Authors Note: I decided that my other story, Tales of A Broken Heart, is really bad and really inaccurate based on what JK wrote...but I don't want to delete the whole story and I don't want to re-write it either. Bacause I'm really lazy. Deal with it. Anyway this one is just a sort of diary of James Potter in the seventh year. It has no real substance to it, it's just slightly amusing and I'm having fun writing it. Anyway it's about him trying to get Lily, and it has some witty reparte with the other marauders etc. I hope y'all enjoy it! If you don't, tell me so I can stop...I don't really know where I'm going with this anyway,
Septermber 1, 1979
Platform 9 3/4 and the Train back to school
So I just arrived at the platform with Sirius. My endlessly annoying parents are lecturing me on how they hope that this term I'll be better behaved than last year. As if. They haven't seen anything yet. This is my last year at Hogwarts, do they really think I'll be behaving myself? Think again, parents of mine.
"Now son, I want you to consider that position at the ministry. It's quite a good offer for someone fresh out of Hogwarts such as yourself. You'd be fortunate to have a job like that. You should be very grateful. Now try to behave and you'll get the job."
That was dad, predictably. He's always trying to get me to think of the future. Rather annoying that. I mean, it's a tempting offer and all, but I don't really want to work. Sirius and I are going to live off of his uncle's money forever and never work. Ever. That's the plan at any rate. Besides, who wants to sit behind a desk all day and push paper around?
I tried telling dad that once but he got quite irritated. Apparently he thought I was insulting his career choice. I tried to explain that just because he did it didn't mean everyone wanted to, and that what was right for him might not be right for everyone, but he didn't seem to understand. Well actually, now I think of it maybe that's what mum said afterwards to calm him down. Anyway he's always wanted me to think of the future. Personally I'm more of an in the moment kind of guy.
Anyway mum is now forcing kisses and sandwiches on me. Quite embarassing that. I'm 17 years old, for goodness sake. I think I can be trusted to buy candy without my mum's interfearance. Honestly, sandwiches. That's all well and good when you're eleven, but when you're seventeen? Actually I didn't like it when I was eleven either.
Sirius has just spotted Moony and Wormy, so I can make my escape from mum now. Ha! No such luck for Pads. She's got him now, slobbering all over him. I wonder if I have lipstick marks on my face too? I should ask. Mental note to self. She's given him sandwiches, poor bloke. Oh wait, she gave me sandwiches too...I hope she didn't make them herself. They're not bad when the house elves make them, but put mum in a kitchen and you might as well...I dunno light the house on fire and have over with it.
Sirius has finally escaped. I notice dad didn't give him a future lecture. Figures. He definately likes Sirius better than me. Ever since he's come to live with us he's taken my place as the favorite child. Not that I really ever earned that position, being an only child.
"Moony! Wormy!" I called, catching up to Moony and Wormtail, my other two best friends and the missing members of the marauders. Moony is Remus's nickname. It's because he's a werewolf. Get it? Because the moon? And then there's Wormy, which is short for Wormtail. Wormtail is Peter. He's an animargus like Sirius and me, he turns into a rat. Hence the name Wormtail. Because rats have wormtails...it all makes sense. They seemed brilliant at the time. Although I do think Peter wishes he could have a different nickname. I'm Prongs, because I turn into a stag. And Sirius is padfoot, because he turns into a dog. Sirius and I have to turn into large animals in order to supervise Moony, as he is a werewolf and all. We can't have him eating anyone or something of the sort.
"Prongs!" Moony called back, joining us in front of the train and helping me to boost my trunk into the nearest compartment.
"Good summer?" I asked conversationally. It was not really necessary as I had seen him the week before. Perhaps Moony does not understand the subtle social graces that come with being a Potter, as he gave me a funny look. Anyway, that's not important.
"Padfoot!" Moony said, helping Sirius with his trunk and then lifting his own. Peter was still lumbering over. He is rather clumsy and not very coordinated, unlike me. I'm a chaser on the Gryffindor quiddich team. The best team in school, in fact. I happen to be rather brilliant, making me very coordinated and not at all clumsy. Peter, however, is still dragging his trunk and alternately cursing whenever he drops it on his feet. Literally spewing out curses. Fortunately it's not doing anything as he isn't holding his wands, but honestly, if he were to touch it, it would be lights out for someone.
"Petrificus totalus" muttered Peter exasperatedly as he dropped the trunk again. Perhaps I should help him. That would be the chivalrous and kind thing to do. But Remus is already going over there so I suppose the next best thing for me to do it to go and sit down, which is a much more comfortable thing to do anyway.
Ow! Curses, I just stubbed my toe going into the compartment. That really hurt. Now Sirius is laughing at me. He is not very empathetic. He has no compassion. Perhaps I should tell him that.
"Padfoot, you have no compassion," I said as I flopped down onto the seat with the upmost grace. Is it utmost or upmost? I never really understood that. What does that even mean? Well it doesn't matter, it was very gracefully.
"I do so have compassion," Sirius contested. He is lying, of course. He just proved he has no compassion by laughing at my pain. So there!
"You do not. For example, if you saw someone trip and fall, what would you do?" I demanded, knowing that I would catch him.
"Laugh of course. You would too." Sirius tells me. Well of course I would. That isn't the point. Sirius does not understand anything. Just because I would laugh doesn't mean I should. He is such a copycat. It's because I'm much cooler. Everyone wants to be just like me. Who can really blame them though? Honestly, I am that cool. Sirius has never admitted it before though.
"So you admit it, finally?" I ask him, ready to claim victory.
"Admit that I would laugh at another human's pain? Of course." Sirius tells me puzzled. What is he talking about?
"What are you talking about?" I demanded.
"What are you talking about?" replied Sirius.
"I was talking about your admission to my supreme coolness." I tell him, not understanding what it is he is going on about.
"I never admitted your supreme coolness. That wouldn't make any sense, seeing as I am most definately cooler." Sirius says. This is most definately not true. He just said I was cooler. You heard him. He said it!
He is pretty cool though. He would have to be, why else would he be a marauder? Well, Peter isn't cool. But Sirius is cool. Ask any girl in Hogwarts and she'll tell you. He is cool. Apparently it's the hair. At least that's what I've heard. I personally feel that it is too floppy in your eye-y. It needs to be more ruffled like mine, as I have told him on several occasions, but he does not understand.
"You don't understand hair" I tell him, bringing up the age old debate.
"You are so random!" Sirius declares, sounding, if I didn't know any better, exasperated. But that's not possible. Who could be exasperated with me? Well, Lily Evans can be quite easily, but I don't want to think of her. But how can I help it? I've tried to stop, I'm just not good at it. She's so...smart, and her hair is perfect. She should give Sirius lessons. It's so red, and perfect. And her eyes are so...green. Why is it that everything leads back to her?
"Why does it all lead back to their greenness?" I ask Sirius, entranced with my vision of Lily's eyes. At this point Moony and Wormtail have arrived and they do not understand what I am talking about. Yet.
"That's it, you're banished to a corner to reflect on the conversation we just had," Sirius tells me. So now I'm just sitting here. Oh! Now I understand why he is so irritated! Ha! It's the sandwiches, isn't it?
"Sirius, I've just realized, it's the sandwiches, isn't it?" Sirius didn't even answer me! How rude! He's playing exploding snap with Moony. Wormy is looking on and gasping with delight every time someone wins a hand and shrieking every time something explodes. He is so annoying, honestly.
So I just kept reading and now I really know why he's annoyed. If you couldn't see what I was thinking than that conversation wouldn't have made any sense from the receiving end, would it? I don't suppose so. I just expect everyone to be as sharp and quick witted as me. My brilliance is really a curse. But I suppose it is a burden I must bear, and bear alone. And my hair is better. And I am cooler. But I guess he didn't technically admit it, did he? Oh, no, right there! He definately said it! Oh, never mind, that was me.
So I suppose for a little background, as I am still banished to the corner. I would have started talking again, but Pads put a silencing charm on me. That's why he didn't reply before, I've just realized. So I could talk out loud right now and confess all my secrets and no one would hear a word. What a brilliant idea.
Well before I do that I will tell you why I have this journal at all. I am a manly man, and in no way a girly man. I do not keep a diary. This is all a part of my dad's big 'future' plan. He seems to think that if I can write things down it will help me to remember them and thereby become more responsible. Or something along those lines. I wasn't really paying attention.
So about me? All you really need to know is that I am the coolest, smartest, best quiddich playing 17 year old at Hogwarts. That and I am madly in love with Lily Evans. I just made up a song right here. I think I'll sing it, as no one can hear me. I do not have the best singing voice and prefer to reserve my singing sessions for showers, but this, I suppose, is a special occasion.
Lily Evans is the best
She has green eyes and a very large chest
She is very pretty and very smart
Seeing her makes me giddy
I wish she would give me her heart
She gets good marks she's a teacher's pet
I don't think she farts and someday I will...get
She's not nice to me because she hates me and thinks I'm an arrogant prat, or so she says (that line didn't really rhyme but it needed to be there)
But her favorite muggle candy is pez
She's good at charms and potions too
She makes you feel just like a foooooo(L)
I was just in the middle of singing this song for the fifth time, it had gotten stuck in my head and was really quite catchy. Besides, I had nothing else to do but sing. So I was in the middle of this song for the fifth time when Lily walked in. She is known to be a bit of a goody goody, and putting the silencing charm on me was, strictly peaking, against Hogwarts rules. So as soon as she walked in Sirius took the charm off me. He failed to warn me, however, so I continued singing at the top of my voice.
You know, it was a brilliant song, as you saw for yourself. I do not understand why they all covered their ears. I think that perhaps one day I will become a music star. I doubt my dad would approve, but at least I now have a plan for the future. Thanks to this book too. Wow, dad was right about something! That's a first. Anyway I finally realized that everyone could hear what I was saying because I opened my eyes, yes I sing with my eyes closed, it's hot, don't lie, and saw that Lily was bright red and there seemed to be steam coming out of her ears. Maybe that was my extremely poetic genius and wonderful imagination creating that illusion though.
"Hiya Evans, good summer?" I said quite suavely. I don't think that that made her any happier. Oh well. She just turned around and left. I wonder why she came in here anyway? "What?" I asked Moony and Padfoot, shrugging. They are giving me looks that quite plainly say 'you're incorrigible.' Oh no, never mind, that wasn't their looks that was Moony. I don't even know what that means, so how could a look say that? Exactly, it couldn't. Looks can't talk. Now neither can I, as I shared this tidbit with Sirius, which seemed to push him over the edge.
He is now ranting at me, which is very unfair as I don't even have the advantage of being able to respond. So instead I started employing a technique which I have always wanted to use on my dad. That's right, I plugged my fingers in my ears and started dancing around the compartment chanting 'I can't hear you!' I could, of course, as plugging your ears is not very effective and I couldn't hear myself, but I think he got the message. He has now started to run his hands through his hair and scream with frustration. Moony is growing aggitated as well. Ha! They can't do anything to me!
Wrong, James, wrong. I am now locked out of the compartment. And I can't talk. I've given up knocking on the door, because they are not going to let me in. You know, this is very dangerous. Serve them right if I fall under the wheels of the train and die because I can't call for help. What do I do now? I have nowhere to go and nothing to do. And I can't talk. So It's not as if I can go and hex Slytherins either, seeing as I can't talk. Drat it all.
What if I were to be attacked by some Slytherin bent on getting revenge for all the times I have attacked them in the past? What then? I die, that's what then. And then Sirius and Moony and Wormy regret having incapacitated me. That's what then. Ha! Maybe I'll become a ghost and haunt them forever. Or better yet, I could float through Evans's wall and watch her changing. She would be so mad, but she wouldn't be able to do anything since I would be a ghost! Ha, what would I do with out my best friends to kill me? I would live, that's what I would do.
So now I am wandering the corridors aimlessly, waiting for my friends to take pity on me and release me from this spell. As luck would have it I ran into Evans. Most people would say 'oh no, this is the last person I wanted to see' but not so for me. I always want to see Evans, no matter what the circumstances. So therefore I do not care that this is a particularly humiliating instance, instead I do what any normal person would do and check my hair. She rolls her eyes at me and is about to pass by, it looks as if she is heading for the bathroom, when I, in my sheer brilliance, start gesticulating wildly and mouthing at her.
She looks puzzled, so I point to my mouth and start screaming. Obviously no sound comes out. Catching on, my Lily is so clever, she takes out her wand and removes the charm. I continue screaming. You now, in my defense, it is really hard to tell when a silencing charm has been taken off of you. I mean, apart from the increase in sound, how are you supposed to know?
"Potter, shut up! Bloody hell, you'll break my ears!" so articulate, my lovely Lily.
"Sorry about that Evans," I say in my lovely, charming, deep and melancholy voice. Actually it's not all that melancholy. I don't have much to be sad about. Apart from the future and my friends being prats and Lily's unrequitted love for me and all that. That's mostly it. I fix my hair again.
"Oh stop messing with your hair Potter. You are such an arrogant prat." Lily tells me.
"But wouldn't the fact that I feel the need to fix my hair imply that I am self concious and therefore not arrogant?" I ask cleverly. I am soooo brilliant. It really stuns me sometimes. Like honestly, I don't know how I do it. I am just brilliant. It's incredible. If I weren't me, I would want to be me. Lily huffs, obviously not knowing what to say. But her eyes are so pretty.
"You think you're so clever, don't you?" she asks me. See that? She knows me so well! She can read my mind, that is quite obviously a sign that we are made for each other.
"Well yes, as a matter of fact." I tell her. I am clever, nothing wrong with that.
"There, you see? You just admitted your arrogance right there." Lily says to me, putting her hands on her hips. No I did not! That is most definately not true! Well, maybe I implied it...but only a little!
"One would think that you of all people would respect cleverness, being so clever yourself." I tell her.
"Yes, I heard in your song about how clever I am, thank you," Lily tells me. Ha! She's funny. Oh, I suppose that was an insult, wasn't it? Mmm. Well, I could either pretend to be insulted and probably make her feel good or just grin stupidly and irritate her more. I opt for the second, infuriating her and making her cheeks go red. She's almost as pretty as I am handsome. We would be such a good looking couple if she would just go out with me. It's a shame really. Quite a waste really.
"Evans, how about you go out with me this year?" I asked her, unable to contain myself.
"Potter, I have half a mind to put that silencing charm back on you this very instant. I would, if it weren't for the fact that it's against the rules and, being that I'm head girl this year," she definately put emphasis on the head girl part of that sentence, "I can't break the rules," she told me.
"Don't be silly, Evans. That's not the reason you can't break the rules," I told her, quite reasonably I might add. She's never broken rules before, and she's not always been head girl. Then something struck me. I smiled inwardly, knowing that this would make her even more mad. I wouldn't tell her just yet though, as that would spoil all my fun.
"What are you going on about, Potter?" Lily demanded.
"Well, the reason that you don't put the silencing charm back on me is quite obviously not that you're head girl," I told her.
"Are you implying that I'm not capable of putting a silencing charm on you, Potter?" demanded Lily.
"Gracious no!" I said hastily. Lily is the best in the year in charms. She is almost as good at charms as I am at transfiguration. "it's just that you wouldn't put it on me even if you weren't head girl," I tell her again.
"What are you talking about? Do you honestly think that I wouldn't love to silence you for the rest of your life?" Lily asked me. That was really quite rude, but she's angry now and she has this glint in her eyes which I find ever so appealing. She's so clever and...and perfect mostly. She's as perfect as I am, nearly.
"Of course you don't. I was merely saying that you never break rules, and you never have before, so you being head girl isn't what's stopping you from charming me," actually she already had charmed me. Ha! Get it? It was a pun. I really am quite clever. "it was your inability to break rules that was stopping you," I finished.
"My-my inability, did you say?" Lily asked, spluttering. She really was quite angry now. "You know nothing about me, or what I am capable of, Potter. So kindly refrain from telling me what I am and am not able to do!" she said. Oh, I think I understand what she's saying. Perhaps that makes sense. But I really meant it as a good thing. Perhaps it's time to reveal my secret and make her even more angry? Yes. It is.
"Anyway," I said, hastily avoiding what could escalate to one of her yelling fits. I've never really seen her yell at anyone else the way she does me. Well, maybe Sirius. I don't think quite as loud as to me though. One might argue that she has special feelings and emotions which she reserves for me and me alone. How nice. She really does love me! "Where is the head compartment?" I asked her.
"Why would you want to know that, Potter?" she demanded, her eyes narrowing.
"Idle curiosity?" I suggest mildly.
"Potter, if you're thinking of stalking me again like you did that time in the fourth year, it is not amusing. Don't think I found it flattering or entertaining that you changed all your classes so that you could follow m around and sit behind me all year." Lily warned me angrily. That was rather clever of me though. And she's wrong, that was in the third year. As soon as I found out from an inside source (her best friend, Marlene) what classes she was taking (we get to sign up for new classes at the end of second year) I signed up for all the same ones. Then in the third year I followed her around. It really wasn't that bad. I wasn't "stalking" her. Not any more than I have been since, as we obviously still take all the same classes.
Only I switched to arithmancy from divination. That was a lousy class. Don't get me wrong, I would have loved any opportunity to share my dreams with Lily, but the one time I tried she got a bit angry with me. I think it may have been because she was prominently featured in the dream... Anyway, that was not the reason I wanted to know where the head compartment was. So I told her that.
"Then why, Potter, do you want to know?" Lily asked me, her eyes barely slits.
"Because, Evans, I happen to be the head boy." I told her. It's true! My father was so proud of me when he found out, gross. I mean, obviously I am the perfect choice for the head boy. I'm smart, attractive, a perfect role model for younger students, basically just an all around great guy. She went all pale and stuff when I told her. She's probably about to faint from excitement. I mean, what girl, upon finding out that I, James Potter, was to be co head with her, would not want to faint for joy?
