The humor story contest entries from the Oh Porings! forum that I was too lazy to post on ffnet and forgot about. They're all short. Somehow mine won, but only by one vote. I suck at humor though...
Untitled Humor Story
By Tela
"You wanna know my life story?"
"Yeah, I'm supposed to find an old person and interview them about their life." "WHAT! I'm not that old!" "…you're 95 years old." "…you're a little punk, you know that?" "Yeah, people tell me that a lot." "Well fine then, what's the first question?" "How and why did you become a priestess?" "It was destiny! The Gods determined my fate to be greatness and full of passionate—" "Gawd, you're so weird." "Shush you punk. Fiiiiine, I'll tell you the real thing. It started in Geffen after I left home…"
She really had no idea about what she wanted to be. She knew she wanted to venture out and make a life, and perhaps a name for herself. She knew she wanted an adventure and it began that very morning. The day was bright and sunny, perfect for adventuring. She left the gates of Geffen, armed with a knife and a lot of faith on her side. The amber eyed novice hacked her way through the vicious Fabre on the Geffen Bridge, happily gaining valuable experience.
She slowed down to a halt as she came upon a large butterfly. It was so pretty, but being the smart girl she was, she sliced at it. She immediately regretted it when the butterfly attacked her. "AHHH! Omigodomigod!" she squealed as she ran as fast as her legs could carry her. When she finally got away, she stopped to rest under the shade of a large tree. "Note to self, do not attack the butterflies."
"Hey!" She heard a male voice say. Looking up, she saw a party of four boys about her age. The mage was the one that called to her and he led the others, a swordsman, an archer, and another mage. They joined her under the tree, obviously taking a break themselves. "Hey, what's your name?" the first mage asked. He sure was friendly, she thought. Personally, she thought with his long hair and the typical mage uniform that he looked like a girl.
"Um, Aletta. What's yours?"
"I'm Dacosta," the mage answered and then pointed to the three boys with him. "The swordsman is Jake, the archer is Bryan—"
"And I'm Terrance, the best mage in the business and the most handsome to boot. Wanna marry me, sweet cheeks?" the third boy interrupted and flashed her an arrogant smirk. The other three boys simply rolled their eyes. Now this Terrance really looked like a girl. Soft feminine features and all.
"Huh…I thought you were a girl."
The next sound was that of an ego shattering into a thousand pieces. Aletta was rather good at bringing people's heads down from the clouds.
She smiled anyway and offered to share her lunch with them. They gladly accepted and told her about their travels so far. The four of them had just changed into their first jobs and were eager to become stronger and advance. Aletta wanted the same thing so of course she got along with the boys very well.
As they talked, the subject of her job came into question. They asked what she wanted to be and she honestly had no idea! They laughed and said it was okay, but she should come with them. They could certainly help her out.
"You know, we could use a healer in the group," Bryan commented as he finished his sandwich. The other two nodded in agreement. Terrance snorted.
"Hmm…that might be fun!" she grinned. "I just need to figure out where to go…" She wouldn't mind being an acolyte, but she didn't know the first thing about them. Dacosta assured her that it was simple and that he could show her where she needed to go and what she needed to do. He also mentioned that she had to go to Prontera, where the church was, of course. After lun—
"Wait, wait, wait…that was how you decided to become an acolyte? Someone chose for you?"
"You got a problem with that?" "Eh, just keep talking you old bat." "OLD BAT! HOW DA—" "Come oooon already. I want to get this story before you kick the bucket." "You're just asking for trouble, you know?" "Yep. Come on! Continue!" "Ahem! After lunch…"
They five of them had decided to go back out and train for a while and would set out the next day for Prontera. Aletta was ecstatic. Her adventure was really beginning! Night came and left and they all woke up bright and early to set out. Well, all except Aletta. She really loved her sleep. After half an hour of prodding at the sleepy novice with fingers, sticks, and the occasional rock, she finally woke groggily.
At last, they made their way to the capital city. Unfortunately, being poor meant they had to take the long way and walk to Prontera rather than warp by Kafra. It didn't really matter though, they were in high spirits. By evening time, they could see the city gates of Prontera.
"This story is lame."
"…I wonder if your mom would care if I smashed your windpipe…" "…uhh…" "That's what I thought. Come back tomorrow if you can behave."
