AN/ Here it is, people! A short one! Not short enough to be a one-shot, though. It's just a little bit angsty. Poor Jasper is a mess. I would be if I were in his shoes! Who'd like losing Edward? Let's see how this goes.
As usual, the story is pre-written, pre-read by my bestie Lisa-FanFicCrazy, and pre-betaed by dearest sue273. So, hopefully, we won't have any problems posting it weekly.
I hope you all enjoy it!
Chapter 1
"Edward's guy asked him to move in..."
"What?" Jasper's eyes were wide in disbelief as he lifted his face from his hands, looking Emmett in the eyes.
"Already? How long have they been together? Two weeks?" Jasper's hands flew to the air. He was so loud, Emmett jumped in his chair.
"Five months," Emmett answered apologetically, sporting an ugly grimace as he corrected his friend and brother-in-law.
Jasper bit his bottom lip looking away from Emmett, his eyes almost watering; he was feeling weak and stupid for the sentiments he still nourished for his ex. He wanted to cry and scream, and break something, maybe. He felt so foolish, but so powerless at the same time.
Since he'd known Edward was dating another guy, he thought it was his fault. He'd been such a loser! Such a coward ass! But feeling bad about himself only made him feel worse about Edward.
"Edward is an asshole," Jasper commented, trying to fake a calm he was far from feeling as he rubbed his face on his forearm in an attempt to wipe the tears that stubbornly slid down his right cheek.
"We all know he is. He was never an asshole to you, though. And we all know why he's the way he is," Emmett reasoned. "Being outed the way he was is nobody's first choice. Having parents like his is punishment for a whole life's worth of being an asshole. But he was never a shitty person to you."
Jasper knew Emmett had a point. Edward had all the reason to be mad at the world.
As a freshman in college he was attacked by a group of gay-bashers while kissing his date on the lips in an enclosed area in a park.
Both ended up in the hospital, where his parents heard the whole story from the cops.
As they walked into Edward's hospital room, their disappointment was written all over their faces. His mother's tears showed some compassion, but she wouldn't even hold his hand. His father wouldn't look him in the eye.
Edward's jaw was bruised pretty badly so he couldn't talk. He could only hear his father's harsh words informing him they hadn't raised a son for him to turn into a faggot. He said his investments in Edward's future were to be repaid with a successful future, a wife and grandchildren. He made it clear Edward needed to be a MAN to remain in his family, otherwise he'd be out.
His father asked him once more if he would insist on that ridiculous charade of being a fag and, feeling like dying inside, Edward only nodded. He couldn't fight against his own feelings; he couldn't pretend to be someone he was not. He'd done that for years, and he'd had enough; he was tired of pretending.
His parents ended up deserting him, paying the hospital bill, but cutting him loose, not even agreeing to pay for the rest of his college education. They said they were so humiliated and frustrated to have raised someone for so long, having that as repayment—an aberration.
Edward was taken in by Emmett, who let him sleep at his dorm room floor until he found a job and both of them found a place they could afford close to campus.
Edward had to quit college for a long time, first working wherever he could—constructions, coffee shops, waiting tables at restaurants.
He also bulked up at the gym, having promised himself he would never be caught by surprise like that night, or be weak and not able to defend himself again.
For years, he only worked to save money enough for college, even renting his own room at the apartment he shared with Emmett and two others, sleeping on a mattress on the living room floor.
Edward learned to trust nobody—except for Emmett.
Years had gone by and Edward finally went back to college, working at night as a bouncer in Emmett's club so he could study during the day. He was the head of security, and Emmett's most trusted person there.
"You fucked up pretty badly, you know… showing up at my wedding with that Bella person." Emmett broke the silence. Jasper grimaced shaking his head as if trying to shake those memories away.
"By the way, I never asked you, but WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?" Emmett went on leaning back on his chair, raising his hands in an exasperated move.
Jasper kept shaking his head no, faster now, pursing his lips as if incapable of explaining.
"I still can't believe that, you know… Bella?" Emmett shot his brows up, shaking his head a bit.
"I needed a date…" Jasper breathed, trying to find a good excuse for his behavior.
"You had a date… you had Edward."
"We had agreed we would go separately. How the fuck am I getting out of the fucking closet at my only sister's wedding? Rose would've killed me!" Jasper's voice went a tone higher trying to make his point.
"Okay… I can give you that. But you didn't have to bring a beard, Jasper—especially her." Emmett lowered his voice as he bowed his head, shaking it sideways a bit.
Jasper's ex-girlfriend, Bella, was a constant reason for his fights with Edward when they were together. Jasper had broken up with her to be with Edward and was terrified of her seeing them together in a compromising situation—she would out him for sure.
"I needed to bring a date. My dad would find it weird if I didn't. All the other girls I know knew I was with Edward. It would be a mess if I had asked one of them!"
He had not convinced Emmett yet.
"You know how difficult it was for him to trust you? To open up to you and show you who he really is?" Emmett asked, but Jasper couldn't look at him and say a word. "Did you know…" Emmett shook his head before sighing and trying again. "I know what I'm going to say is so private I shouldn't be mentioning it. Edward told me in a drunken state sometime after you two split. He said you didn't know, but I think you should so you can understand what a huge deal you meant to him."
Jasper looked at Emmett a bit confused—he always thought Edward held no secrets from him.
"Did you know… Fuck… Did you know you were the only man he ever bottomed for?"
Jasper's eyes went wide at the revelation. He never knew. He thought Edward bottomed for him because that was what he liked. He shook his head no, but kept his eyes trained at Emmett's, waiting for more information.
"From the beginning of your thing with him, he knew you had just realized you liked men. He was willing to let you get used to being with him. After some time, he tried but you didn't let him near your… you know, near you, so he never tried again hoping one day you'd ask him to."
Jasper lowered his head and buried his face in his hands. He'd always been afraid of talking about that with Edward. He was never open that way.
"Have you got any idea how hard it was for him to stay there as my best man, standing by my side at the altar while you were sitting on a bench with Bella all over you?"
Jasper still couldn't look Emmett in the eye.
"Ridiculous public display of … whatever 'cause that was not affection for sure, by the way."
Jasper started shivering; the memories from that evening after the wedding reception running him over like a freight train.
Edward hadn't spoken a word to him during the reception. His eyes were dead. He was polite and pleasant with everyone around him, but there was no spark in his beautiful forest greens.
Jasper couldn't wait to get home and explain himself.
They had agreed to go as friends. The night before the wedding, the whole family gathered at the hotel where the reception would be so as to enjoy the rare moments they had together.
Jasper's mom had arranged for Bella to be invited in an attempt to get them back together. She was worried since it had been almost a year and Jasper hadn't introduced them to a new girlfriend. She made him agree to go with Bella, since he was currently unattached.
Jasper couldn't say no; he had no plausible reason not to take her as a date. He tried! He said she would be in the way and would prevent him from meeting a nice girl. "Women become more interested when a man has company," was his mother's counter-argument.
He had no way out of it. Edward wouldn't answer the phone so he could explain it to him. The next morning was too busy and when he realized, he was in church with Bella attached to his arm.
Once he'd seen Edward moving to the exit, he left the party, too. As he walked inside Edward's apartment, he found the place a complete mess. His boyfriend had started throwing everything he had left there onto the floor next to the front door. The beast was loose once he was away from the public eye—Edward was red with fury.
Jasper tried calling his name but he wouldn't have any of it.
Edward raised a hand demanding Jasper to stop, saying "Save it! Just get your shit and get lost!" As Jasper started trying to talk again, Edward shouted, "JUST FUCKING GET YOUR SHIT AND GET THE FUCK OUT!"
Jasper could see the tears trying to pour from Edward's eyes. His fingertips itched to reach for his man, but before he could move, Edward vanished to his room.
Jasper waited and waited. Edward wouldn't come out, so he walked in after him. He found Edward's bedroom door locked from the inside. He knocked once and had no answer. He tried again twice before Edward walked up to the door to unlock it, leaving it open for Jasper to walk in as he sat on his bed.
As Jasper paced a little closer to Edward, he tried apologizing but Edward wouldn't allow it. He just shook his head no, cutting him off. "I'm tired of being the reason for people to be ashamed of me."
Jasper rushed to him and knelt at Edward's feet in a pleading position. "Edward! I love you! You know I do! Since the very first time I laid my eyes on you, you know I loved you! This was just a misunderstanding! She means nothing to me! You are my … my everything, you know you are! When was I ever ashamed of you, baby?"
Edward stood up with a sarcastic smile on his face and walked around the room. "All the freaking time! You aren't ashamed of me when we are here or at Emmett's and maybe in different gay places we go, but you are ashamed of me where we could possibly meet anyone who knows you and your family!"
Jasper stood up and tried walking towards Edward, but met his raised hand warning him to stay away before he could do it.
"Edward… you know I'm not out yet. You promised me you wouldn't rush me."
Edward moved fast in Jasper's direction, looking so menacing he frightened Jasper, making him pace backwards until he hit the wall. "I know I promised you that. But when will you ever be ready?" Edward said pressing himself against Jasper, trapping him between his body and the concrete.
Jasper could taste Edward's breath on his tongue he was so close. He leaned his face forward and his lips touched Edward's. On a different occasion, that would have settled the matter.
Not this time.
Edward kissed him back furiously, bruising his lips, scraping his tongue with his teeth, pushing Jasper against the wall so harshly it was painful. But as he stopped, still trapping Jasper against the wall, he repeated the same words, "Now, get your shit and get lost."
Edward moved away from Jay, sighed and continued, "You will never admit you're gay… I will always be this… It's not enough for me. Just… just go."
Edward went into his en-suite bathroom.
Jasper felt defeated. Edward was the first man, the first person, the only one he ever loved. He had changed his life completely so he could make Edward happy. Edward, on the other hand, told him he could take all the time he needed to come out. He never thought he'd lose Edward over this. Jasper ended up leaving, and never saw Edward again.
"Did he say yes?"Jasper snapped.
"What?" Emmett asked confused, already focusing on something else.
"Did Edward accept the guy's invitation to move in?"
Emmett shook his head but didn't really answer Jasper's question, "I don't know why I told you that. I shouldn't have." He stood up from his chair in an attempt to run from the situation, but Jasper didn't leave it alone.
"Tell me… he didn't, did he? Tell me!" he went on insisting, walking after Emmett to his office.
"Edward asked me to tell you… That's why I did it. He asked me so you would know before he actually moved in with the guy. He hasn't said yes… yet."
Jasper's eyes lit up as his smile spread on his face.
"No… no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no! NO! You are NOT going to blow this for him. You are NOT going to look for him! This guy is the best thing that ever happened to him! He's older, he loves Edward to death and Edward is crazy about Garrett's daughter! The guy introduced him to his family as his boyfriend! Not a friend! Not a colleague from wherever, but as his boyfriend! The man he loves! Do you understand? If you screw this up for him, I'll never forgive you, Jasper. I mean it!" Emmett growled. Jasper's smile faded. "What the fuck have you got to offer him? Huh? A life deep back in your closet with you? Do you really think that after all he's been through he deserves such a life? Don't be selfish enough to bring him down with you to your miserable half-lived life, Jasper. Edward's been working hard to get back on his feet after having everything taken away from him," Emmett finished.
Jasper was wide-eyed at Emmett's reaction to the short-lived hint of hope Jasper had flickering in his eyes. He knew Emmett was Edward's best friend, but he never knew he would feel the way he did about Jasper and Edward's year or so long relationship.
Jasper tried speaking, but his mouth opened and closed a few times before he quit.
"Will you tell your parents? Will you take him as your spouse? Give him a family?"
Jasper was finally nudged to speak—he had no doubts about never coming out to his father. "You know I can't tell my dad that. I can't tell him I'm bi and in love with a man. Do you remember when Riley told dad he was gay? Remember how long he was depressed and hurt? I can't do that to him. I just… can't." He shook his head nervously as his fingers combed his hair.
"Man… how can you be such a coward? You've been so stupid all this time, but I'd never taken you for a wimp. Hasn't your father married the maid's daughter against his family's wishes? Hadn't he fought for her and made his folks accept her, and treat her like she deserved as their in-law? How come you never learned anything from him? From his history?"
Jasper couldn't take it anymore. He felt so humiliated and low he could hardly pull air into his lungs. Suddenly, he felt like every chance of happiness in his life was taken away and that life was surely not worth living.
In an attempt to save the little dignity he still had, he checked his watch and decided it was time to go—time for Edward to arrive at the club for work.
He left feeling defeated and miserable.
AN/ See what I meant? Tell me what you think! Next chapter will be up next Saturday. Hope to see you then!
