A/N: I simply wanted to say, thank you to all of you who reviewed the prequel to this, "Violet Flower" it was much appreciated and made me cry with joy. You can expect another story after this one, at most two. I don't know how I came up with all this in three days, but I'm on break so that must have to do with it :3 thank you all again so very very much hope you enjoy this one as much as the last. Love you all! :3
It's been four years since your passing, the time hasn't changed a thing, and I thought maybe it wouldn't be as hard after a couple years, but…I can't say anything has changed at all. I still love you, but now there's no way of telling you, so I'll write to you. I'll write to you and hope that you can see these letters that I keep in a bow on my desk. I write all these to remind myself and as a journal of sorts for Ianthe when she's older.
Ianthe, she's grown up so fast; I wish you were here to see her Yan. She's beautiful, she looks just like you. I kept my promise, I make sure to give her enough love for the both of us, although sometimes I think it's spoiling her a bit too much.
One day she asked me why she didn't have a mum like all the other boys and girls. My only response was to tell her that she didn't have a mom but another dad, from that point on she started calling you father.
After telling her, she had an abundance of questions. She would have a new one every day and I would supply an answer. She asked what you looked like and I showed her a picture of us together, she said "I have father's eyes." And she'd smile; she also shared that with you, her dazzling smile.
Tonight though I struggled to answer. It was difficult for two reasons, one being that she doesn't know about Torchwood, I know you would have wanted her to keep her innocence as long as possible, I couldn't very well tell her how we first meet was because Torchwood London was massacred and you came to our little Cardiff Torchwood. [By the way, we still haven't found Torchwood four.] But I did come up with certain regular version of that, how do you feel about being a barista? I can only suspect that you would be laughing right now, which only makes me miss that sound even more. The second reason though, was because I cry every time I even try and write it down for memories sake.
The follow up question she asked, of course, was when I first fell in love with you. To which I could only say "Ianthe, sweetie, I knew I loved your father the first time I met him." It was a lie though, I've already told you countless times when I first fell in love with you, and even you at first were clueless. You woke me up one night because I had been talking in my sleep about a Gallifrey coming back. It was then I told you all the horrible things that happened during the year that never was, and when I told you I loved you, because faced with the prospect of having to watch you die made me realize that I just couldn't live without you Yan, you're so different from anyone I have ever met and you made me feel alive when I was with you, I knew I had found my one and only love in you. I knew at that moment that I couldn't bear to live without you, of course, I am now, but I have Ianthe.
You should know that the team isn't quite the same either, that's the one place I can't take Ianthe, although she knows everyone. She calls Owen and Rhys her uncles and Tosh and Gwen her aunties, they look after her sometimes. They even say she acts a bit like you. I'd have to disagree though, although certain aspects of Ianthe are so similar to you she is after all her own unique self, and so were you. You still are.
On a slightly disturbing note, the Doctor has gotten himself hitched, can you believe it? He and River tied that knot about…well, I'm not sure what time period, universe, or alternate reality they got married in, I just know both of them seem pleased. Although nothings really changed between them, River has to be the strangest time lady to ever live. This makes sense why she was destined to be with the Doctor from the start.
It's getting late now, everyone's gone home and I'm pretty sure Ianthe is getting tired of Rhys babysitting her. I just have one last thing to say.
A few days ago I got a paper cut.
It didn't heal.
I'm looking at the Band-Aid now, wondering how this miracle came to be, either way, I'm happy yet sad at the same time. I'm worried because now I have Ianthe to look after, but now at least I have hope, hope that I will see you one day. I cried for the first time in front of our daughter, she asked me why and I told her it was because I had to wait a long time before I could see you again, and that you were all alone right now. She looked at me and said, "Daddy, don't be silly, Years here are only hours in heaven." Sometimes I feel like she's wiser than me.
I think that's all I have to say for now, I miss you and I hope to see you soon.
Yours forever,
Jack
