This is a fic that is based on an idea I am also doing for MV, but is being done for HP first because Vitzy asked for it!

I don't own anything!


Summary: what if all the characters, individually, got high on cocaine?

Humour and parody… some character bashing, I guess…


Harry is on LSD and cocaine…


"Whoa," Harry says as he begins to spin around. "Ginny, since when did you turn into a dragon?" he asks his girlfriend in confusion as he shuts his eyes to try and get rid of the strange image. But no, when he opens his eyes again, he sees the same image: his girlfriend with a huge green head and long ginger hair hanging from the side of it… oh and the snout on her! God, it seems bigger than Pinnochio's and the height of the Eiffel Tower added together.

"Harry, are you alright?" she asks him in alarm but he shakes his head, trying to dispel the image from his mind. He can't manage it and ends up turning away from his girlfriend, staggering around the living room of their house as he tries to go back to normal.

"Dragon!" he yells as she advances towards him, brandishing his wand to try and attack her but failing miserably. The only thing he manages to do is turn the pot of stew on the table into a blown up teddy bear like that you… well, he doesn't actually know why you use them, but he manages to transfigure it anyway. "I need to get help… DRAGON! GINNY THERE IS A DRAGON!" he yells up the stairs, staggering out into the hallway as he tries to search for the woman right in front of him.

She rolls her eyes and ends up focusing on the pot of tea that wasn't there before that he has been drinking… it has the same pattern on the rim as George's tea set that their mother bought him for his housewarming present.

"Harry, where is your phone?" she asks him gently, staying far enough away as she casts an identifying charm on the tea to see that the tea contains LSD and cocaine… so the damned brother of hers has drugged her boyfriend… well, that's normal!

He screams as Ginny turns towards him, only seeing the dragon that isn't really there, and digs his phone out of his pocket to text Hermione:

Hermmy… drrraagn sxc innnda haaasee…. Hlp nrrrrrrr

That is the text that he manages to send to Hermione, for some reason imagining that the word 'sxc' says 'present' in terms of being there in the house. So Hermione receives a text which is more than slightly strange.

"Stay away from me, dragon!" he yells at Ginny, groping for the door and staggering out of it. Here, he ends up falling over the step and landing on his head, huge lashings of blood rolling out of his head. Be thankful that there isn't a vampire around, is the only thought he can think of as he staggers to his feet, wiping the crimson liquid off of his head.

As he looks around at the empty street, all he can see are mystical creatures that are out to get him: gremlins, evil goblins, house elves who hate him, Death Eaters… everything possible to be against him: werewolves, vampires and even the Cornish Pixies from second year! It's more than he can bear, so he ends up Apparating away from there, somehow managing to make it past the anti apparation barriers at Hogwarts into McGonagall's study.

"Potter… how are you here?" she asks him in confusion, standing up sharply as she sees him appear in front of him. the blood pouring down his face makes him appear as if he has been in a fight to the death rather than just tripping over his front door step, and the bloodshot eyes and sweating body don't exactly aid the latter explanation.

But when he looks at her, all he sees is a mermaid, an evil creature that is after him, one that hates Harry Potter and wants him tied to the bottom of the sea.

"STAY AWAY FROM ME!" he screeches, launching himself at the window and jumping out of it to save himself from the mermaid…

… but just interacts with a giant in mid air.

Always a downside to jumping out of the window when you're high on coke and LSD, isn't there?


Whatcha think?

Who should I do next? Any character, any generation!

Vicky xx