Note from the author: I don't own the rights to the Three Little Pigs... This was just a story I had to write for an old Grade 7 Assignment (We had to re-write a fairy tale with "slang") I found it on a an old disk today, and thought "God, this is a gem!" And as always, my stories are weirrrrrd... Enjoy!
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Once upon a time there was a gang of pigs set out to build themselves a cool hangout. Each one wanted one more cooler than the next, so the dashed off in different directions for their material.
The first pig was a bit of an airhead, and he thought he'd have groovy house by using straw. So he went up to a merchant and said, "Yo dude, I hear you got some sweet stuff to build me a new den!" as he gestured to the straw in the corner. The merchant thought this guy was totally stoned, but needed to make a profit "Sure dude, you can have some! Come again!" The first pig started flipping out when he had finished his new grounds, but to others it just looked like a pile of trash. The pig didn't care, but he went inside anyway.
Then a totally famished wolf came strutting down the path, and the sight of the pig from his window made his mouth water over with hunger. He immediately beagled to the door and called out "Yo, Pig! Lemme in!" "Not by the hair of my chinny chin chin!" Came a p-o-ed answer from the door. The wolf totally had a cow at the remark, and sneered, "You scum! I oughtta blow your house down!" With that, he huffed and puffed and totalled the house with his breath. Then, he chowed down on the pig and took off.
The next pig was smarter than his bro, but still a dimwit. He saw a merchant carrying sticks and flipped out with excitement "Dude! Dude! Can I bum a few?" The greedy merchant saw this pig was not the sharpest guy but he needed some quick cash so he sold the second pig some.
The wolf saw the second pig brushing up on his house and felt like he could eat a horse, but when the pig saw him, he bolted inside and locked the door behind him. He wolf knocked on the door and called, "Yo, Pig! Lemme in!" "Not by the hair of my chinny chin chin!". The wolf went banana's and blew the pig's house to the ground, then noticed the pig and thought "Hey, more grub and a half!"
The third pig was a clever geek, and knew that the bricks would hold for sure! He noticed a filthy rich dude with about a million bricks and asked "Buddy, hook me up!" Though the pig had to fork over a large amount of dough, he was satisfied by the truckload. He got really hyped and built away, then he crashed on the bed of straw he swiped from his brother. He was suddenly out of his skin an hour later when he heard a deep dude yell, "Yo, Pig! Lemme in!" The pig was cranky and called back "Not by the hair of my chinny chin chin!"
The wolf tried to blow down the house, but nothing worked. "You cheese! I'm comin' down your chimney!" The moronic wolf didn't know the pig was lighting a fire, so he got his butt completely torched and the pig lived happily ever after.
Da End!
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Once upon a time there was a gang of pigs set out to build themselves a cool hangout. Each one wanted one more cooler than the next, so the dashed off in different directions for their material.
The first pig was a bit of an airhead, and he thought he'd have groovy house by using straw. So he went up to a merchant and said, "Yo dude, I hear you got some sweet stuff to build me a new den!" as he gestured to the straw in the corner. The merchant thought this guy was totally stoned, but needed to make a profit "Sure dude, you can have some! Come again!" The first pig started flipping out when he had finished his new grounds, but to others it just looked like a pile of trash. The pig didn't care, but he went inside anyway.
Then a totally famished wolf came strutting down the path, and the sight of the pig from his window made his mouth water over with hunger. He immediately beagled to the door and called out "Yo, Pig! Lemme in!" "Not by the hair of my chinny chin chin!" Came a p-o-ed answer from the door. The wolf totally had a cow at the remark, and sneered, "You scum! I oughtta blow your house down!" With that, he huffed and puffed and totalled the house with his breath. Then, he chowed down on the pig and took off.
The next pig was smarter than his bro, but still a dimwit. He saw a merchant carrying sticks and flipped out with excitement "Dude! Dude! Can I bum a few?" The greedy merchant saw this pig was not the sharpest guy but he needed some quick cash so he sold the second pig some.
The wolf saw the second pig brushing up on his house and felt like he could eat a horse, but when the pig saw him, he bolted inside and locked the door behind him. He wolf knocked on the door and called, "Yo, Pig! Lemme in!" "Not by the hair of my chinny chin chin!". The wolf went banana's and blew the pig's house to the ground, then noticed the pig and thought "Hey, more grub and a half!"
The third pig was a clever geek, and knew that the bricks would hold for sure! He noticed a filthy rich dude with about a million bricks and asked "Buddy, hook me up!" Though the pig had to fork over a large amount of dough, he was satisfied by the truckload. He got really hyped and built away, then he crashed on the bed of straw he swiped from his brother. He was suddenly out of his skin an hour later when he heard a deep dude yell, "Yo, Pig! Lemme in!" The pig was cranky and called back "Not by the hair of my chinny chin chin!"
The wolf tried to blow down the house, but nothing worked. "You cheese! I'm comin' down your chimney!" The moronic wolf didn't know the pig was lighting a fire, so he got his butt completely torched and the pig lived happily ever after.
Da End!
