Title: A Woman Scorned; A Stephanie Plum Story.

Rating: M (to the max)

Warnings: Uh... Not much for this chapter but next chapter we should get down to business... there might even be multiple chapters if I can work myself up to it... There will be sex between two men in a slightly forced situation [no rape but... still not quite consensual... There will be a lot of "the f word" going around I think. And there will be a lot of Naked Ranger. And Naked Morelli. But I think Naked Ranger is more dangerous... You might melt from the hot flashes... ;)

Spoilers: I don't think there are any direct spoilers... If you haven't read 10 you won't know who Ella is but even if something was a spoiler it isn't worded in a way that would make it stand out as a truth among the fiction. So you won't notice any... OH! Huge event in like... 8 I think it was, is spoiled having to do with Ranger's "debt" deal with Stephanie.

Summary: Well, Ranger was dating Jeanne-Ellen Burrows. He thought he'd made it clear to her they were over but, you know how Ranger is... He probably said something cryptic and assumed she just knew what he was talking about. Soon after the alleged break up, Ranger and Stephanie settled their "deal" in the bedroom. Turns out Jeanne-Ellen didn't know they'd broken up so when she found out about it she was understandably upset. This is time for some REVENGE. (or... a workable situation so I can make Ranger and Morelli sex since there isn't any I've ever found...)

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A woman's rage is a very powerful thing. I know this from personal experience, seeing as how I'd walked in on my ex-husband doing the nasty with Joyce Barnhardt on the dining room table before I'd even finished picking out the living room curtains. To say I was a woman scorned was to say the least and to say hell had no fury, well, that was the understatement of the year. We had a loud messy divorce that lasted longer than our marriage but afterwards I was satisfied with the thought of never having to see his ugly mug again.

My name is Stephanie Plum and I work for my cousin Vinnie's bail bonds office. I was satisfied with not having to see him again but I can understand how another woman wouldn't be. The extent of my drive for revenge was limited to leaving big Bob-sized dog poops on Joyce's lawn and occasionally trying to throttle Dickie when contact with him was unavoidable.

I could understand Jeanne-Ellen Burrows' motivation perfectly, I'd even agree with her if her plans for revenge didn't involve not only the guilty party but also two innocent bystanders as well. And I suppose I'm not as innocent as I'd like to believe I am, seeing as how I was the proverbial slut on the dining room table in this instance, but at least I hadn't known he'd had a girlfriend!

I'd known Ranger was trouble from the moment I met him but trouble had finally come to call. Ranger's the primo bounty hunter around here and he's sort of like Batman mixed with Rambo… I'm not entirely sure he's human.

I guess that would be how I'd ended up sitting on the floor of Jeanne-Ellen's big black van's floor, handcuffed to the headrest of the passengers seat with a very big very cold gun pressed to my temple. I was trying hard not to panic but it was difficult when I thought back to all the fantasies I'd had right after the divorce involving a big black van, a gun, and Joyce.

"Calm down, I'm not planning on hurting you. You're just the leverage. If you promise not to scream I'll even put the gun down."

I slid a glance at her. She looked like she was being honest. I nodded slowly and the gun was lowered to the floor.

"I understand why you're doing this," I quavered, "but what exactly are you planning to do?"

She grinned an evil grin, "Just a little public humilation, that's all."

"And what do you need Morelli for?"

Morelli was my on again off again, currently deciding whether to be off again, Trenton cop boyfriend who at times of great sexual need or when great danger is present in my life wants me to quit my job and marry him. Back in high school he used to be the womanizing teenage terror with a great ass and a lizard tongue who seduced girls behind counters at their place of occupation, okay that might have just been me, and now… Well he's kept the great ass and the lizard tongue but he seems to have left the womanizing behind in favor of focusing his intense sex drive on one person. Me.

"Well, I don't need Morelli specifically but you work as leverage for both him and Ranger so I figured it
would be easier that way."

Hm. I guess that made sense.

"I need a doughnut."

Jeanne-Ellen let out a sharp bark of laughter, "I was just thinking the same exact thing."

Ten minutes and a dozen doughnuts later found the two of us in the parking lot of the Dunkin' Donuts and me in a considerably calmer state now that I had only one hand attached to the headrest and a full debriefing on the plan.

I felt a little sorry for Morelli since he was the innocent party in all of this and he was probably going to be pretty pissed if he found out this was all because I'd slept with Ranger, but I had to admit it was a pretty brilliant plan. Especially since all I had to do was get Ranger and Morelli here and help her work the cameras.I'd been shocked and appalled when I'd first heard what she had planned for them but Lula told me earlier that my horoscope said I needed to be open to new experiences and not discriminate against things I don't know anything about. So… I'm willing to give this a try.


Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing,


Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing.

"Yo."

"I have a problem."

"When don't you?"

"Good point."

"What's up?"

"I'm sitting handcuffed in Jeanne-Ellen's van with a gun pointed at me."

"…Babe."

"Shut up! It's your own damn fault this time! Just get your ass up here before she actually hurts me or
something!"

"…"

"Ranger?"

"I'm waiting for you to remember you didn't tell me where here was yet."

"You're laughing at me."

I glared at the phone.

"Do I sound like I'm laughing?"

Yep, definitely at least smiling at the phone and from him, that was just as bad.

"I thought I heard a smile."

"All seriousness on my end babe. Maybe you want to tell me where you are now?"

"Dunkin' Donuts. Half a mile down Hamilton."

I heard him disconnect and immediately dialed Morelli.

"Did your car blow up?"

"No. Why would you-"

"Did you shoot someone?"

"What? No!"

"Did you somehow stumble upon a dead body by way of mysteriously broken windows or conveniently
unlocked doors?"

"Suppose I just wanted to say hi?"

I fumed at the phone when he didn't respond.

"Or suppose I just got lonely and wanted to have some company?"

"Do you want to have… company?"

"NO!" I shouted at the phone.

"Exactly, you only ever call when you need help. So what do you need?"

I put my finger to my eye to calm the twitch that was preparing to rear it's ugly head like it so often
did in times of great irritation.

"Dunkin' Donuts. Half mile down Hamilton. Get here."

"You gonna give me a reason?"

"No."

"Be there in a few."

When he disconnected, I very calmly put the phone down and practiced my deep breathing. I was feeling better about Morelli's part in this scheme by the second.

I smiled at Jeanne-Ellen and she grinned back as she nodded out the window. Ranger's black truck and Morelli's SUV were turning into the parking lot at the same time from opposite directions.

They parked next to each other and exchanged a calculating look, then switched their gazes to the big black van sitting in the corner. Morelli gave a small nod of greeting to Ranger. Ranger gave a smaller one back and they walked silently towards the van together.

Jeanne-Ellen let me out of the other cuff and slid open the side door, holding the gun to my head again. I did my best to look panicked.

"Don't move." She said quietly.

They'd both frozen as soon as the door had opened but after she spoke Ranger slowly removed his
hand from his gun.

"Get in the car or I'll blow her brains out."

I shifted uncomfortably, that snarl had sounded awful serious.

"Its not loaded." She hissed to me out of the corner of her mouth as the two men cautiously moved towards the van.

"Morelli, take the two pairs of handcuffs and give one to Ranger."

After Morelli had given Ranger his pair they looked up for further instruction.

"Now handcuff yourselves behind the others back."

Morelli and Ranger stared at one another for a moment then stiffly moved over to each other. Morelli
reached around Ranger, making sure to keep as much space between them as possible, and cuffed his wrists together. Ranger attempted to cuff his hands behind Morelli's back without moving closer but had no success. With a small grimace he stepped forward into Morelli's personal space and managed to cuff his other wrist.

I was having to work very very hard to keep my frightened expression believable when I was cackling with glee inside at their discomfort. What can I say, I was liking this revenge thing a little now that it was all underway. I was still a little irked about Ranger always being amused by me and Morelli always assuming the worst about me.

"Now get in the van."

The men looked at each other, then her, then down at the position they were in.

"How exactly were you planning on us managing this?" Morelli asked, staring at the rather high step up into the van in disbelief.

"Figure it out."

Sheesh, no help from her at all… Now that I was looking at it it did seem a little improbable that they'd be able to make it in easily.

After a few awkward moments where Morelli had to grab Ranger's butt to lift him off the ground so he could get them in the car, they'd tumbled inside winding up with Ranger sitting in Morelli's lap looking very uncomfortable. He was glaring at Morelli while Morelli looked back at him sheepishly.

"What can I say? It's just something about her!"

I felt my jaw drop slightly open.

"How the hell can you be horny right now?!" I demanded incredulously.

"I'm a Morelli. And I'm not the only one!"

Everyone in the van looked at Ranger. He hadn't said a word the entire time he'd been here but his mouth was pressed into a tight line.

"Ranger?" I questioned, since no one else was saying anything.

Slowly he turned his head to look me in the eye for a long moment. Then even slower his mouth relaxed into a tiny helpless smirk and he shook his head slightly.

"You need a longer skirt."

We all looked down at my skirt.

"What?"

"Babe. You're wearing the Batman underwear I bought you to replace the ones Ella lost."

I felt my face heat up a little.

"You bought her underwear?!" Morelli roared at him, "You wearing underwear that has Ranger cooties?!"

I raised an eyebrow at him, "Ranger cooties?"

He spluttered a little in anger, "You've come to bed with me in those!"

He looked indignant, Ranger just kept smirking.

"Take them off."

"What?!"

"Take. Them. Off."

"Are you crazy?!"

"I don't want you wearing them!"

"I'll wear them if I damn well want to wear them!"

Ranger had begun to shake slightly, I had a feeling he was laughing and I wondered how long it would be until Morelli noticed too.

"Take them off now!"

"No!"

"Yes!"

"No!"

"Ye- Are you laughing?!"

I stared at Ranger, the shaking had become more noticeable and his smirk had morphed into a smile.
Definitely laughing. Ranger didn't respond.

Morelli shoved at Ranger with his shoulder and Ranger accidentally let a laugh escape.

"It's not funny!" Morelli growled, flailing at Ranger with both shoulders now.

Suddenly Ranger jumped and stared down at Morelli in surprise.

"Did you just… Bite me?!"

"No…" Morelli said innocently, voice muffled by Rangers shoulder as he looked up at him.

"You just- he just…" Ranger broke off and stared at me.

"Your boyfriend just bit me babe."

"You deserved it." I gave him the evil eye and turned my back on them, trying to muffle my laughter
into my fist.

I heard Morelli sigh.

"I don't know how you get yourself into these messes Cupcake."

I sneaked a glance back at them. Ranger was watching me, still smiling slightly, and Morelli had his head leaned back against the wall.

"I don't know about the rest of her messes, but this one came about because those two-"

Ranger cut Jeanne-Ellen off, smile gone. "One more word and I'll make sure your life is ruined as soon as this little plot is over."

She scoped him out in the rearview mirror to see if he was serious. Apparently his face was serious enough for her because she blanched and kept driving.

"Do I even want to know?" Morelli asked bleakly.

"No." Ranger and I said at the same time.

"We're here."

A/N::.. Well this will have [gay sex. In the next chapter. I just need to write it and work out the kinks. But let me know what you think so far? It will be M rated for sexual situations, nudity, and probably a lot of swearing so... BEWARE.