Visible and invisible scratches

"You're angry," Cameron stated, not knowing what else to say to get Sarah's attention as she had ignored her for several minutes.

Sarah didn't respond, she didn't even look at the terminator and continued to smash her fists into the sandbag rapidly.

"Why are you angry?" Cameron wanted to know. "I do not understand your reaction to the events of the day. You should be happy."

Finally Sarah desisted from the sandbag and lowered her arms. "Happy?! I fuckin' died today!" she yelled, her face red and sweaty.

Sarah had stormed over to Cameron and stood now directly in front of her, clearly invading her personal space as if she was trying to intimidate the terminator. "Even as it was only for a minute or two… I was dead!"

Her fists were still clenched, hanging at her sides. Blood was dripping from her knuckles onto the floor, but she didn't notice it and she surely didn't care. She hadn't tapped her hands on purpose.

Cameron lowered her gaze, looking at Sarah's hands and then at the drops of blood on the ground, her disapproval showing in a slight frown. The video sequence of how she had reanimated Sarah, first with CPR and then with electric discharges through her hands, played in a small window frame on the right side of Cameron's visual field.

Sarah continued, the rage in her voice mingled with sadness, "And when I felt that I was dying… I was relieved. It meant no more fighting, no more running and hiding. The weight of being responsible for the future was taken away from me." She took a shaky breath, tears were burning behind her eyes and her throat constricted. "I'm angry because for a second, I was glad that it all was over for me… that it wasn't my fight any longer."

Cameron processed Sarah's words and concluded with a tilt of her head, "You are angry at yourself."

Sarah turned away from the terminator, squeezing her eyes shut to keep the tears at bay. She had gotten the dark confession off her chest, but she didn't want to talk about it and certainly not with Cameron.

After several moments of silence Cameron left the garage without another word. It was a further proof to Sarah that Cameron didn't feel, foremost not compassion. Some tears escaped and streamed down her cheeks, leaving a wet trail on them.

****

Only a couple of minutes had passed when the door to the garage opened again.

Even though Sarah had her back turned towards the door she knew it was Cameron, the distinct footfalls had given her away.

A small hand with fingernails painted in light pink lay down gently on Sarah's right shoulder.

"You are not alone in this fight, Sarah. You do not have to carry the weight alone," Cameron said with conviction, letting her fingers trail down Sarah's arm until she had reached her wrist. She took a step around the other woman and raised Sarah's hand to inspect the bleeding scratches.

Seeing the wounds Sarah had caused deliberately on herself made more tears trickle down her face. She had wanted to punish herself for feeling relieved when she believed she was about to die. And she had wanted to feel pain to make sure she was alive.

Cameron let go of Sarah's wrist and placed the first aid kit, which she had gotten from the kitchen, on the wooden work bench beside her. Sarah wasn't looking at her, but Cameron placed some fingers under her chin and lifted it somewhat. "I can help, Please let me."

The End