Disclaimer: Everything belongs to J.K. Rowling, just having a bit of fun with her characters, never any money involved.
"Whenever a thing is done for the first time, it releases a little demon"
Emily Dickinson
A little Demon
She ran, unsuitable as it was for a professor, sending up red flags to passers-by that something was undoubtedly amiss, she ran. Her sensible black shoes instinctively found the steep stony path down to Hagrid's. The half giant could bound up and down that hill using only a handful of steps but Hermione stumbled and gathering to much momentum midway, toppled forward, her hair freed from her teachers tight bun, she scrambled to her feet, tasting warm salty blood at the corner of her lip. She continued to run until she reached Hagrid's garden, knowing he was off on some errand she unlatched the wooden gate and let herself in. The garden had become a refuge for her, a place where things grew naturally…the muggle way.
She knew she had left abruptly, she knew she must look affright and that Professor McGonagall must be completely bewildered but she needed to think…or hide…maybe both.
It had all come to pass suddenly, the beginning of term had started in a bustle, she was teaching 4 transfiguration classes, and assisting professor McGonagall with the students of Gryffindor House, as well as, a few of her duties as deputy. She had worked hard in her new position and after 4 years was coming into her own as a teacher. She loved working with her mentor, they got on so well.
The blood Hermione had tasted dripped onto her teaching robe and she lifted her sleeve to dab at the spot. She walked to the end of the garden enclosure and sat down on a pumpkin, deflated and angry with herself she stared out onto the wild strawberry fields.
The office she loved so much, with its cozy fireplace and famous tartan tin of biscuits had been offered to her this morning. McGonagall had told Hermione she was leaving by years end and that if Hermione was interested; Snape had given the authorization to offer her the Transfiguration position and everything that went along with it. On some level Hermione had known she was being groomed for this day. Minerva had slowed down since the final battle with Voldemort, she missed professor Dumbledore and was feeling misplaced. Hermione had tried everything to cheer her and divert her, but although she would play along, a sadness persisted behind her eyes.
When the offer was presented Hermione could only hear a ringing in her ears, she panicked and fled the room, she couldn't do it, she didn't want it….she cried. The tears mixed with the blood at the corner of her mouth and the diluted drops splashed on the bright orange pumpkin.
She heard a twig snap and from her perch on the pumpkin she turned to see professor Snape nimbly making his way down the steep grade. He looked intent, a black crow, scanning the area. She hung her head, feeling childish for both her display and her embarrassment at how Snape would react. It was an honor and she had made a mess of things, letting her emotions gain control. He would be most disappointed and, not unjustly, regretful that he had offered her such an important position.
He was not in the habit of running much anymore. In only 4 short years since the end of the war his once lean resistant body had become far too soft. He mentally chastised himself for letting this happen. Now where the devil is she?, he stopped abruptly, a very small pair of spectacles lay on the ground, a crack on the right eye, he stooped, they most certainly belonged to Hermione. His pace quickened. He thought of when she had first had to where them, he smirked at the endless questions of why something magical could not be done to restore her sight, a potion, a charm, a spell. He had suggested resting her eyes occasionally but new this was a fruitless idea. They were for reading only but like most she would forget to take them off and had taken to just wearing them all the time.
He spotted her in Hagrid's garden. She was sitting on an enormous pumpkin.
"Miss Granger." He opened the gate and followed the mulch path down to the pumpkin patch, holding the glasses gently in two fingers.
Her hair, falling in loose ringlets well below her shoulders was sun kissed at the ends, as if a small vestige of summer was leaving out the ends of her hair. She raised her head and he saw the blood at the corner of her mouth. He swallowed hard as something rose in his chest. He had not seen her like this in a long while…young…vulnerable.
"You have injured yourself?" It was half statement and half question, it lacked the Why? But the way the words hung in the air, the puzzlement was not lost on Hermione.
"Oh this." She dabbed it with her robes.
"Minerva said you were very upset? She is beside herself with worry?"
Hermione started to tear up again but willed the water not to fall, she slid off the pumpkin to face Snape…to apologize, but the words failed her.
"I found these on my way down." He placed the little glasses in her hand
"I am not sure what transpired but somehow you have been offended…or perhaps it is something else?" Snape was truly alarmed. He racked his brain to think what could have elicited such a response, surely she knew they were going to offer her a position soon, both he and McGonagall had alluded to it more than once. What was he missing? Uhg…Severus you are becoming soft… you are missing some nuance.
She stared down at the glasses…"I don't think I can do it." There was silence for a few moments, Snape digesting her admission.
"Ridiculous." He shook his head with eyebrows knitted.
He eyed her more closely… in the late afternoon light he could see the faded remains of a tan and the exertion of running and possibly falling had brought a color to her cheek.
"What can't you do Miss Granger?…the job?"
She stared down at the glasses in her hand.
"No…" and with an effort that was palpable she told him, " I can't be the person."
"The person?…you are a person…you are...you." Snape was confused and becoming a bit frustrated.
Hermione shook her head, "I don't know who I am anymore. I think I've been posing as Professor McGonagall."
Snape thought on this and tried to hide an uncharacteristic smile. He was beginning to understand.
"You do not have to be Minerva to take over this position…believe me…there is only one Minerva McGonagall." Hermione laughed at his inflection.
"I know but there were…are… certain sacrifices." She looked away.
He stared at her and realized the nuance he had overlooked. Hermione Granger was indeed a woman. Perhaps, she didn't want the job or perhaps, she wanted much more.
"I will not lie to you Miss Granger, the position you have been offered is demanding but I never thought that would be a problem."
"Neither did I."
"Something has changed?"
"Professor McGonagall never married."
"No, she never did."
"In fact, very few Hogwarts professors have ever married."
"Also true, but that does not mean it is impossible"….Snape looked at her and decided it would be a day of firsts. " Miss Granger if there was a professor who could possibly manage both marriage and career…I believe it would be you…" He bowed his head graciously. Hermione was stunned; it was the kindest thing Snape had ever said…maybe to anyone.
"Thank you."
"In fact, I'm surprised you haven't scheduled it in already." His eyes glittered.
She laughed at herself, and the crinkles of her mouth went up. "Yes…I suppose your right…and I do love Hogwarts…and of course my job…"
Snape watched her as she spoke her thoughts out loud; her laughing had reopened the little cut on her lip. He retrieved a clean handkerchief from his cloak and without thinking he raised her chin and dabbed at the cut.
The sun was almost gone and the pumpkins glowed in the dusky light behind them. She stopped her talking and looked at him, conscious suddenly of his actions she blushed and gently pulled the cloth into her own hand.
"We must go up to the castle and find Minerva, if you don't explain yourself quickly, she will, no doubt, be blaming the entire incident on me." Snape proceeded ahead with Hermione trailing behind, she was pondering how she would explain her sudden outburst but mostly tried to work out how her once insensitive potions professor had become such an adept headmaster.
As Snape walked in silence back to the castle he was more than a little unsettled. That was surely the most curious duty he had to perform yet as headmaster. The students and governers were one-thing but employee relations were something he needed more practice. If that had been anyone other than Hermione I don't think I would have known what to say….perhaps it was a… paternal instinct?
