Lord of the Rings: The Next Generation

Aragorn woke up one night...

Aragorn woke up next to Umad von Urist.
(earlier that week he found out he was gay)
"Sauron is back, I dreamt of him again.."
"If he is back, then he must have survived that fall!'
"Yes, your right"
Suddenly Arwen came in quickly.
"Sauron is back, he has killed Galadriel and Boromir !"
"oh, bugger" said Aragorn

At that moment Arwen droped dead on the floor, the poison she was secretly given the day before finaly killing her.
Her guts feel out of her, staining the carpet and makeing the nearby leafblower messy

"Noooooooooooooooooooooooo!" said our hero.
"Nooooooooooooo!" He repeated, in an upset tone of voice.
"She was my friend, I am very upset!"
"There there, Aragorn." Umad von Urist patted Aragorn on the back.
"Thanks, thats better :)"
"Look! She has something in her hand!"
Aragorn ripped open the flesh from the hand,spraying blood everywhere.
Inside was a secret encrypted, coded note:
"The desk walks slowly into the alarmclock as the Boxers of darkness returns."

"This must be a clue!"
"lets go!"

'But then, it turned out Aragorn's lover had been secretly sleeping with Sauron.

'The pain, the incredibly agonizing suffering he felt going through his heart, down his spine, into his collon and leaving his body through his anus once was going to take revenge, on both of them, on everyone.
He grabbed his dessert eagle, his barretta and his AK-74 with M6 bullets loaded. And of course, his trusty rocket launcher.
There he went, onto the streets, scaring everyone in sight. Everyone knew, he was out to take revenge.
The cops hide, so did the thieves and the beggers and the laddies, until there wasn`t a single living being on the steet.
He went into his flying helicopter, and forced his pilot at gunpoint to fly him to the base of Sauron. There he would take his revenge.
The base of Sauron' was crowded with thugs, all baring heavy arms and weapons. And those that didn`t have weapons, had big twin machetties and double egged katana's.
The helicopter came closer and Aragorn grabbed his semi-automatic rocketlauncher, pointed and fired at a group of thugs who were outside for a smoke.
A rain of blood came down, with limbs scattered everwhere. The helicopter itself was also coloured red, and Aragorn believed he could see someone`s eyebrow sticking against the glass.
"Shoulda dodged that," he said manly.
So they sneaked into the Sauron's lair. It was dark and there were horrofic things on the walls like drawings of skulls and suffering people who were beaing tortured in ice and beaten with huge tridents.
Through the dark and dank corridors of the lair's dungeons they went with outmost silence and skill. They sneaked past all the guards who had been turned into horrible demons by Sauron's new invention. And this would also happen to the whole world if they wouldn't be able to steal the Ring from Sauron's hands!
They went down the corridors and up the large majestic stairways made of bones and diamonds... One of the corridors led towards a great hall where in the middle of the hall stood a pedestaldripping in blood and guts and kidneys (and other organs) with a treassure chest on top and on that a red velvet pillow upon which laid a white silk finely woven cloth. And on that laid the Ring.

Aragorn knew that he had to use his Destiny to get the Ring but it would make a big mess if he wasn't careful enough. Arwen inhaled firmly and wondered if Aragorn could pull it off. Boromir stood ready with his weapon in his hand . Aragorn concentrated firmly and then carefully but powerfully unleashed his Destiny.

It worked! The protections around the Ring fell away like wood to a woodpeaker. It was amazing how Aragorn's use of Destiny was effective against Sauron's unstoppable powers.
Unfortunately for our plunky gang, it wasn't enough

"GRRRRRrr" whispered a creapy voice. Everyone slowly spun around to face the entrance of the hall where the voice came from.
It was Sauron! And he looked even less humane as before. He had used the power of the Ring to transform into a horrific mistake of a being.
"Ha! Are you surprised by my new looks?" He said. "It is amazing! The powers I have now are beyond your comprehension!"
"My comprehension is really good," retorted Aragorn and Aragorn's friends looked proud.
"Hahaha of course yours is. But are you able to comprehend the future of this world? I bet you aren't that smart after all. I will rule the world now, you see and there is nothing you can do to stop me!"
"But," said Sauron with a lower tone, "even though you are not as smart as I am, you are surprisingly capable so I wish to make this offer: join me and we can rule this world together!"
"NO!" said Aragorn!
"Think about it, Aragorn, you can now still save your friends! Make them stop mutate ebefore I release my powers!"
Aragorn was now tembling. He wanted to keep Arwen, Umad von Urist, Galadriel and Boromir alive but he could not get Sauron get away with it! But then he remembered: Sauron no longer had the Ring! He was powerless!
But as if Sauron could read his mind, Sauron spoke: "Oh and your scheme to steal the Ring? I no longer need it! I have gained all the power from it that I need in order to mutate everyone in the whole world! But not that you even considered going against me, I will destroy you. Such a shame, we could be such good...friends."
"Aragorn would never be friends with you!" said Galadriel

"It is too late now anyway, said Sauron, my plan is active now and I will give you the best place to enjoy it: from your prison cell!"
Sauron laughed and said to his guards: "lead them to my dungeon where you will suffer for all eternity in agony .

But Aragorn had not forgotten his Destiny. With the stealth and might that he learned from his previous adventures, he ran and unleashed the Destiny.
Sauron had not expected that. He thought he had trapped Aragorn and his friends and managed to demoralise them so much they would not resist.
"Argh!" Sauron said. His guards did not know what to do. Their leader was too weak against this onslaught. What could they do against that sort of might? So they all fled!
"Argh, noooo!" Sauron extarpated, "I was soo close to ultimate power!"
Inspired by Aragorn succesfully attack Sauron, Galadriel and Umad von Urist also attacked Sauron!

"Arigh, no, noooo!"
"I will unleash my final power!" Sauron said and raised his arms to the sky and started hissing an evil spell.
But Aragorn was too quick. He ran towards Sauron and hit Sauron in the tummy. He was knocked out instantly. Everyone was happy and everyone was cheering for Aragorn who had avoided the apocalypse! And now they all went home and wait until their next adventure!