Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters of Avatar: The Last Airbender. I'm merely a fan who is using the show as a backstory. My story hopes to fill in gaps that the show has yet to cover.
I'm quoting Linkin Park's song, "Numb" to open up my chapters. Thank you Linkin Park and the amazing production team of Avatar. Here we go…please remember you safety helmet! .-a/n
PART 1: JUST CAUGHT IN THE UNDER TOE
Chapter 1:
Tired being what you want me to be…feeling so faithless.. lost under the surface….
Goodbye my boy…. He thought once the flames engulfed his son's corpse. He silently sat and watched how the flames ate the poor child's remains. He was completely unaware of the gentle but firm hands placed on his shoulder and was deaf to the condolences of his comrades. All that existed was the embalmed, sheet covered corpse that slowly was devoured by the flames. Tears burned his eyes and he pulled every facial muscle tight to stop them from falling. I can't cry for my boy now…
The gentle suggestions from his comrades to leave the cremation site failed to land on his ears. My first mistake was letting him leave for battle….does that make me responsible for his death?…Iroh continued to stare at his son's flame kissed remains, wishing he somehow saved his son's life. Lu Ten was all he had. Such a beautiful, brave, kind, strong, child he was. His eyes and mind were too young for the horrors of battle…17 years old….still a boy….How could I have let him fight!? Iroh found his legs and knees pushed his body off the sitting cushion to a standing position. Iroh's body felt glued to the ground only 10 meters from his son's fire soaked remains.
"The service is over, sir. We should return to base camp." Takahiro, his trusted advisee kindly whispered.
"I….can't go now. I…I need more time. Leave me with my son…please." Iroh stuttered quietly and barely noticed his advisee bow in obedience out of the corner of his eye. He barely heard the sound of crushed leaves under his War Council's feet as they left the cremation site. His chest ached as he tried to restrain the wave of sobs from reaching him. Iroh's longing gaze never left Lu Ten's remains. The flames multiplied and danced in the pink dusk laden sky. The remains seem to shrink under the flames' command. The stench of burned and rotting flesh swallowed the fresh air around him. Iroh slowly noticed the strange and unexpected void left at his side. Absent was Lu Ten's physical presence that used to warm his father's side with laughter, tears, and support.
The only heat Iroh sensed was the low flame of his own soul, smothered by his mourning heart. Again he struggled to keep his hot tears from falling. Iroh failed to feel any hot anger around his son's passing. Soon he realized that the only company he had was Lu Ten's remains. Lu Ten always feared the day of my funeral…why did his come first?…Some father am I..I can't even protect my own son. Iroh finally gave into the seductive sensation of falling tears….Good bye my only flesh and blood..
He fell to his knees as the tears dropped to the dead leaves beneath him. "LU TEN!" the father's pitiful scream penetrated the chilly autumn, smoke engulfed air.
The council men nearly jumped when they heard their leader's anguished scream from a few hundred meters behind them Takahiro stopped, wiped away a tear with as much grace he could muster. He continued back toward the base camp with the sympathy of a brother.
Iroh swiftly walked out of council tent and barely heard the council members yelling and demanding his return. His feet unconsciously headed towards the woods. His heart finally gave into the soul eating impulse that began in his three day meditation to leave this place that painfully reminded him of Lu Ten. My Boy would have been honored by my decision…Iroh finally felt a slight comfort of relief from the tension around his heart only three days after his son's cremation. It was as if his feet were leading him to freedom. The dead leaves crunched as his quick pace turned to a jog. His destination finally came into view.
Iroh unconsciously replayed the dismal scene his mind's eye again and again as his tiring feet carried him to the top of the forest cliff where he designated his place for meditation 603 days ago. His feet finally stopped running and he bent over trying to catch his breath. I'm getting too old for this crap…For the first time he felt free of Military's expectations for him to forget his mourning heart and resume "normal business".
His feelings of love, frustration, anger, anxiety, despair flooded his body to awaken the part of his soul that died when his son passed. This cliff edge was the only place he was able to feel balanced and free during this ugly siege of Ba Sing Se. He looked up to the beautiful morning sky and raised his arms to thank the Gods for the end of this slumber of mourning his soul fought since he received the letter 5 days ago that narrated Lu Ten's death.
His aging body collapsed to the ground and he wearily positioned his legs into the lotus pose.Iroh's eyes tried to shut out the shaking of his body that nearly ran up the hill. Only through cleansing breathe did he feel a break from the tension of war and his son's passing.
The kind release of meditation allowed him to think clearly process and review the sudden events of the morning report. He embraced the calming drop of his consciousness and the slowing of his breath. His memory did the rest.
With a still frustrated belly that wasn't satisfied by Iroh's minimal attempts at eating breakfast, he walked towards the meeting tent. His belly cried sour against his abnormal lack of appetite in the last three days after LuTen's service. His old sense of purpose pushed him through the tent's entry way.
As usual, he was one of the last to arrive given the solace his title assumed. "HAIL GENERAL IROH!", his council members shouted customarily like every other morning as they all bowed lowly to him. This marked the end of three day mourning period the council had imposed on Lu Ten's behalf.
Iroh had spent last three days sacrificing speech, sleep and food. He had been exhausted by the battle his mind had with his soul. His military training that had begun at the age of ten taught him to surpass his feelings and focus on his duty to his country. His heart pleaded with him to feel his loss while his mind reminded him of the precious time he had to "get over it and act like you are the Dragon the West!". He cried himself to sleep at night and fire bended his loss and rage every morning before he settled down for meditation that lasted all day. The damn curse of fire never relieved his angst. The solider of his mind would beat the side of heart that only wanted to commit suicide and be with Lu Ten. He was soaked by the overwhelming storm of feelings of loss, anger, despair, fear, sadness, and confusion!
Iroh purely thought he was going insane when he saw Lu Ten's ghost appeared to him every night and sat by his bed. Lu Ten's translucent eyes beseeched him to seek peace. For a moment when Iroh tried to see the purpose of his son's visitations, his rage would scare the ghost away. The rage would burn when the solider in him demanded him to "act like man" and get over this pitiful mourning. When dawn struck, Iroh found his clothes soaked and his head dizzy from the battle between his heart and mind. No wonder why he couldn't bring himself to eat this morning.
Iroh gave an unconscious small bow of his head to return the greeting without much expression on his normally tranquil face. All morning the soldier in him demanded him to remember his duty. He averted the gaze of his loyal council. He barely found his normal cushion in front of the council and seige leadership. Iroh blank gaze broke his normally pleasant face. Takahiro sat at his right and proudly took in a deep breath.
"We gladly welcome back the Dragon of the West! We continue our fearless and resistant occupation of Ba Sing Se." the young Captain of Offensive Battle Strategy, loudly shared with his fellow council members, "It seems that a small band of Earth Kingdom soldiers still pathetically are trying to defend its city. We will likely squash any of those poor-excuse for soldiers." The council members darkly snickered and laughed at young captain's remark.
Takahiro smirked in pleasure with their response. After what seemed to be an hour but only a few seconds, he glanced at Iroh who was to suppose to give his opinion of what the next steps would be for today. His proud feeling changed quick as he blinked hard when Iroh's mouth failed to respond to the cue. He tried to suppress his flow of anxiety as he glanced at the faces of the council members as they grew weary with the pause.
Iroh stared blankly ahead seeming to be unshaken by the nervous silence in the air. He had been semi-aware of the meeting occurring around him and a prisoner of his own thoughts. He had never felt this numb or lost before. "General…General the council would like to hear your thoughts," hissed the captain. The General failed to respond to his cue and the Captain leaned over tapped the old man's left arm.
As if awakened from a long slumber, Iroh suddenly regained awareness of the eager stares focused on him. Iroh felt his legs pick his body up from the ground and he stood before his comrades. Takahiro looked up graciously and relieved as the old man finally seemed realize that he was holding the attention of whole tent. Iroh let out a loud sigh and felt trance-like when he announced "I think I'm going home". Jaws dropped and confused looks met the General's statement. He turned to gather his belongings and Takahiro quickly shot up and painfully grasped his shoulder. Iroh seemed aloof to the rising heat in the young fire bender's grasp.
The captain angrily spun Iroh away from the confused and angry stares of the council. Takahiro's sneer failed to sway the old man blank eyes. "What is wrong with you?" hissed hotly Takahiro. "I understand you are still in mourning but in case you forgot, sir, we are in the middle of 600 day campaign!"
Iroh slowly nodded to the captain's comment and turned to the council. The council members with seasoned respect restrained their comments of the old man's curious behavior. Iroh stood in front of the council with a vacant look in his eyes. As if on autopilot, Iroh stated somewhat distantly, "I'm weary of this fight. My homeland is calling. I'll be leaving tomorrow morning." A silent shock wave quickly spread in the room as Iroh silently bowed to Captain Takahiro and exited the tent.
The council erupted in slanderous remarks. "Has he gone Mad?" yelled one.
"He's a fifthly coward! He's leaving all of us in the height of the Seige!" hissed another.
"Lord Azulan will burn him to a crisp for this!"
Takahiro frozen in fear and confusion as he watched Iroh briskly walked out of the tent. He couldn't move or react to the eruption of yells and scuffling in the tent. What has happened to that old man?! He's Completely Lost His Mind!!!
A/N:
I have to admit, I been a bit selfish and slow with this story. I'm an avid reader of fan fic and was scared to submit this for about a month. I had a bit of writer's block over the holidays but this last week my little muse of inspiration (thank you darling) kicked me in the butt and I am finally submitting.
Enjoy and let me know what you think…:)
