Authors note: I've noticed majority of my fics are dark... They reflect the relationship I had with someone for 8yrs... We're no longer together so this fic kinda reflects where I am in my life. hope you enjoy :) Happier fics are to come ;) promise! Please read and review!
Italic= dream
It was nice seeing him today. Spotting him in the market was something I was hoping and dreading at the same time. As if these past few months hadn't been enough, sleepless nights, no refuge in the day, damn clouds, and shadows.
He was my guide when I was first appointed Suna liaison. He hasn't seen me yet as I hide behind this venders stand. He looks happy…..
My last visit was six months ago and lets just say it ended badly. My whole visit we planned a secret wedding and mapped out a future. He told me he loved me, promised not to complain about my lack of cooking skills, and pulled out a konoha citizenship form. I couldnt sign the papers, I couldn't leave Suna, my brothers, my life as a Kunoichi. I had a path of my own, goals for my future...
Now I'm hiding from the one man I've ever loved. Undoubtedly he's the only man that's ever loved the real me. Sure I've had others that have come close to seeing the real me, but it was for their own selfish gain. Get close to the kage's sister and marry into power. Men idiots really…
He's the only man to teach me things, like shoji, the true appreciation of cloud watching, and love can be tender and slow like a cloud passing in the breeze. He also learned from me, the value of hard work, women aren't that troublesome and how sweet nothings exchanged between lovers warm you from your core and inspire hope for a future.
He glides through the crowded market with ease. I've now moved to the shadows of a near alley. How ironic that I watch him from the shadows, the element he wields effortlessly.
Looking back at what has lead me back to Konoha it sends a chill down my spine. This whole thing started with a dream. I'm in my room, sun setting in the distance. Something takes control of my body, a feeling I've felt before, no will of my own. I begin to turn away from the window I was looking out of moments ago. A tall figure is four feet in front of me. They take a step forward and I fallow suet. Inches only remain between our bodies, I can see his face clearly. Dark brown eyes look down on me, pulling me in like a moth to a flame. His breath cascades over my lips. I hear myself tell him I love him. He begins to melt into the shadow that once held me and I'm alone in my room. I wake up tears streaming down my face. Gaara and Kankuro don't know nor will they ever. I'm the one that choose this path.
He looks over in the direction of the alley I have currently found refuge. My pulse quickens he doesn't see me or at least he doesn't make any indication that he's seen me.
He leaves the market. I resume my normal shopping. I see the other Konoha ninja I've become friends with over the years. We catch up on how our ranks have improved from measly chuunin. Few ask if I've met up with guide, knowing its Shikamaru. No one here knows his feelings for me.
This visit will be bitter sweet. Lady Hokage knows next visit I will no longer be the liaison. I postponed this visit four months just to prepare myself for seeing him. I know the effect his smile, smell, voice, hair and everything about him have on me, it's too much for my stone exterior to carry.
If I could go back and just be honest and tell him I loved him and just signed the papers my world would be different. But there are no time machines. The world is cruel. He'll move on and find a woman who isn't troublesome, cooks and cleans for him. I can never be any of those things.
I can only be hopeful that he'll find happiness, and someday I hope I can find it too.
