you we had such
a large number of emergency room patients. I wouldn't be surprised if
You-know-who did make a return, what with this new
spree of violence in the air.
All this time, Ron has been stirring his Muggle tea
without looking up. When Hermione pauses a Muggle pause, he raises his head,
nods to acknowledge her Muggle words, and takes a Muggle sip. Hermione
continues. She has a cup of Muggle tea in one hand, but does not drink from
it.
Hermione:
I, myself, have been too frightened to even venture into Diagon Alley alone
these days. And as for Emerald City! Well! I don't know how Draco is going
to handle all that, or if he even plans to. He never was one for
responsibility. I remember that time back at Hogwarts, I think we were in our
third year, Hagrid's first year teaching Care for Magical Creatures, you know,
when he refused to listen to Hagrid, and got himself attacked by that poor
Buckbeak. And to top it off, he blamed it on Hagrid's poor teaching skills,
and lack of responsibility!
All this time, Ron has been stirring his Muggle tea
without looking up. When Hermione pauses a Muggle pause, he raises his head,
nods to acknowledge her Muggle words, and takes a Muggle sip. Hermione
continues. She has a cup of Muggle tea in one hand, but does not drink from
it.
Hermione:
Now, I'm not saying that Hagrid is the most responsible either. He was the one
who tried to raise that baby dragon, Norbert, surrounded by all that wood. Not
very intelligent. And, to top it off, he didn't even realize that hooded
figure who gave him that Norwegian Ridgeback egg was just trying to find out
the secret to get past Fluffy! Too much drinking if you ask me. Why, he could
have easily gotten Harry, or even you or me, killed! Not that I'm one to hold
a grudge. Why, I think that Draco is a good chap after all he tried to do to
us back at school. And for calling me "Mudblood."
All this time, Ron has been stirring his Muggle tea
without looking up. When Hermione pauses a Muggle pause, he raises his head,
nods to acknowledge her Muggle words, and takes a Muggle sip. Hermione
continues. She has a cup of Muggle tea in one hand, but does not drink from
it.
Hermione:
And where is that Winky with our dinner! I know I gave her the day off today,
but this is outrageous. I haven't had anything to eat all day.
Ron: Well
now, I heard the most astonishing thing today!
Hermione:
What is it, dear?
Ron: Did
you know that Maury and Maury got married?
Hermione:
No, I had no bloody idea! Was it mentioned in the papers today?
Ron: No,
of course not. They have been married for five years now. I just thought of
it now, while you were talking.
Hermione:
Well, if you knew, then why did you sound surprised?
Ron: I
just wanted to see if you knew. And you didn't.
Hermione:
I did, too know. I just forgot. I know everything. Why, I bet you didn't
know that Maury and Maury are expecting their first child.
Ron: No, I
didn't know that! They are such a happily married couple, nothing like the old
married thing we've become. Their first! Imagine that…what do you think they
will name it? Is it a boy or a girl?
Hermione:
A girl. And as for names, they will most likely name it Maury, after like
their first two children, of which they have a boy and a girl. They really
haven't had much luck with getting both sexes of children, like they wanted.
That name is really popular in that family; why, whenever we go over to visit,
I have the worst time remembering names!
Ron: I
should say you would, dear, you always had the worst memory of we two. For
instance, I bet you forgot that Maury had died last week of pneumonia.
Hermione:
Which Maury was that? The husband, or the wife?
Ron: Why,
the wife of course! She was my agent for several years, right up until her
death a little while ago. I never speak of the husband by name if I can
mention it, you should know that. The sneaky bastard, always lying to that
sweet woman while he was secretly sleeping around on the side. And then he had
the nerve to say he had never really loved Maury anyway! It's a good thing
they're getting a divorce.
Hermione:
My goodness, I had no idea! That will be all over the society pages in the
Prophet next week. We'll have to talk to Angelina for the whole story. It's a
good thing they have no children to worry about. Children always get caught up
in the middle of things. Why, I had the worst time of it when my own parents
were getting divorced. Which reminds me dear, we must get ready for dinner at
the Burrow tonight. Although I don't know how much of it I can eat, though
your mother always puts out a good spread. I stuffed myself full all day. It
being the Christmas season, everyone has brought treats into the hospital to
share.
Hermione and Ron stand up
to leave the room, putting down their Muggle teacups. Ron encircles his wife's
waist with his arm, his hand on her hip. He gives her a quick kiss on the
neck.
Ron:
Well, I daresay you'll look good in anything you decide to wear.
Hermione and Ron exeunt.