The hairy mushroom

The hairy mushroom

In a Muggle town, in a Muggle house, filled with Muggle furniture and lit by Muggle lights, Hermione, a Witch from a Muggle family, and Ron, a Wizard from a Wizard family, sit in front of a Muggle fire drinking Muggle tea.  Outside the Muggle window, Muggle rain pounds on the Muggle glass. 

Hermione: I had a wonderful day today at the office.  There were very few people in the hospital, which is always a good thing, because it means fewer people have been hurt, and fewer people are sick.  It is a cheerful thing to think that the world is so devoid of darkness.  Ever since You-know-who was defeated in the last war, I have been expecting him to return.  Yet now it seems that he—if that thing can be given a sex—has finally disappeared for good. 

All this time, Ron has been stirring his Muggle tea without looking up.  When Hermione pauses a Muggle pause, he raises his head, nods to acknowledge her Muggle words, and takes a\ Muggle sip.  Hermione continues.  She has a cup of Muggle tea in one hand, but does not drink from it.

Hermione:  I'm so happy that Harry has finally settled down with that lovely Frenchwoman, Gabrielle.  The two can start a family; I know that Harry has always adored children.   Why, the way he plays with little Paige and Phineas, you just know he was born to be a father.  It's funny, though, after we spent that awful time in Tartarus, I thought that Harry would never be happy again.  He still expects You-know-who to appear again, after all these years, and to tell the truth, I agree with him.  Why, today at the hospital, you we had such a large number of emergency room patients.  I wouldn't be surprised if You-know-who did make a return, what with this new spree of violence in the air. 

All this time, Ron has been stirring his Muggle tea without looking up.  When Hermione pauses a Muggle pause, he raises his head, nods to acknowledge her Muggle words, and takes a Muggle sip.  Hermione continues.  She has a cup of Muggle tea in one hand, but does not drink from it.

Hermione:  I, myself, have been too frightened to even venture into Diagon Alley alone these days.  And as for Emerald City!  Well!  I don't know how Draco is going to handle all that, or if he even plans to.  He never was one for responsibility.  I remember that time back at Hogwarts, I think we were in our third year, Hagrid's first year teaching Care for Magical Creatures, you know, when he refused to listen to Hagrid, and got himself attacked by that poor Buckbeak.  And to top it off, he blamed it on Hagrid's poor teaching skills, and lack of responsibility!

All this time, Ron has been stirring his Muggle tea without looking up.  When Hermione pauses a Muggle pause, he raises his head, nods to acknowledge her Muggle words, and takes a  Muggle sip.  Hermione continues.  She has a cup of Muggle tea in one hand, but does not drink from it.

Hermione:  Now, I'm not saying that Hagrid is the most responsible either.  He was the one who tried to raise that baby dragon, Norbert, surrounded by all that wood.  Not very intelligent.  And, to top it off, he didn't even realize that hooded figure who gave him that Norwegian Ridgeback egg was just trying to find out the secret to get past Fluffy!  Too much drinking if you ask me.  Why, he could have easily gotten Harry, or even you or me, killed!  Not that I'm one to hold a grudge.  Why, I think that Draco is a good chap after all he tried to do to us back at school.   And for calling me "Mudblood." 

All this time, Ron has been stirring his Muggle tea without looking up.  When Hermione pauses a Muggle pause, he raises his head, nods to acknowledge her Muggle words, and takes a  Muggle sip.  Hermione continues.  She has a cup of Muggle tea in one hand, but does not drink from it.

Hermione:  And where is that Winky with our dinner!  I know I gave her the day off today, but this is outrageous.  I haven't had anything to eat all day. 

Ron:  Well now, I heard the most astonishing thing today!

Hermione:  What is it, dear?

Ron:  Did you know that Maury and Maury got married?

Hermione:  No, I had no bloody idea!  Was it mentioned in the papers today?

Ron:  No, of course not.  They have been married for five years now.  I just thought of it now, while you were talking. 

Hermione:  Well, if you knew, then why did you sound surprised? 

Ron: I just wanted to see if you knew.  And you didn't. 

Hermione:  I did, too know.  I just forgot.  I know everything.  Why, I bet you didn't know that Maury and Maury are expecting their first child. 

Ron: No, I didn't know that!  They are such a happily married couple, nothing like the old married thing we've become.  Their first!  Imagine that…what do you think they will name it?  Is it a boy or a girl?

Hermione:  A girl.  And as for names, they will most likely name it Maury, after like their first two children, of which they have a boy and a girl.  They really haven't had much luck with getting both sexes of children, like they wanted.  That name is really popular in that family; why, whenever we go over to visit, I have the worst time remembering names!

Ron:  I should say you would, dear, you always had the worst memory of we two.  For instance, I bet you forgot that Maury had died last week of pneumonia. 

Hermione:  Which Maury was that?  The husband, or the wife?

Ron:  Why, the wife of course!  She was my agent for several years, right up until her death a little while ago.  I never speak of the husband by name if I can mention it, you should know that.   The sneaky bastard, always lying to that sweet woman while he was secretly sleeping around on the side.  And then he had the nerve to say he had never really loved Maury anyway!  It's a good thing they're getting a divorce. 

Hermione:  My goodness, I had no idea!  That will be all over the society pages in the Prophet next week.  We'll have to talk to Angelina for the whole story.  It's a good thing they have no children to worry about.  Children always get caught up in the middle of things.  Why, I had the worst time of it when my own parents were getting divorced.  Which reminds me dear, we must get ready for dinner at the Burrow tonight.  Although I don't know how much of it I can eat, though your mother always puts out a good spread.  I stuffed myself full all day.  It being the Christmas season, everyone has brought treats into the hospital to share. 

Hermione and Ron stand up to leave the room, putting down their Muggle teacups.  Ron encircles his wife's waist with his arm, his hand on her hip.  He gives her a quick kiss on the neck.

Ron:  Well, I daresay you'll look good in anything you decide to wear. 

Hermione and Ron exeunt.