Disclaimer: Not mine

AN: Thanks to Jedisapphire for the beta

Summary: Dean struggles to deal with the cruel things he said and did to Sam as a demon. Most notably trying to kill him.

o0o

Dean hovered quietly nearby as Sam sat at the Library table reading the newspaper.

"What is it Dean?" Sam looked up knowing his brother had struggled for days to talk about what happened.

"Sammy, I almost killed you!" Dean blurted out. "How do I start to say how sorry I am for that and everything else I did?"

"You just did," Sam answered his eyes filled with warmth and compassion.

Dean took a seat next to Sam. "Please tell me there is a way to get past this."

"That wasn't you Dean," Sam spoke softly able to finally talk about what had been difficult for him too.

"No it wasn't Sam and not a word I said as that twisted son of a bitch was true. You have to believe me."

"I do," Sam said reassuring his brother. "I do believe you."

"I couldn't hurt you, let alone try to kill you Sammy. It's not in me. I'd rather die myself."

"I know the feeling," Sam said remembering how he lowered the knife from Dean's throat, knowing he could never kill the brother he loved dearly.

"Forgive me," Dean pleaded. Heartbroken he had put Sam in that position.

"There's nothing to forgive. I know your heart Dean Winchester and that wasn't you. But honestly it hurt even knowing that. It still hurts. The things you said and that you would have killed me if Castiel didn't show up when he did and if Crowley didn't decide to re-up his grace."

Dean looked as tormented as the day following being cured. When the reality of what he'd done set in.

"I'm not saying this to hurt you Dean," Sam tried to ease the pain his honesty caused. "It's the last thing I want to do after everything you've been through. But to get past this and I have no doubt we can we need to be honest with each other."

"I can do that," Dean said, the relief on his face warming Sam inside.

"It will take time seeing how both of us couldn't even bring the subject up for days. Now we are starting to talk about it so that's a step forward."

"I know something else that can help us," Sam added.

"Anything," Dean stated sounding more upbeat.

"How about we talk a little more on the way here," Sam handed Dean the article he had cut out.

"A job?" Dean skimmed over the article which looked to be a haunting of some kind.

"How about it?" Sam asked. "Ready to jump back in?"

"Hell yeah!"

"I think we both could use the distraction and it's what we do, right?"

"Yeah its what we do," Dean agreed.

"I just want to finish organizing these few things. So is ten minutes good?"

"Sounds good," Dean started for his room then turned back around and kissed the top of his brother's head. Sam smiled shyly at the display of affection which Dean mirrored as he left to grab his things.

With their relationship on the mend Dean was filled with hope and eager to get back on the road. Out there hunting things that go bump in the night with his kid brother by his side. This was what Dean needed and there was nowhere else he'd rather be.