Inspired by a friend's bad handwriting while we were on our Pre-Iron Man 2 adventures back in April, traveling across L.A.
The HOE
by ZionAngel
Pepper feels eyes on her. Her hand pauses over the paper as she glances back across her shoulder. She finds Tony, rocking back and forth on his heels with his hands fidgeting in his jacket pockets. He looks like he's literally itching to get out of this meeting and back home to the workshop. She says a quick prayer that the New York investors still in the board room won't notice, or at least won't find it rude, and continues jotting down driving directions for their guests. At least he hasn't verbally said anything about wanting to leave, and hasn't left the room – a small miracle, she supposes.
She finishes writing and tears the sheet out of her notebook. "This is the fastest way back to your hotel from here, Mr. Harper," she explains, handing the driving directions to their out-of-town associate. "You can never trust the GPS in rush hour traffic."
Tony is still peering over her shoulder, looking confused, when she stands to bid their visitors goodbye.
Outside the building, just as they're walking towards Happy and the waiting car, Tony finally speaks. "What does a hoe have to do with driving?"
Pepper stops so suddenly she nearly trips over her own feet. "Wh—what?" It can only be some sort of crude joke, but as fast as her mind processes, she can't figure out where the punch line is supposed to go. Tony opens his door and slips into the car, and Pepper snaps back to attention and follows.
"You wrote it on those directions you gave to Harper. What's it supposed to mean?"
Pepper's mind races down the page, through every pen stroke of her directions, trying to figure it out. When she does, she sighs and shakes her head in exasperation. "That was the I-10 East, Tony. Not HOE." Though, she does see how he must have made the mistake – the 'I-1' was written close enough together to look like an 'H', and she only used a capital 'E' instead of the word East. But still. "Your mind is never not in the gutter, I swear."
"I think you're the one with her mind in the gutter," he retorts, and she immediately regrets commenting. Although he probably would have found a way to turn it into some salacious and dirty joke either way. "You know, they say your handwriting reveals a lot about your state of mind, Potts."
She does her best to ignore him, pulling out her Blackberry and hoping against all hope that he'll just drop it.
"That's fine, you don't have to answer. It'll be more fun to guess why you wrote –"
"I think it says a lot more about your mindset that you won't let this go," she quips, opting for a new tactic. "And need I point out the serendipitous fact that that freeway leads straight to your front door?"
His eyebrow goes up slowly. "What's that supposed to mean?"
"I just find it fitting that it the 'hoe' freeway goes to your home, since a ho sleeps there almost every night."
"Hey, I haven't had a woman over in months. And I wouldn't have pegged you as the type to demean a woman for having a healthy sexual appetite –"
"I wasn't referring to the women."
Tony's jaw snaps shut, and he seems to slump down in his seat. The only sound is Happy's muffled laugh from the front seat.
Pepper skillfully hides a smirk. "We dropping this subject now?"
"Yup."
Pepper gives herself a little mental pat on the back. If there's one benefit to being subjected to Tony's crude sense of humor day in and day out, it's that she's learned to deal with it with a skill unmatched by anyone else.
"Hogan, get on the HOE and take us home!"
Pepper just sighs.
