A/N: Despite the plots holes you could drive a truck through with this TV series, I have to admit that I did enjoy the characters. Especially Ben. His story was interesting because of what he'd been through and how it had changed him. I started writing this little story because I wanted to explore how Ben would have adjusted after the war was over. I thought I would share.
Enjoy!
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CHAPTER ONE.
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The spikes might be gone, they had disintegrated along with the Esphani, but the disfigured scars on his back were a constant reminder of that brutal war. Ben knew they would always be there. Always a part of him. The war had changed them all, but for some it had completely changed them.
Looking into the faces of the children, who like him had been harnessed, eyes filled with a remorse that no one else understood. Those faces, barely human anymore, a look of terror in their eyes and the sobering thought he lived with day in and day out – it could have been him.
He was one of the lucky ones. Guess that is why he was one of the few to truly understand them. After the war had ended, the half breeds or half humans as they were often labelled were brought in. The children varied in ages from 6 to 18. As did the genetic mutation of their bodies, depending upon how long they had been harnessed.
The younger children were scared and cried a lot. The older ones were filled with hate and anger at what had been done to them.
There was so much pain. He might not have the spikes, but he still acutely felt their plight. It was this that led him to find his true role in this new world.
He could reach them. He could help them adjust. As for the angrier, older children, he was the only one they trusted.
For the last 12 months he had become their mentor, their teacher, often their brother, sometimes even a father figure to the smaller children.
Ben didn't see them as being hideous. He had already worked, dwelt with and lived among the Skiddish rebels. He'd felt their pain too, through the connection of the spikes. His mind and their mind co-existing together, finding mutual ground. If he had to be entirely honest, he would have to say that he'd never felt so close, and strangely comforted in the union of their two souls. A shared empathy that he had never experienced with a fellow human, except briefly with Maggie.
Back then he'd had some romantic foolish notion of what love might be. After all what girl would ever want him like this? A freak of nature. But Maggie was different. She didn't treat him like a freak, or even a boy. She treated him as her equal, as a young man.
He had fallen completely and helplessly in love with her. He'd even risked giving her some of his spikes to save her.
But she hadn't wanted the spikes, just like she hadn't want him. She loved Hal, and she always would.
Ben had had enough time to come to terms with it. He'd even managed to suck up his emotional pain and be the best man at Hal and Maggie's wedding.
He remembered that night, the night Hal had asked him to be best man. Forcing a smile to his face, he hugged his brother and said yes.
He remembered the concerned expression of his father's face, later that night when they were alone.
'Are you sure about this, Ben?'
He'd nodded. 'Yep, I'm over Maggie. I don't love her. It was just a school boy infatuation.'
Liar, liar, pants of fire. He only just wished he didn't love her. Maybe 12 months wasn't long enough.
That had been six months ago, and his feelings for her still hadn't abated despite him wishing they would. Of course he saw her often, at family gatherings, glowing with pregnancy. Five months along she was now and often his eyes would drift to the slight swell of her belly. It was a very clear reminder that she was carrying Hal's child and would never ever belong to him.
Yep, there was no wishing otherwise. And he really had come to terms with it. But his feelings just couldn't be turned off like a tap. Though he wished they could be. If only it were that simple.
He really wasn't a school boy either. He was 20, once that would have been considered young, but even managing to reach 20 years of age after the war was considered a feat in itself.
There were slim pickings when it came to people his own age too, and the ones that were he didn't like. In his experience most young guys were complete jerks. He'd been taunted and tortured by enough of them.
He didn't have the patience for them. Neither did he remotely care to associate with them either. As for the girls, he hadn't found one he liked. They seemed to simper and giggle too much for his liking. Not to mention they had the maturity of a gnat. So ignorant and … stupid.
'What all of them?' Anne would smile in amusement, when she would ask him if he'd found a girl he liked yet, and he'd reply with his usual rant.
'C'mon Ben, have you even bothered to get to know any of them?'
She had him there. But he could hardly tell her that it was hard to be interested in girls when his feelings for Maggie were still so acute.
'Trust me, Anne, girls are not much interested when you're labelled the Monster Teacher.'
That was always his fall back argument, and pretty much the truth too. Girls his own age often looked at him as if he was some kind of freak. They gave him a wide birth. He gave them a wide birth too.
Anne would smile fondly at him. 'There will be a special person for you one day. And she will have to be exceptionally special to be with such an amazing young man.'
He loved Anne almost as much as he had loved his own mother. She had been with him through the worst of it. Often the one to bring him out of his dark despair when the migraines were at the worst, when he couldn't see a foot in front of him. When his fears sometimes overwhelmed him, she would be there. Always the voice of comfort and reason.
And those early days, directly after the war, had been hell.
Without the spikes he was nearly as physically inept as he'd once been. And much to his chagrin, suffering really bad eyesight, which he'd never had before, along with the crippling migraines.
Connecting with the Esphani Hub, and putting his body through that torture had come with a price. The cornea in both his eyes had been damaged, resulting in Keratoconus. A progressive disease in which the cornea thins and changes shape. The distortion bordered between moderate and severe, making him nearsighted. He couldn't drive at night, even with glasses. And he had to wear them all of the time. Without glasses he could barely make out his own image in the mirror.
'You will need to have a corneal transplant later down the tract,' the eye specialist had told him.
How had he gone from being so strong to so pathetically weak?
The migraines had gradually abated. At first he'd been bed ridden with them, wishing he was dead. Strong medication was given and it helped him function at least, but the side effects were not pleasant. They often made him dizzy, drowsy with muscle cramps and weakness. Sometimes he broke out in hives and it felt like his skin was on fire. Then there was that fun drug which caused swelling in his face, fingers, feet and lower legs. However, that drug was the most effective. The swelling he could live with. It was better than muscle cramps. He felt more alert. Okay, so he didn't look good, but after the intense pain he'd been through over the last month, he'd deal.
Much of that was behind him now. He still had sensitivity to light, which meant he had to wear photochromatic lenses in his glasses that would tint when exposed to bright light. Which unfortunately meant he couldn't wear contact lenses. The glasses allowed him to function as a normal person. There had been days when he'd lain in bed wondering if he'd ever get out of it, wondering if he would have a normal life again.
How he'd missed those spikes. Freak or not, but they had made him strong and fast. He'd been an asset, needed and wanted. Then after he was nothing more than a burden. Useless. Totally and completely useless.
It was that thought alone that had eaten away at him in the early days. Lost in his own self-pity. It wasn't until he saw the damaged half human, half turned skidder kids that he was able to gain perspective.
When he was with them he felt whole, accepted in a way that no one completely human would ever understand. The look of joy on the young children's faces when he walked into the classroom every morning was enough for him. He would tell stories of his fallen comrades. Not just the human ones, but mostly the Skidder rebels and their leader.
"Red Eye they called him. Red Eye could no longer remember his name, like them, he was taken as a small boy and harnessed. He evolved into another being he did not know, losing all sight of his own true identity. His people were destroyed, their culture all but lost. All he had left were distant memories. He had to fight to hold onto those memories. He had to fight really hard."
Gracie, the youngest of the half human skidder kids, would always find a way to crawl onto his lap. They had managed to find adoptive parents for the majority of the younger children, but Gracie was too much Skidder looking and people just couldn't bring themselves to still see her as a human child. The Skidder kids were kept apart from the other children, mostly for their own protection.
Ben had all but more or less adopted Gracie as his own sister. She lived with him, at his Dad and Anne's place. She had her own room. She spent her free time playing with his baby half-sister, Lily. Lily was now 12 months old, and into everything. Knowing no differently Lily adored Gracie. It gave him hope that tomorrow's generation would be more accepting with differences of race and species.
Matt lived with them too. He spent a lot of his free time helping him with the Skidder kids. It was hard to believe that his younger brother was 15 going on 16. He'd even caught him kissing Evelyn in the living room when they thought no one was around.
At first Ben had been sort of shocked. His little kid brother kissing a girl. Damn, but his kid brother had more of a love life than he did! How was that even fair?
He was so going to get over Maggie one of these days. She was just a part of his past. An idealistic dream. He could get pass his feelings for her, he could get … the doorbell chimed.
"Ben, can you get that," Anne called out from the kitchen.
He walked to the door, pulled it open and there she stood.
"Maggie," he began, heart pounding. He managed to compose his facial features. "You look …."
She looked absolutely beautiful. Her hair falling over her shoulders in long golden waves.
"Great," he continued. "Pregnancy certainly agrees with you."
He nearly melted when she flashed that warm smile of hers.
"You are a sweet heart, Ben. I so can't wait to have my body back and right now I feel like ten ton Tessie."
She had to be exaggerating right? That's what women did, though he couldn't figure out why?
He shook his head. "You don't look like ten ton Tessie."
She dazzled him with another smile. He could feel the hint of colour in his cheeks. Oh, crap, the last thing he wanted was for her to see him blush.
"Um, come inside," he hurriedly added, stepping back to let her pass. He caught a waft of her perfume. She smelt good. He still remembered the feel of her in his arms. The softness of her skin, lithe and graceful as her body moulded into his and … best not to go there.
Pulling his errant thoughts into line, he fell into step with her. They walked towards the kitchen.
"How is the teaching going?" she asked.
"Really good, it's very rewarding."
Her warm beautiful eyes glanced up at him. "You are amazing with those kids. And your adoptive daughter."
Ben was so tongue tied by the compliment, he could barely find his voice. "Adoptive daughter?" he finally managed to say and raised an eyebrow. "I'm a bit young to be a Dad."
"You had to grow up quick though, with everything that had happened to you."
"I guess."
"Gracie sees you as her father replacement figure and you do it so seemingly where as I'm completely terrified with becoming a mother and I'm eight years older than you."
Was it really just his imagination that a certain understanding still existed between them despite the fact she hadn't had the spikes in many years. It was uncanny that she still had the knack of knowing him all too well. And that was the problem. There really were not any other girls here that would ever understand him in the same way Maggie did. He was too changed.
"You shouldn't be," he stammered. "I think you will make an amazing Mom."
They stopped walking. Her hand rested on his arm. "Thank you, Ben."
Gracie came running into the room. "Aunty Maggie," she called out.
Ben welcomed the distraction. Maggie caught the girl in her arms. "Hey there Gracie girl, how was your day?"
"It could have been better, some boys were being mean when Ben I were walking home and Ben got into a fight."
Maggie shot a worried look his way. "Again?"
"It wasn't much of a fight," he shrugged off. Nothing out of the ordinary really. He was used to it. It still infuriated him when anyone else teased Gracie. He on the other hand could take it and could easily ignore the barbs.
"I really don't have that physical strength anymore."
"You sound like you miss it."
Shoving his hands in his pockets, he averted his eyes from hers. "Sometimes I do."
"Even knowing that it would considerably shorten your life span, not to mention the damage it did to your eyesight and internal organs. You barely survived, Ben."
"My internal organs are perfectly fine now."
"Yes, you have youth on your side to thank for that, but you still don't know how that's going to go long term."
"It wasn't the spikes that caused that damage."
He still recalled their conversation. How he'd told her that communicating with the Esphani hub and learning everything was just as important to him as her having the spikes removed.
"I still won't ever forgive myself for letting you go and do that, not now, not after seeing you in so much agony in that hospital bed."
"And if you hadn't let me go we might not be standing here today," he quietly added. "I knew what I had to do."
She left out a sigh. "You Mason men are all so stubborn and strong minded."
He raised an eyebrow. "Coming out of the mouth of someone who is so fiercely self-reliant and independent."
An ironic smile crossed her face. "Point taken."
Her hand slipped into his and she gently squeezed his fingers. "I think you are all remarkable."
And this was exactly why he couldn't stop loving her.
Gracie was tugging on his other hand, now she didn't have his or Maggie's attention, but he welcomed it. Was Maggie even aware of his feelings towards her? He hoped not. He'd learned to wear a mask to hide his emotions behind over the years.
"Tell Maggie about how well you did in your maths test."
Gracie chatted away as they walked into the kitchen. Anne looked up from stirring a pot on the stove, Lily on one hip.
"Is it that the time already?" Anne exclaimed.
"Yep, my five month pregnancy check-up," Maggie replied.
Pregnancy check-up, damn, he sure had lousy timing. He'd forgotten how much Maggie hated hospitals and came to their house for her medical examinations.
"Can you look after Lily for me?" Anne continued, shoving Lily into his arms.
"Sure."
"And keep an eye on the stove, make sure the soup doesn't burn."
Okay, kids he could do, cooking on the other hand could be a problem. Anne led Maggie into the bedroom and Lily, excited to have her older brother, started planting sloppy kisses all over his cheek. Grabbing fistfuls of his hair, she squealed.
"You still in the hair pulling phase." He grimaced.
He gently pulled her hands away from his hair. One chubby hand, now free from his hair, promptly pulled the glasses off his face.
"No … Lily, give me back my glasses."
The glasses went in her mouth and he groaned. Now he would have to spend a good five minutes cleaning baby slobber from them. She was so adorable though. He ran a hand over his soft downy hair before placing a kiss on the top of her head.
Hearing the front door open, Ben looked up at the blurred shape of what he assumed to be his younger brother.
"Matt?"
"Yeah, it's me."
"Great, can you look after Lily?"
He shoved the baby girl in his arms before he had a chance to respond, and grabbed the glasses from her hand. Ben began washing them under the running tap water in the sink.
"I was going to study with Evelyn," Matt mumbled.
"Really," Ben returned with a smirk, "And study what exactly? How to kiss?"
"No," Matt scoffed.
Ben dried his glasses with a tea towel and waited for it. Matt always told him everything.
"Okay, well maybe," Matt continued. "I really like her. She's smart and she gets me, not like the other girls around here."
Yep, he could totally relate to that.
"Just that I don't know what to do. I want to kiss her, and she wants me to kiss her, but I'm not sure if I'm doing it right or if I'm even very good at it."
God, Ben couldn't even remember the last time he kissed a girl. But he had certainly replayed out his memories of kissing Maggie over and over again in his mind, till it would drive him crazy.
"You've kissed a girl before right, Ben."
Ben stopped cleaning his glasses for a moment, not liking where the conversation might be headed.
"Yeah, while ago now."
"You ever had … you know like sex."
Ben just about choked on his own saliva. What the hell!
"Um … well … um … no … kind of was busy with the war and all, and well then I was sick with those migraines and well … kind of been busy with teaching the kids, and tell me seriously you are not thinking of having sex at your age?!"
He shoved the glasses back on his face, and turned around to look his brother straight in the eye.
"You are only 15."
Matt was frowning. "Jeez, you are sounding more like Dad by the day. It's kind of scary and other kids my age have done it."
Terrific, now he sounded just like his dad. He might as well be 40 instead of 20. Ben took a deep steadying breath. "But 15 is still sort of young. How can you really know what you want at that age?"
"I remember Hal going out with Karen and he was only 16 at the time and I'm pretty sure they might have done it."
"Well maybe this is a conversation you should have with, Hal."
His all hot, conquering hero and get all the girls' older brother. He fought down the building resentment. He loved Hal. If it wasn't for Hal he wouldn't even be here. He'd be more of a deformed Skidder than the majority of the kids he now taught. In fact he'd be too far gone and would have evaporated into a pile of ash along with the Esphani. But there were times when … he just couldn't help being a tad jealous. What did Hal have that he didn't? Is that why Maggie loved him more?
"I wouldn't have sex with her. I just wanted to know about it," Matt stammered. "Just in case, one day … she might … it might … you know … happen … in the future."
Feeling a brother tenderness sweep over him, Ben raised a hand and ruffled Matt's hair.
"You want to make sure it's with the right girl and all," he said. "And that she has your best interest at heart."
Matt frowned. "How do you know that though? How can you be sure of anything?"
His younger brother, always the deep thinker. And that was one very good question he couldn't honestly answer.
"Is that why you haven't found another girl to like?" Matt continued.
Ben blinked and distracted himself with stirring the soup. "Yeah, I guess."
"Because you still love, Maggie."
Ben stopped stirring the pot and closed his eyes. He should have known better, nothing really escaped Matt's attention.
He turned around to face him.
"Okay, maybe … yes, but you can't tell anyone. Promise me."
Matt nodded. "Of course, you know I always keep my word."
Of course he could trust Matt. How many times had he promised his younger brother to keep a secret for him over the years?
"I don't think she is ever going to love you," Matt spoke, "Not like that, only ever like a brother."
He sighed. "I know, but I just can't stop the feelings. Wish I could."
Matt nodded, a solemn look on his face.
"I know what you mean."
Lily began to squirm in Matt's arms, eager to go and investigate.
"Gracie," Ben called, "Lily wants to play."
Gracie appeared and Matt put Lily down. Gracie took hold of Lily's hand and led her to the building blocks.
"You ever wonder what Gracie looked like before this happened to her?" Matt murmured beside him.
Ben shook his head. "No. Doesn't matter what she looks like. In her mind and heart she is still the same girl. It's just everyone else that sees her as being different."
"How old is she?"
Ben shrugged. "I'm not sure, maybe 8."
"You mean to tell me she was only 3 when she was harnessed?"
"More like five. Kids harnessed longer than three years were too far gone to help."
For a moment they watched the two girls play with the blocks. Gracie patiently showing Lily how to build blocks, but Lily was more intent with chewing on them. The only human thing left about Gracie were her eyes and voice. But the heart … well that was still totally human and hadn't changed at all, just like 'Red Eye' some of them managed to retain a part of their former selves.
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A/N: This chapter is mostly reflective and establishes where the characters are at. Next chapter it gets interesting.
Leave a review if you like, they are always very much appreciated and inspire me to continue.
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