Coming Home to Heartache
Goddamit, Chris.
I didn't want to come home like this.
Right now, I wish I hadn't come home at all.
You're a fucking coward, Redfield. A fucking coward. I don't care if you thought I was dead, you took a coward's way out.
Claire was the one that found me. She was partners with some woman I'm not familiar with. When she found me and saved me, she wouldn't tell me where you were. Because she didn't want me to know you were dead.
Fucking coward.
I still cry every night. If you are in heaven and you can look down, know that you're the one making me cry. Jill Valentine crying. Over you. Over the dead man that I'll always love.
I colored my hair brown again. I know that's always been how you liked it, but it's not much use now, is it? I remember when I had to wear a wig for one of the infiltration missions we had. You hated it. I had to redo it after you messed it up during our, well, fun.
I'm back working with the BSAA. I'm taking every single case I get. It keeps my mind off of you and off of the pain I feel. I don't care how dangerous it is. At least if I die, it won't be from my own hand.
Oh God, I miss you.
You asked to be buried next to me. Well, next to where I would've been buried, had I died that night. So now, I'm sitting in front of your grave and mine.
Claire's got a new boyfriend. Of course, I don't know him that well. I don't talk to anyone anymore. I'm done with that. I've got a new partner. I get a different one every mission. No one can stand the heartless approach I have now. The fact I can't show empathy for other people. Someone breaks their leg, I'm not "Oh, are you okay? Are you getting better?" No. I'm "Oh. Sorry." That's the reason my first new partner requested a new one. I'm waiting for them to give up and assign me only solo missions. All the better. If I'm going to die, I'll do it fighting for the other people around me. I'll do it while protecting people.
I should go home. It's almost midnight and I'm sitting here and talking to a headstone. Your headstone. Because you fucking killed yourself.
Goddamit, Chris. I'm crying again.
Christopher f'ing Redfield, when I do leave this world... I hope there's an afterlife because when I die, I'm going to find you and rip you a new one. But when that's over, I'll kiss you harder than I ever have before. That's all I want to do right now. I want you to be alive and I want us to be home, in bed, making love to each other.
But that will never happen again.
Because you're dead.
Goddamit, Chris.
I love you.
