Children and fools tell the truth
"Pregnant." The word still tingled in her ears, bouncing around in her head. Emily closed her eyes and put her head back.
"I´m pregnant." she murmured toward the white ceiling as if saying it out loud would somehow help her realize it.
It was four weeks to Christmas and as Emily stood in the hallway right in front of the doctors office. she didn´t feel very Christmassy.
Muffled noises surrounded her: the soft buzz of the elevator, a door opened and closed, footsteps disappearing to nowhere.
Sighing, Emily went down the stairs. When she came out of the door, a cold wind blew in her face making her flinch. She shivered and drew her coat tighter around her as she walked over to the parking lot where she had left her car.
It had started with another feeling of nausea this morning. For a few days, she had those attacks of sickness, but had somehow succeeded in ignoring it. Up until the moment she missed her period.
Eventually, she had taken the pregnancy test she had bought, which had come out positive. But to be sure, she immediately made an appointment with her gynecologist.
"Congratulations, Ms. Prentiss. You´re pregnant." Dr. Morris grinned at her. Her eyes had widened and she had to swallow hard with a lump in her throat.
"Oh." Her smile was awkward and forced.
"Pregnant." The word had knocked her nearly breathless.
"Is something wrong, Ms. Prentiss?" Dr. Morris had asked.
"No, no. Everything´s alright." Emily had plastered on another smile.
The doctor had scribbled down a few notes on health supplements, given her some advice about food, alcohol, and dismissed her with advice to make another appointment.
How could this happen? Emily sat in her car now, but hadn´t started it up yet. Her hands shook and she tried to collect her thoughts.
She actually knew how IT could happen, but why was she still so stupid? Hadn´t she learned anything from her past?
The medical explanation was that, after Dr. Morris had changed the brand of the birth control pills because of some intolerance, Emily´s hormones had been all over the place. Therefore, some irregularities occurred which probably helped her to get pregnant.
Emily sighed.
What will Rossi say? Should she actually tell him? For several minutes, she just sat in her car pondering what to do.
Then JJ came to mind. She always had been a reliable friend and she always had rational reasoning in special situations.
Resolutely, Emily started her car, heading to JJ´s apartment. She vaguely recognized there were the first Christmas lighting and seasonal decorations in the streets. A Christmas song played on the radio and somehow she felt something warm and comfortable tickling low in her belly.
An hour later, she sat on the couch in JJ´s living room, a glass of untouched red wine on the table in front of her. JJ hadn´t actually asked her about the wine and Emily was too excited to explain yet. It was a typical girls-talk situation.
Then she began, telling JJ about the one-night-stand she had had with David Rossi after the Robert Reimann-case in New Mexico, the unsub who has gotten his victims pregnant to have their babies before killing the women.
Much to Emily´s surprise, JJ wasn´t truly taken aback; her friend merely grinned.
"Sure," was all JJ said, blinking at her from the other side of the couch.
"You know about that night?" Emily asked, her eyes wide.
"Not about this particular night, but everyone, or at least Garcia and I, could see, that you´re hot for Dave." She smiled.
"You and Garcia?" Emily stressed every single word; she was completely flabbergasted.
"All your amorous glances at him, the way you try to be close to him. It was...obvious." JJ shrugged, chuckling.
"Oh." Speechless, she slowly nodded averting her eyes from JJ´s, allegedly admiring the Advent wreath on the table.
When the moment of shock faded away, Emily shook her hair out of her face, took a deep breath, then decisively facing JJ again.
"Well!" She began, grateful that her voice was steady.
Then she continued telling about their amazing night of love with David Rossi; that he, nevertheless, had left in the middle of the night. Which, for Emily, was an unmistakable sign that it was just what it was, a one-night-stand. They never had met in private or even talked about it afterwards.
And now, as a matter of fact, she was pregnant.
"Wow." JJ raised her eyebrows, slumping back in the cushions of the couch.
"Yeah, that´s what I thought too." Emily answered dryly.
"What a very nice Christmas present for him." JJ smirked but her eyes full of warmth and understanding. With a lissome move, she pushed aside Emily´s wine glass without saying a word, stood up and a moment later she placed a glass of orange juice in front of her.
Emily smiled thankfully, but was lost in thoughts. Both of them remained silent.
"You think I should tell him about the baby?" Emily said after a while twiddling with her fingers.
"Of course! No question. You must tell him about the baby." JJ said emphatically, turning her palms up.
"You do love him, do you?" It wasn´t really a question but Emily responded to it anyway.
"Is it that obvious too?" Emily shifted around on the couch.
Nodding, JJ put a hand on Emily's forearm.
"That´s why you must tell him about the baby and how you feel about him. He has a right to know it. Give him a go." She paused.
"But more than that, you have a right to know it. If you don´t tell him, don´t talk to him, you´ll never know why he left that night. You´ll never know how he feels or if he is willing to deal with it." She squeezed Emily´s forearm.
"Do it for your sake. And for your baby."
Confronting Rossi with the facts was easier said than done. Emily was no coward but she didn´t know how to tell him the news. Her love for him was undeniable; she probably loved him from the first day she met him.
But what did he feel for her? With his past of three ex-wives, he probably adopted a reserved attitude related to commitment and relationship.
Emily stood at the window of her living room, not exactly realizing what she was looking at.
Suddenly, she became aware of the Christmas decorations at the windows of her neighbors. Blinking stars, window stickers of Santa, snowmen, and angels.
Again, she felt this warm feeling inside her stomach. She looked down and touched her belly, smiling.
"Yes. I´m pregnant. I´m going to have a baby."
The smile widened from ear to ear; a grin only a mother felt when she realized that there was something eminently, almost magical, is happening inside her.
"I promise you, my little one, you won´t be growing up alone."
With her newly found self-assurance, she decided to decorate her condo for the season while pondering about how she best could face Rossi.
One hour later, she contentedly admired her handiwork and had also found a solution how to confront David Rossi.
In ten days the Christmas Party of the BAU would take place, and she was determined to tell him about the ´new´ facts in his life, as long as no case interfered with her plans.
It turned out, that possibly even the serial killers respected the advent season, so no actual case got in the way of her plan. So she stood in front of Dave´s house the next day. A dim light in the living room indicated that he was at home. Emily licked her lips.
It was cold and it looked like snow, but the shiver running down her spine wasn´t only a result of the temperatures outside.
Taking the few brick steps to the front door, she breathed deeply to compose herself. She tried to still her shaky hands as she pushed the button of the door bell.
The ring of the bell seemed oddly loud to her as she swayed back and forth on her feet, head tilted and compressing her lips nervously.
It seemed to take ages before the door opened.
"Emily?" Dave said with some surprise, raising his eyebrows. He wore blue jeans and a gray shirt, the sleeves rolled up. The butterflies in Emily´s stomach ran a riot.
For a moment, they just looked at each other, scrutinizing their faces for any reactions but both were highly experienced in hiding reactions.
"Come in." Dave finally said, stepping aside to let her in. Emily passed him without looking or saying anything to him. In the hallway, she turned around watching him closing the door.
"I´m pregnant." Emily blurted out unable to hold back any longer.
He stayed rooted to the ground.
"You´re what?" He stared at her.
"Pregnant." She stood with her hands on her hip. "You know, that thing that happens when two grown ups,... have sex..."
Eventually, he broke from his stupor.
"I know how this happens." Dave interrupted her, impatiently waving his hands.
"Come on, let us go to the living room." He motioned to the door at the end of the hall.
"Give me your coat." A snappy come-back was on the tip of her tongue because of his brisk tone, but she stifled it and disrobed her coat. Scowling, she entered the adjacent room.
In the living room, she realized that the light she had seen from outside came from a fire in a brick-built fireplace on the opposite wall of the room and a dimmed floor lamp beside the coffee table. It smelled of freshly made coffee.
They sat down on the opposite sides of the leather couch, both on the edge, avoiding eye contact.
Emily folded her hands in her lap. Dave put his elbows on his thighs bending forward.
Silence.
Only the crackling sound of burning logs could be heard.
"You´re going to have a baby?" His voice a bit hoarse, tinged with a mixture of wonderment and confusion. And there was some more, but Emily couldn´t define it. The revelation had obviously affected him, but David Rossi wasn´t that easily thrown for a loop and was a master in concealment.
"Yes. And don´t you dare to ask if it's yours." She finally snapped with all of the gamut of emotions visible in her face.
"Emily!" Sitting up straight he seemed downright shocked by her sharp accusation.
Emily was quiet for a moment, sat back and crossed her legs putting one hand between her thighs. With the other hand, she picked some imaginary fuzz from her black slacks.
Then she looked at him. "You´re a coward." Pausing, she stared at him.
He grunted his agreement. "I heard that before. Repeatedly." Standing, he left, and returned with two cups of coffee. He added milk to hers and put the cups on the table without a word, but didn´t sit down again.
Now, Emily was at the end of her tether.
"We had a steaming-hot night together and you ran off. Damn it!" Emily snarled, her face tightened by her angry outburst.
"You never ever said a word about it!" Her voice was loud now and her eyes were filled with tears but she didn´t cry.
Dave just nodded, but remained silent. Then he looked down on the coffee cup in his hands putting it back on the table untouched.
"Nothing is what it seems." He finally said softly, more to himself than to her.
Waiting for him to clarify, Emily looked down on the table top, blinking her tears away. She tried to control her trembling hands, but was so far unsuccessful.
"Steaming. Hot?" He instead drawled, repeating her words, while putting his hands in the back pockets of his jeans in his classic Rossi pose.
"What?" Taken aback, Emily opened her mouth, her eyes wide. Then she closed her mouth and narrowed her eyes, speechless for a moment.
"You said, steaming-hot." A lopsided smile grew on his face.
"Well, yes, I did." she answered sharply.
"Because it was, at least, for me." Defiant and provocative, she crossed her arms over her chest. She pursed her lips and waited, her body language was loud and clear.
"For me too." he said softly. Sitting down beside her, he tried to touch her shoulder, but the action caused Emily to draw back a little. His hand ended up on her upper arm.
"That´s why I ran away." Emily met his eyes with disbelief, slowly shaking her head, her cheeks glowed.
"I don´t understand." Still quivering with emotions her voice was shakily.
"I couldn´t handle it." With a faint smile on his face, he squeezed her arm.
Another pause.
He leaned forward and touched her cheek with one hand. She didn´t back off, but didn´t come toward him either.
"The emotions, the feelings, all of that overwhelmed me." He tried to catch her eyes, his thumb stroking her cheek. She gazed at him.
"It was too much. I know I was gutless, but I was scared. I never imagined I could feel something like this again." He put his hand down and Dave´s shoulders slumped forward. For the first time since she knew him, Emily saw David Rossi in a kind of defeat.
When she started to say something, Dave held up his hand.
"Please, Emily, let me explain." He swallowed hard.
"You´re such a strong woman. I didn´t want to hurt you."
"Oh, how chivalrous." Rolling her eyes, her voice grew cold.
"I´ve heard that before. Repeatedly." She sneered this time, borrowing his words.
"I´ve made a few women´s lives miserable. I wasn´t able to make them happy." He continued to speak, ignoring her little taunt.
"Well, I didn´t destroy them either. Actually they´re all living quite good with the financial settlements I had to pay." He smirked, but she knew that the sarcasm was contrived, covering an ingrained hurt.
"I don´t want do that to you." His voice was low. He turned to her again and grabbed her hand. This time she didn't resist.
"Why do you think you made them miserable?" She looked at him carefully.
He didn´t answer immediately but seemed pondering what to say.
"Because of my work, because who I am and what I am. Because I thought of nothing but myself and my career." There was again a nuance of pain, not only in his voice but also in his eyes.
"You deserve better, Emily." She laid her other hand above his.
"You think, you´re still that guy?" Her question startled him. He started to pull away his hands, bending forward again, elbows on his thighs.
"I ran out on you. I acted selfish again because I lost control that night."
"Why haven´t you talked to me about this?" She asked laying her arm on his shoulder.
"I´m not a gabby guy." It was the first time that evening Emily chuckled.
Then she sighed, sat back and crossed her legs feeling the tension gradually ease. Warmth emanated from the fireplace and Emily spotted, with wonder, some discreet Christmas decorations: an Advent wreath on the pantry door, some red candles on the mantel and an actual Christmas stocking over the fireplace. She smiled and once more she had this pleasurable tingling in her stomach.
"I´m a coward too." Emily stated, fumbling around with her fingers. Dave just turned his head without leaving his position.
"I was afraid to talk to you too. To tell you what that night had meant to me, my feelings for you and to add insult to injury I considered keeping you in the dark about my pregnancy."
Dave glanced at her. Then he leaned over taking her in his arms and for awhile they just held each other, savoring the fragrance, the warmth, the beating of the others heart.
When they let go, their eyes locked. Emily raised her head and Dave kissed her tender and slow, which was all what she wanted for the moment, tasting and inhaling, just enjoying their new found closeness.
"And now?" She asked when they ended the kiss. She was anxious to end the remaining uncertainty.
"I´m still scared as hell. Feeling a bit out of control . In particular now knowing what the result of our steaming-hot night is."
"You called the baby a result?" She tilted her head away, frowning.
"Oh, come on Emily, please, don´t give me a hard time." Dave retorted, didn´t let her pull away. She put her head against his chest.
"I wasn´t talking about the baby. The baby is a very important part of that night. But not the only part.
"What do you mean by that?" She mumbled against his shirt.
Dave took hold of her chin, gently lifting her face to him.
"I´m in love, Emily. I never thought it would happen again, maybe I haven´t allowed it to happen for a long time."
"And now you do?"
"Yes. I love you." His voice was gentle and a warm smile on his face when he probed her face.
"Help me not screwing it up this time." He held her tightly against him.
"I will." She beamed at him.
"I love you, too." Her voice low but strong, a deep feeling of warmth and affection spread out inside her. She had probably never said something more true.
"And you are not in any way the man you maybe were in the past. I never met anyone a little like you." She kissed him and this time it was a kiss of passion and love, making a pledge to their future.
For the rest of the night, they talked about their past and their future. And of course about the baby. They discussed names, toys they should give the child, and potential themes of the nursery.
They held hands, hugged and stole kisses, but mostly they just enjoyed each others company, until they fell asleep on the couch covered in a woolen blanket.
Sometime in the middle of the night, Dave woke her and led her to his bedroom, only to take her in his arms again after removing her shoes and slacks. Spooning, Emily savored his warmth behind her and the shelter of his strong arms. With a long, happy sigh she dropped off to a deep, badly needed sleep.
Their lovemaking in the morning was careful, gentle and sensitive, as it were like a first time two loving people come together.
"Are we together now?" Emily whispered when they laid in bed together still a bit breathless. She had her head against his shoulder.
Dave shifted a little and kissed the tip of her nose.
"Forever."
The evening of the Christmas party for the BAU was usually hosted in one of the larger conference rooms. Everyone was eager about the season, a moment to repress the severity of their profession. There always was a sumptuous buffet, punch and egg-nog, and in almost every doorway, a mistletoe.
It was also traditional the team met later for a glass of wine. This year, they met up in David Rossi´s office.
Dave had already put up glasses for Prosecco. A small tree sat on his desk and gifts were placed underneath it.
Emily fidgeted with her napkin when one by one of her team entered the room chatting about their little gifts they had already exchanged and gossiping about who kissed whom under the mistletoe.
When the team was together, Dave carefully poured the Prosecco in the glasses and handed out one to everyone, except to Emily. Her glass contained sparkling water and he winked at her conspiratorially when he handed it to her. She gave him a smile then she glanced around to see if someone had watched their little exchange. As far as she could see no one had.
Hotch was the first one to give a speech. In his so typical stoicism, he thanked the team for their work and their loyalty which render possible their good solve rate. When sharing holiday toasts, Emily exchanged some knowing glances with JJ..
"Everything is going to be alright." JJ murmured in her ear. Emily just rolled her eyes.
"Let´s hope so!" she whispered back.
Then Dave tapped a fork against his glass. Emily started to sweat, knowing what he would reveal about their relationship and their little secret.
They had agreed to tell the team as soon as possible, before her pregnancy advanced and was undeniable. The rumor mill worked overtime anyway and they weren´t inclined to feed into it some more.
Everyone looked at him awaiting his speech.
"My friends, first I want to second Hotch´s words. We´re a damn good team and each of you make a major contribution to it. It feels good to be part of it." He raised his glass to them. "Thank you. Happy Holidays." Once again they exchanged toasts and good wishes, when Dave cleared his throat and spoke up again.
"Just one more moment, please. I have something else to say." He rubbed his hands then smoothed his dark hair, his inner tension evident.
"Something really important happened in my...," he beckoned Emily over, "in our lives."
Garcia clasped her hand over her mouth bouncing up and down. "Oh my God! Oh my God!" came through her fingers when Dave laid his arm around Emily´s waist, pulling her close.
Emily smiled at him, and then turned to her colleagues. Her nervousness dissipated with the feeling of Dave´s arm around her and seeing all the approving and smiling faces of the people, who meant so much to her.
"We´re going to have a baby." Dave let drop the bombshell without any more preamble.
Garcia let out a long squeak then hugged them both vehemently. Morgan flashed his teeth in a wide grin giving them a thumbs up. Even Hotch had a wide smile on his face, nodding approvingly. Only Spencer looked a bit awkward, but gave them also a hesitant thumb up.
When JJ hugged them, she said smilingly, "See, I told you everything will turn out right."
"Thank you, JJ." Emily gave her a grateful hug back.
"Emily?" She heard Dave´s voice, but it wasn´t right behind her anymore. When she turned around, her heart skipped a beat.
Dave was down on one knee looking up at her, holding out one hand.
"Emily, will you marry me? I´ve done some really stupid things in my life, but I´m absolutely sure, that having you as my wife and raising our child together, is the most intelligent thing I can do." His brown eyes were dark with emotion and Emily believed, they were a bit glassy. But her own eyes were filled with tears now too as she threw herself into his arms.
"Yes, Dave I will." She said all smiles giving him small kisses all over his face.
"Yes." A kiss to his nose. "Yes." Another press of her lips to his chin. "Yes, I will." Now she found his mouth and kissed him senseless.
"You know what, Emily?" He asked, when they pulled apart. His voice was hoarse with emotion.
"This is the best and most perfect Christmas present I´ve ever got." His eyes locked with hers.
"A wife and a baby."
"A family." In his dark brown eyes, she could see his unconditional love.
"I thought this would never happen to me. I never allowed myself to believe it ," he murmured in her ear.
"Merry Christmas, Dave. And a Happy New Year!" Emily whispered back, desperately wanting another deep kiss.
"And beyond." He said, his lips brushing against hers before they gave into another passionate kiss accompanied by the applause and whistle of the team.
