"I hate apples."

"Duly noted,"

"Why are you here?"

"Why, my darling Lily is that any way to greet your true love?"

"You're an idiot."

"A handsome, manly, intelligent idiot. Me and Sirius will have to add this scintillating detail to the Log."

"Sirius and I, Potter. Honestly, how did you get to be top of the, wait- the Log?"

"The Complete, Encyclopedia of Lily Evans."

"Very funny. Not even you are that- Merlin's testicles, it actually exists?"

"Your level of doubt astounds me, Lilykins. Could you help me lift it?"

"Potter!"

"Would it help if I said I completely agree with your opinion on apples?"

"You're eating an apple."

"It's a round pear."

"You're spewing chunks of your apple into my hair, Potter."

"Pear."

"I really hope you're kidding because-Oh for Merlin's sake Potter stop writing in that bloody thing!"

"It's not stupid. This is the product of years of research and experimentation."

"...research?"

"Precisely. Now since I'm here, would you mind divulging the color of your knickers?"