Author's Note; Yes, this is a short story I've been working on that's going to be uploaded in two installments. This, is the first one and the second one will come this weekend when I update Monsters Inside me and Help Me.
First of all, this is a story where I actually intended to be only one installment, but I couldn't just kill Naruto off in the first try D: Hell, I'm having a hard time with this one at all! And I know there's going to be questions on what the short story was that he wrote, and what will be in the suicide letter that he wrote as well, and they will all be revealed in the next installment where it will be almost triple the length of this one itself.
I'm not making a pairing in this, there won't be anything but the main event of this story; Naruto dying (yes I know, sad and I'm even going to cry because I can't believe I'm doing this to him myself!) But, this is an attempt to write a short story tragedy with angst that I want to publish in the near and possible future along with Help Me and possibly My Life as a Roller Coaster with another name.
And, to add to my note, this is a major AU and the only reason why Minato has no family is because his family is known as a military family and a lot of his family died in wars, though his parents died in a car crash and he never knew anyone else from his side of the family. There might be other Namikaze, but neither Naruto or Minato know any that might exist.
Okay, I think I'm going to make this the end of my author's note, the installment 1 is 6,987 words long without the authors' note. And I hope everyone enjoys, though they know it'll be a very sad ending. I know I'm going to cry when this is over :( I'll see you all next week with the end!
The Slow Road to Insanity
I glanced down at the mess in front of me. Hell, I've been pretty messy when it comes to my art work nowadays. To be honest, I loved the feel of paint on my skin when I worked, which is why I have every inch of the floor in my studio covered with tarps and painters' floor covers so I wouldn't ruin the hard wood floor underneath that cost a lot to put in since I refused to let my studio stay with bright pink carpets.
Either way, Dad said he'd pay for every bit of renovation that I needed on my apartment if I only give him a call before hand and before I changed my mind and if I didn't flunk any of my classes I was taking at Konoha University that I worked so hard to get in for the writing department and the Art department. And thinking about my homework, I hadn't started on it yet and I had ten pages or more to write double spaced for Kurenai-sensei on a short story that was due tomorrow morning. It honestly could be as long as we wanted, but she wanted it to be no fewer on 1,000 words and no more than 5,000 words or she'd simply only give half credit because she had possibly a hundred or so students all together for class and she couldn't spent a whole lot of time reading and grading everyone's work. It'd simply be too much for her.
When I looked at the alarm clock on the wall from where I sat on the floor in front of my recent painting for my Art class, the clock read three in the morning. Well, another night without sleep, I thought. It was normal for me not to sleep anymore, honestly. Mostly because I could do nothing but lay on my bed tossing and turning, memories that I want to forget for the rest of my life repeating in my dreams if I fell too deep into sleep, memories that just don't know how to go away. I guess you could say that I'm letting the past get to me.
Sighing heavily, I stood up and gazed over my painting; the picture of a pale figure dressed in fine linens from the early twentieth century sitting on a red velvet couch reading a book from Shakespeare. His onyx hair flowing past his shoulders in a natural wave that accented his pale skin marvelously and suited him well even though it was his natural hair color. His onyx eyes that were dark, just like his hair, focused on the book in hand, peering through a pair of glasses that complemented him well also. The man that tormented me for years, and I still drew him like he was standing next to me, like the good old days when I would ask him to be my subject for art class whenever we had to do portraits of others, mostly because I couldn't draw anyone else as perfectly as I could draw him.
I was about to turn and leave my studio when my cell phone in my pocket started ringing loudly, and I cursed with a hoarse voice from not talking for a long time. Hell, I hadn't had a decent conversation with anyone since that incident nine years ago.
"Hello? Naruto speaking." I said into the phone with a cracked voice as I sat back down on the floor where I was, wishing I had something to smoke since I ran out yesterday and didn't bother getting any more this morning when I went out.
"Hey, it's just Sakura, I was just getting home from work and was wondering what you're doing tomorrow after classes." My one and only friend asked loudly into her phone. I guess her shift at the hospital was over.
"I don't know, work on my homework?" I said almost in an annoyed tone because I wanted nothing to do with her right now.
"Naruto, you do nothing but work yourself to death. To be bluntly honest, I was calling to see if you were still awake, but seeing as you've answered, you're not in bed like you're supposed to be." She sighed into the phone, and I knew she was telling the truth now.
"I just can't sleep, and I had homework in Art to finish up, now I have that paper for Kurenai-sensei that's due in the morning that I still have yet to even start." I told her, no use lying to her about anything now.
"Naruto, I'm coming over, okay?" Sakura said after a few minutes of silence, and now I was curing heavily inside my head.
"Don't, you should go home and get some sleep Sakura." I whined into the phone.
"Naruto, you need sleep, when was the last time you slept decently?" She asked.
"I don't even remember, but I have been getting some sleep here and there." I said, not knowing if I was lying or not.
"Well, either way, I'm coming over." She said.
"Fine, and if you're coming over, get me some smokes, Camel Filters and Camel Wides, I'll give you the money when you get here." I told her as I crossed my arms in front of my chest.
"You need to stop smoking too."
"Then don't come over." I said, and her frustrated sigh let me know she gave in to my demand, because this happened last time; no smokes, no access to my apartment.
"Fine, I'll be there in ten minutes."
"I'll be in the shower, the door will be unlocked." I sighed heavily and the two of us ended the phone call as I stood up and took in one last look at the painting before I put my phone back in my pocket.
Sighing once again, I turned to leave my studio, taking off the sandals that I wore solely in the studio so I couldn't track paint anywhere else in the apartment, I dragged myself to the bathroom and turned the shower on so I could clean myself up to get started on my writing assignment. Honestly, I hadn't even thought about what I should even do for it. The instructor simply stated that we should check out this website and sign up for the thirty days of inspiration thing. I've already done that and downloaded the small ebook, but to be bluntly honest, none of the inspirations caught my attention. So that's my excuse for not having started the project in the first place. But I knew that I'd simply get an ear full if I showed up to class with nothing once again since coming up empty handed has now become a new issue for me because I'm so engrossed in my art that I haven't had any inspiration for writing, and it's been two weeks already.
As I waited for the water in my shower, I stared at myself in the mirror, only to see the reflection of someone that I didn't recognize and didn't want to know.
He had messy blonde hair that hadn't been washed in two days since he didn't have classes on Saturday, Sunday and Wednesday. He had massive black circles under his eyes that he'd have to hide away with more make up that made him look horrible to begin with, but he was content with hiding the tired look in his skin so he didn't have people asking him questions every minute of the day to see if he was truly alright. His blue eyes were dull, almost lifeless as he let the world around him crush him to the point that he just didn't care anymore and the deep but slightly visible scars on his right cheek that spread from his chin to his temple were a reminder of someone from his past that wanted to make sure he'd be able to remember him.
As I brought my fingers to those very scars, tracing the tips of my fingers lightly over them, images of that dark haired man flashed in front of my eyes and all I wanted to do was cry.
It had been what, nine years since the man had been in his life and hasn't dared to show his face again after leaving him for dead in the streets of Konoha because the man suddenly thought I was too much of a burden and a waste of space?
It took a moment to realize that I had started crying and punched the mirror hard enough to crack before I tore my paint stained sweats off and got into the shower. Now was not the time to think about the bastard when I had a paper to write. But then it dawned on me what I'd do for the project when I then realized the reason I couldn't write normally anymore; I'll write about him, then maybe I can get him off my shoulders, out of my mind, and out of my life hopefully for good. I just hoped that our instructor didn't ask too many questions about the paper when she graded it. But I'd have to make some moderate changes to the two main characters; me, and him. But most of the physical appearances would say somewhat the same, like our hair styles and such.
So when I got the idea plotted in my mind, I hurried in my shower, being careful to wash the used to be dried pain off my stomach, arms and out of my hair because I have the tendency to comb fingers through my hair when I'm thinking, even if I did have paint all over my hands.
It took an hour for me to completely rid my physical appearance of any sign of paint before I was satisfied with the results before getting out of the shower, drying and getting dressed in a pair of black flannel night pants and a black tank top. Now, I'm sitting with Sakura on the couch with a sandwich and a steaming cup of green tea with the laptop on my lap, staring at the blank document as I thought of how I should even start this short story. I know the plot, but always starting got me confused because it has to be right or it's boring to read.
Of course, I've thought about what the teacher would say when she read it, probably would call my father to see if he knows anything about how I'm really doing and how I'm really living my life. But Minato, my father, has no idea about anything when it comes to me anymore except that I've excluded him from my life all together except for a call once in a while. But I know that she knows that I'm a total insomniac and I think she also knows that I cut myself on and off these past two years. Kurenai-sensei was really observant, hell, she was a retired detective that decided to become a creative writing instructor at Konoha's finest University.
At least I don't do drugs or alcohol. I knew better than to drag my life that low for hopes of being able to restart mine, but so far, that's only been a distant dream. I can't see myself living happy with someone else, somewhere else. And I decided to start the story there, glad that Sakura decided to be quiet for a moment since the two of us argued about me needing to stay up and finish my homework.
xxxxxxx
Morning came too quickly and I still had to print off my paper. I had taken the time to add my header so I wouldn't fail because Kurenai-sensei was all about making sure we all had headers correctly done when we turned in something for her. But it always took me forever to get it right even with Sakura helping me. Of course, I didn't get to sleep at all last night so when I got the paper done, I had an hour to get dressed, make up slathered on my face to cover the dark circles under my eyes and the scar on my cheek so no one would stare at me and get something to eat before I had to rush out of my door and to my car. I also decided to give Sakura a ride to school today since she didn't have work and she got done with her classes roughly when I got done with mine, but she insisted on driving instead of me, mostly because I couldn't get my eyes to focus correctly unless I threw cold water on my face.
"Naruto, I can't believe you didn't sleep like you told me you were going to. You know as well as I do that you could have slept after you got your paper for Kurenai-sensei done." Sakura sighed heavily from the drivers seat.
"Because you know as well as I do that soon I'll be crashing." I huffed as I pulled out my smokes and lit one as I cracked my window. Taking a deep inhale and exhaled my smoke, though I wished it went out the window instead of linger around me, so I put my window down further.
"And someone has to be there when you do or you'll be on the floor for hours." Sakura said, coughing lightly when some of the smoke made it her way before leaving out the window. "And don't smoke while I'm in the car with you please?"
"Sorry." I sighed and finished my smoke and threw its butt out the window and let my window stay down a little bit longer to let the lingering smoke escape.
"Naruto, are you still thinking about him?" Sakura asked a few minutes later, and I tensed as an answer. "I saw the painting you did for art class."
"But that doesn't mean I'm thinking about him."
"I also saw the cracked mirror in your bathroom this morning." She added, and I could no longer lie to her about it.
"Fine, I was thinking about him, so what of it?" I hissed. I was seriously getting tired of her interrogating me whenever she came over.
"You know that if you think of him, it won't help you forget what he did to you." Sakura said, though I know she was dead on right.
"I know that, damn it. I just … I can't stop thinking about him. And every time I do, I just wish everything would just end, because I'm useless and I can't do anything right." I wanted to yell, but instead, it came out as a choked mumble and I buried my face in my hands, mostly trying to hid the tears that were falling. "I lost him, I lost my Grandfather, my Mother, I can't lose anyone else."
"I … I didn't know that's how you've been feeling Naruto." Sakura said once the car stopped, and when I heard the engine turn off, that meant we were at the campus and I wanted to get out of the car before I made even more of a fuss, but she pulled me into a tight embrace and I could swear I heard her crying too.
"I know it's been hard for you Naruto, and it's been hard for me as well, but we need to try and move forward, leave him behind. He's never coming back and we should accept that. What would Kakashi think if he could see us now?" She said.
"Kakashi would make us forget him, but knowing me, I'd still remember but that's just how I am. I can't forget him Sakura, nor can I move on. It's just not possible. Every time I try, I get worse and worse and this cycle that can't seem to end for me needs to stop." I sobbed onto her shoulder.
"I know Naruto, I know." Sakura said in a hushing kind of voice. It was soft, and she knew it'd help me calm down, but this time it took forever for me to calm down and I broke our connection after a few minutes, wiping my face dry with my sleeve and got out of the car with my stuff and she tossed me my keys back as we went inside.
It didn't take me long to print off my homework in the library, but it took me forever to get to class mostly because I didn't want to go and turn my project in. I knew doing it like this would be the worst idea I've ever had, but Sakura was with me to make sure I went to class and pushed me along the corridor and pushed me into the classroom.
"See you for lunch Naruto." She smiled and waved as she went back down the way we came to the other side of the campus for her nursing classes.
"Well, hello there Naruto, nice of you to join us." Kurenai-sensei said as I stood in the doorway. I gulped hard before walking in and taking my usual seat in the back of the room. Looks like she already took attendance.
"Alright, now that everyone is here, lets turn in all of your writing assignments. Today we're going to work on a special writing topic that will require everyone to have partners. Now, on the board is your prompt and you're to write an essay from this and it's due by the end of the class." Kurenai-sensei said as she stepped to the side so everyone could read the board and it said;
"Okay, you find out your best friend is self harming themselves, in some way. Write a five hundred word essay on what this friend of yours could have been thinking and or feeling to make them harm themselves."
Great, now I really wanted to die. Who in the hell could I partner up with? And why in the hell is she making this the damn subject of the prompt? She must know I've done something in the past two weeks or else she wouldn't bring this up!
"Okay, I've already got everyone partnered up with someone." She said as she stepped back to her desk and picked up her planner, naming off everyone she put together as partners, and all I could hear, was not my name, until now. "And last but not least, Naruto Uzumaki and Gaara Sabaku."
Who the fuck is that?
"Now, either partner can move, but you have to be sitting together to get this done so lets go quickly, and while you're up, turn in your writing assignment from the weekend." Kurenai-sensei said a moment later.
I sighed heavily and got up out of my seat, going up to the front of the class and turned in my paper, making sure it was on the bottom so it'd be the last one from this class that she'd read and went back to my desk, only to find a red head sitting next to my chair. Oh, now I remember who Gaara is.
"Hey Naruto, long time no see." He said softly as I sat down next to him, sinking in my chair as I made sure not to make eye contact.
"Hi." Was all I said before I grabbed a pad of paper and my pen from my bag and proceeded to start writing.
"Is something wrong Naruto?" Gaara asked as he scooted his seat closer to me and pulled the pad of paper from my hands, this made me finally look at him and his teal eyes. Yes, Gaara had problems with insomniac too, but he was actually getting help with his problems, I on the other hand, ignored mine as long as I possibly could.
"I'm just tired." I said, forcing myself to look away and wish I wasn't here anymore.
"Did you get any sleep last night?" He asked, and he genuinely sounded worried.
"Yea, but it wasn't a lot." I lied, picking up my pad of paper again, only to have it taken from my hands once again and forced to look Gaara in the eye.
"Naruto, I'm an insomniac, I know if someone's slept or not, and I can see that you haven't slept in days. When was the last time you got sleep anyway, and tell me the truth." Gaara said, and I knew I couldn't lie to him.
"I haven't slept all week last week." I said, my gaze going back to the pad of paper, which only had simple words listed what a person could be feeling when they self harm.
"Then you should go home." Gaara said.
"But I can't Gaara, I have art class later." I sighed.
"I'll turn your work in, it's on my way to psychology." He offered, but I shook my head and pulled back.
"I'll get some sleep after my classes, I only have this and art today. Sakura's car is at my place so she has to take me home anyway." I shrugged.
"Are you sure Naruto?" Gaara asked, and I nodded.
"Yea, I'm sure, now we need to get working or Kurenai-sensei will make us read our work in front of the class." I said, my voice low as I grabbed my pad and started writing again a few more lines before handing it to him to write something off of what I did.
He sighed heavily before he finally gave up on trying to convince me to go home after this class. It's not like I could get myself to focus to drive anyway, which is making me wish that Sakura kept my keys with her so I wouldn't drive. But as I sat there, letting him write on our project, I suddenly wanted to get out of the room for a few minutes, so I stood up and went to Kurenai-sensei's desk, trying not to look like a sore loser as I went.
"Is there something I can do for you Naruto?" She asked when I got there.
"Um, mind if I step out for a few minutes? I'm getting a headache and my Aleve is in my car." I said, and I wasn't lying. I was getting a major headache, which, I realize, is why I wanted to leave the room to begin with.
"Sure, just don't take too long okay Naruto?" She nodded and I left the classroom as gracefully as I possibly could, but not without stumbling into the door before I could open it up.
I knew that a few people were watching me, it's not hard, I'm even used to it, but when I finally got the door opened, I left the classroom and used the wall to help me stay standing until I got to my car.
I know it's lack of water, sleep and food giving me this headache, and I'll fix that later when I go home with Sakura, but right now, I'm only half way to the fucking car and I gotta stop to get my vision clear enough to even see where I'm going.
"Naruto, do you need help?" Someone said behind me making me jump and trip over my feet, but surprisingly, I never met the ground, but someone's arms instead.
"Gaara?" I asked in a tired and pained voice.
"Yea, Kurenai-sensei wanted me to make sure you were alright since you … stumbled out of the classroom." He said.
"Oh …" Was all I said before I sighed heavily and he helped me sit down on a bench that was near by in the lounge area by the entrance.
"Give me your keys and I'll go get your Aleve for you." Gaara said a moment later when I knew I wouldn't fall over.
"It's in the console." I sighed heavily, handing him my keys in defeat when he out glared me in my own contest and I rested my head back on the cool bricks that made up the walls and I closed my eyes.
"I'll be right back." Gaara said, and I heard him walk away and heard the entrance door open. I'm glad that the lock is electric like most cars, because I forgot to tell him which car was mine. Oops.
And after a few minutes of waiting, I heard the entrance doors open again and I turned to see who it was, and it was Gaara, but he walked right past me and up to the vending area and bought a water bottle and also a pack of doughnuts before heading back over and sat down next to me. I could only blink up at him when he held out the doughnuts.
"You need to eat before you take Aleve." He said, and of course I knew that … but I was going to ignore it this once … again.
"But-" I started saying before I was cut off.
"Please?" He said, and I sighed before taking the doughnuts and ate them one at a time, a few bites each. Purposefully taking my time with them just to make him happy.
After I was done, he took the trash and handed me two Aleve and the bottle of water, already opened.
"How long have we been out of class?" I asked after I tossed the pills into my mouth and swallowed them down with the whole water bottle.
"About ten minutes at most." He shrugged.
"Then we need to go back." I sighed and slowly stood up. Hell, I feel better than I did a few minutes ago. I guess I just needed to eat and get some water in me.
"You sure you're going to be okay?" Gaara asked, and I nodded before the two of us went back to class after he threw the trash away.
When classes were finally over, I waited in my car for Sakura. She had another half hour before she was let out and I was going to use this time to get to work on my next writing assignment from Kurenai-sensei and get it started.
She now wants us to write what our suicide notes would be if we ever decided that we wanted to perish from this world … Fucking hell. It's like she's wanting to keep an eye on me and make sure I'm not trying to kill myself or something. But, either way, I have an idea for the assignment so I'm going to use this as an opportunity to get some practice in, and sadly, she wants it no less than 500 words and 1000 words for some reason.
By the time I'm done hand writing my assignment, the drivers' door suddenly flies open and Sakura plops into the seat next to me so fast I almost rip my assignment apart while I'm trying to put it away. She'll want answers, and she won't leave me alone until she gets them if she read a single word of it.
"How was your day Sakura?" I asked quickly, probably too quick for my own good.
"It was boring, but I'm ready to go take a nap to be honest." She sighed heavily as I handed her my keys and we drove back to my apartment. I honestly hope she'd leave to go back to hers across the complex where I lived, but I highly doubt it because she looks like she's tired.
"How was yours Naruto?" She asked, and I half wished she didn't.
"I flunked my art assignment. The bastard said it was nothing that he assigned in the first place when it was what everyone else fucking did. Kurenai-sensei has us writing depressing shit. Hell, during class she had us paired together and had us write a 500 word essay on how to know signs of others' self harming. And then for a homework assignment, she wants us to do a 500-1000 word letter of suicide." And I wished I stopped talking there.
"She did what?" Sakura almost yelled and slammed on the breaks in the middle of the road. Earning us honks from cars behind us that almost crashed because of the sudden stop.
"I know, but … you know Kurenai-sensei, she doesn't do this shit unless it's for a reason." I said, which was true. Kurenai-sensei did things like this if she wanted to know about others. It was just how she was.
"You're not kidding there." Sakura sighed heavily as she went back to driving and the whole ride was silent until she parked my car and we got out with her giving me my keys back.
"Mind if I take a nap here for a little bit?" Sakura asked a moment later when I reached back into the car to get my laptop bag.
"Sure." I said without thinking and mentally kicked myself as the two of us went up to my apartment after closing the car doors and locking it up.
I unlocked the apartment door and the two of us went inside and I went to my room to put my stuff away and Sakura camped out on my couch when she put her stuff by the door and took her shoes off.
After I made sure my laptop was safe, and the notebook wouldn't be found by putting it in my studio where I'll be locking myself in when I know she's asleep, I go back to my door and take my shoes off, leaving mine with hers before I throw myself into the arm chair, heaving a content sigh and close my eyes for a moment. The letter I wrote for my homework envisioned in my minds eye and I had to force my eyes open just to make it so I couldn't see or think about it anymore until tomorrow.
"Naruto, are you sure you're okay with that homework assignment Kurenai-sensei assigned your writing class?" Sakura asked after a few moments of silence, and here I thought she was asleep.
"I don't know … honestly." I shrugged, then got up and went to the coat closet where I kept spare blankets and pulled hers -a hot pink plush blanket- and covered her with it. "I'm gonna go take a nap, wake me when you get up okay?"
"Sure." She smiled.
"And to be honest, it's supposed to be from the eyes of one of the main characters we created for our last project." I told her, and she seemed to relax there. And what I told her was the truth, but since mine wasn't like what she assigned, it was my own death wish. I hope no one notices either. Last thing I need is someone to stop me.
"Alright, good night Naruto." Sakura smiled and she fell asleep before I could say the same back.
I smiled lightly before placing a kiss on her forehead and went to my paint studio and got to work on yet another depressing piece, but this time, it was of the Hokage mountain, and on the top of the painting, was the words of good bye.
xxxxxxx
When morning came, and once again it was another night of no sleep, Sakura had ended up sleeping here for the night and hasn't woken up unless she went to the bathroom. Usually, she would have gone home, but I guess she's worried about me, that's the only excuse she could have if I were to ask.
But I'm already long gone from the apartment, and she doesn't have class for another three hours, so I know she's going to sleep in and that will give me plenty of time to get my Writing class done. I dropped out of my art this morning, which is one of the reasons why I left early. I wasn't going to have the art teacher complain about my art work when it was what the assignment was and fail me for no reason. I even told the counselor this, and she wasn't happy about it at all.
So, right now, I'm sitting in Kurenai-sensei's class and it's almost over. Gaara is sitting with me again today for some reason. I guess he's also worried about me after what happened yesterday during class. But I'm not letting it bother me.
I turned my assignment in, and made sure it would be last to see like yesterday, and today we got our short story assignments back and mine was graded a perfect save for some grammatical errors, but on the side note, she said it was an excellent but sat story and to keep up the good work.
God, I hope this means she didn't understand what the hell I was talking about.
"Alright class, you can leave for the day." Kurenai-sensei said after fifteen more minutes of silence and I, of course, was the last one out as I usually am besides Gaara who was taking his time today for some reason. But I didn't stay behind to see anything because I went straight to my car and drove off towards the Hokage mountain.
When I got to Hokage Mountain, it was deserted, usually around this time of year, there were tourists taking pictures. But I guess the wind today is too much for everyone. It did leave you chilled to the bone, so I don't blame them for not being here today. And it's good, no witnesses to stop me.
I sighed when I parked the car and pulled my notebook out of my bag. Another note for other people to read … I guess it wouldn't hurt, right?
To whomever reads this,
I want you to tell my father, that he isn't to blame. I know, he blames himself a lot about what happened, but it's not his fault. It's all mine, I let him into my life and thought that he could change after his own family died by his brothers' hand. But it's my fault that he left, because he was right, I held him back from getting revenge on his brother.
Sasuke left, and I had no right to try and bring him back, he had every right to try and kill me that night before he left thinking I died or I hope so.
I also know it's my fault that mother died when she gave birth to me. Because, it's obvious, if I wasn't born, she would be here making my father happy.
If I wasn't born, my father wouldn't have had to quit being mayor of Konoha when Sasuke attempted to kill me.
If I wasn't born, no one would be hurt.
So, whomever reads this, tell my father to be happy … that's all I ever wanted.
Signed; Uzumaki, Naruto
I sighed when I was done and got out of the car with the long rope I brought with me and I let the note hang out a bit as I closed the door on it. I left the keys in the seat of the car with my cell phone. I won't need it where I'm going …
Looking up at the mountain again, I head off towards the trail that leads to the top and I make the long climb up. And I only pray to God that Sakura isn't up yet or that Kurenai-sensei hasn't read the letter for our assignment yet.
When I get to the top, it should be about half an hour since I got here, and Sakura should be in class now, father should be at work, Gaara should be in his psychology class if he has it today and I'm here, where I'm supposed to be; tying one end of the rope around a tree that's closest to the edge and I make sure it's taught before I make a noose with the other end.
I only know how to make a noose because my father taught me once when we went camping when I was a little boy. Middle school I think it was, during summer vacation before Sasuke tried to kill me …
Anyway, as I'm finishing up my noose and I got it around my neck, I hear rushing footsteps coming towards me and stopping a couple yards away from me from behind. I sighed heavily and turned to see that Dad is standing there with Sakura, Kurenai-sensei, Gaara , someone from the police force that I remember to be Ibiki, the same guy who had questioned me when Sasuke did what he did, and a blonde woman I've never seen before. I wonder who she is.
I didn't want to see him again, but I guess it couldn't be helped.
"Naruto, could you step away from the ledge, please?" Dad asked, and he looked like he was trying his damnedest to keep the tears from falling, but it wasn't working.
"You know why I can't …" I told him in a low voice, now fully facing the group that came to try and talk me out of this.
"Then please, tell me how I can help you." He begged, and my father never begs in his life.
"No one can help me … I've tried." I said, and that's when the blonde woman spoke up.
"I bet I can." The woman said. "My name is Tsunade, I'm not only a medical doctor, but I'm also a psychiatrist."
"I don't need a damn psychiatrist." I snapped. "I've had plenty of them tell me everything you'd tell me, I'm not stupid!"
"Naruto, she's my nursing teacher." Sakura said, and that's when I turned to glare at her.
"And you, you know exactly what I've been through, yet you bring all these people here to try and stop me!" I yelled. "You of all people, know how much pain I'm in, what pain I've been in since Sasuke left leaving me for fucking dead! Not only did he succeed in making my life miserable, he also made sure he took a part of me with him that I'll never have back!"
"You're not the only one he's hurt damn it! I tried to stop him from leaving me too you know!" Sakura bellowed at me with her own furry and tears, but I only kept glaring.
"He didn't try to kill you!" I yelled, now this time taking a step back to make them all shut up. I knew, personally, that I was only at least a yard away from the ledge. "I've put my father through enough pain as it is. Not only did I take away his life, but I took away the love of his life, his own wife! He's been alone all because of me."
"It wasn't your fault Naruto!" My father said, and by now he was choking on his words.
"Now I can see why Sasuke tried to kill me before he left …" I mumbled, though to myself out loud, but I knew they heard it as well. "He tried to kill me because he knew I'd suffer like this!" I added with a yell as I pulled at my hair hard enough to pull some strands out.
"Sasuke's a selfish jackass who cared about no one but himself and his revenge Naruto!" Sakura yelled angrily.
"How would you fucking feel if you had a brother you cared so much about take everything else you care about and tried to kill you too but then decided to leave you alive just for the sake of games?" I yelled back at her and took another step back, though it wasn't as big as I'd like it to be, because the ledge was slightly closer than I thought it was.
"Now please, everyone, calm down." Tsunade said with her hands raised, and that got everyone on their end to shut up at least. "Naruto, please tell me what's been ailing you these last few years, besides Sasuke."
"I can't sleep, I can't eat, I get panic attacks every other day sometimes more than once a day if I'm alone, and I can't do anything without thinking about that bastard!" I yelled at her. "And Kurenai-sensei hasn't helped at all with that department! Stupid fucking writing assignment, I thought it would help me talk about what happened in that damn short story! But no, it just made me worse!"
"Naruto, you know I never meant for something like this to happen, you know that." Kurenai-sensei said, finally.
"I'm not blaming you, I'm blaming the stupid assignment, and my stupid ass life that should have never happened." I told her, looking down at the ground before turning my back to them to look at the scene of Konoha … the sun being high in the sky showing that it was around noon already … I wonder if anyone was going to eat lunch at the base of the mountain like I know some people would do.
"Naruto, we can help you, please, let us. We can help you forget about him and what he's done." Dad said, but I know he was just trying to help. I am all he's got left since his own family died in war. He was the last of his clan, besides me who inherited his blood line.
"Can you really help me?" I asked, and was about to turn around until I felt someone grab me from behind, their arms wrapping around mine and dragged me away from the edge.
"Who the fucking hell do you think you are!?" I yelled, kicking and screaming as another pair of arms grabbed the rope and took it off of me. "Let go of me!"
"I'm sorry." Was all I heard from a low toned voice that I recognized as Gaara before I felt something prick my arm and everything around me started to become numb and my pleas of anger for him to let me go turned into sobs of failure before everything around me went black.
