A/N's at the bottom

Disclaimer: I don't own The 100


Tell me. Tell me Lexa that we have not done this for nothing. That these lives weren't for nothing.

She was silent.

Only time will tell, Clarke of the Sky People.

Run. She had to keep running for as fast as her legs would carry her. In the back of her mind she knew Lexa was watching her. Watching her run back in to the village that might possibly be aflame in minutes, seconds even. Maybe love really was a weakness. Maybe as she ran back to save her mother, she really would die. Wouldn't it be foolish of her to have let everyone die and she herself die because she ran back? Foolish indeed.

She wouldn't leave her. Not her mother. She couldn't have that blood on her hands. Not when Clarke knew that she was drowning in the others. So she ran as fast as her feet would carry and prayed to God that she made it in time.

Because if she didn't… she really was an idiot. She only hoped Lexa would forgive her.

And then the world was lit white. And the screams began.


"Clarke! Clarke!" There was just ringing. She stumbled back in pain. Everything was spinning as well. Where was she? Where happened? A pair of hands gripped her shoulders. They kept shaking her, but everything was ringing. And then there were the screams. Open your eyes Clarke. It wasn't real though. As long as she didn't open her eyes it wasn't real.

"Clarke! Please!" Green eyes popped open. Her mother was above her and everything came back to her. Clarke had found her mother minutes before the missile hit. She had grabbed Abbey and ran despite all the protests and despite all the attempts of questioning. They couldn't die. The duo had been right outside the camp when it hit. And then it had merely been a sensation of flying.

Abbey's eyes were filled with tears, but they were both still alive. She ignored any pleas and the pain in her chest to sit up. The dizziness in her head didn't disillusion the black fog that overtook the whole area. It didn't take away the giant hole in the ground or the fires that lit the forest. It didn't stop the people in the village dying or the ones running to find those still alive. It didn't stop the fact that she had known.

What have I done?

Clarke didn't know what to do and when she turned and looked at her mother she knew. Abbey looked at her daughter now that she was reassured of her safety. Blood ran down the side of her face and the desire to run back, to help was overwhelming. What she was thinking wasn't possible. Not her daughter.

"How did you know?" Her voice sounded hoarse. The smoke inhalation would be bad. She might have a concussion. But maybe that was just the shock? The disbelief? She was wrong. Abbey had to be wrong. "How did you know Clarke?"

Clarke couldn't speak. She opened her mouth to say words, to say something, but nothing came out. Because what the hell was she supposed to say? Octavia, Lincoln, Kane…

"You knew." The accusation came out harsh. It wasn't a question. It was a fact.

Clarke looked up and met her mother's eyes. Eyes that looked so much like hers, that had always been proud of her. There was only disappointment now. And anger. There was so much anger. She wanted to curl up in a ball. She wanted to hide away in a hole and never come out. She wanted to take it all back.

She could have saved them. All of them.

"How could you?" Abbey's voice was rising. "How could you leave them to die! You could have saved them."

"…I had to." Clarke whispered. She was working on auto-pilot at this point. "I didn't have a choice." The desperation that clawed at her voice made her feel weak. She was so weak. She was weak because it had never hurt this much. Clarke couldn't guard her heart against this. There was nothing that had ever prepared her for this.

"Tell me this was Lexa. Tell me that it wasn't you."

It was. It was all Lexa. She had wanted to tell them, to save them all. But that wasn't the truth and she couldn't lie to her mother. Not again and not after this. Her voice failed her, but the slight nod of her head was enough to know. It was enough to be ashamed and to be sorry and to question everything she had ever done. But that was the truth and that was now the weight of the burden on her shoulders. When the look of disgust overcame Abbey's face, Clarke felt loss.

And she knew loss is what she would feel for a long time. That this aching and deep sense of regret would stay with her for the rest of her life. It would never go away.

"I don't know who you are anymore." And then she was gone. Abbey left her there to go do what Clarke knew she should have as well. She went back to save the people that could be saved. To explore the carnage that Clarke had left in her wake as leader.

"Clarke!" The shouted whisper came and Clarke was forced to tear her eyes away from the remains of tondc. Shadowed and cloaked she stared into the brown eyes of Lexa. She had come back. Why? The blonde didn't move when the Commander grabbed her. Brown eyes raking her body for injury.

"What have we done?" She finally choked out needing an answer, needing something to hold her steady.

"We can't be here. We have to go." When Clarke still refused to move, Lexa hissed. "Now."

Clarke pushed the Commander off. Anger filled her body. It was a default, to deny everything. "We could have saved them Lexa. We knew! We knew and we did nothing!" She could feel her heart rate soar; feel her pulse beat through her entire body. Everything was hypertensive, Clarke felt everything.

Lexa turned facing her sky counterpart. Her face was still impassive although Clarke didn't miss the way brown eyes would glance angrily at the burning village. "We didn't have a choice."

"We had a ch-"

"We didn't have a choice!" Lexa said with finality. And Clarke knew she was right. She knew they had made the right decision, but it didn't stop the pain. Is this what a leader was? "And if we go back now then it will have been for nothing Clarke of the Sky People. They will have died for nothing."

"Is that supposed to make me feel better Commander?"

"It is supposed to help you realize when you make foolish decisions. What happens when we go back and they send another missile? What will happen then? To win a war you must be willing to lose a battle. We did what we had to do." Lexa grabbed her hand and pulled knowing they had to move.

"The mountain men, I want them dead. I want all of them dead." And for a moment the Commander just stared at the Sky Princess. Blood demanded blood. But that was not their way. The anger that filled green eyes wouldn't be dissuaded. Lexa knew all too well of that kind of pain. The pain that only war could cause, and the scars that they left were ones that never faded. No matter how much time may pass.

She nodded though. Because for all that she knew was wrong, she was a grounder and at heart that is where her loyalties screamed. Blood demanded blood, cried for it. She would avenge her people. There would be no mercy for this. Not from her.

When the gun pistols fired in the distance, she watched as Clarke whipped around. Fury flashing in her eyes. Someone was attacking the remaining survivors. "The sniper."

"We have to leave."

"We have to find him." Clarke insisted.

Lexa was impassive. "And if he finds out we're alive? He'll radio back and this was all a loss."

"He won't." The Commander frowned. "Because I'm going to kill him."


The gunshot fired. They had hid behind the giant boulder. Clarke couldn't breathe. She couldn't feel anything but the anger that burned in her body. Lexa's lithe frame fit into the side of her and all she could feel was the blank stare of the Commander. How? How could she be like this? Did she not feel it to? Clarke couldn't be the only one to feel this immeasurable despair.

Because of them. Because of the mountain men.

It wasn't fair. Clarke felt everything and she felt nothing. Love was weakness.

They had found Lincoln somewhere along the way. The grounder offered a temporary relief of the tragedy. And when Octavia's name had been said, when her safety had been confirmed, it felt like a stone had been lifted from her chest. The boulder that sat in its stead though was never any lighter. He had to die first. They had to pay and then everything could be okay again. She could be Clarke again.

The Sky Princess turned her head to try to get a better look only to feel the bullet whizz by her cheek. She hissed in pain.

"We need someone to draw the fire." Lexa said.

Lincoln immediately stepped in. "I'll do it."

"No." Clarke said without a second thought. "I'll do it." She didn't wait for a response or confirmation. She just stepped out and began to shoot. She never missed. She wasn't as good as Kane or Bellamy, but she had learned and she had survived. She wasn't the same girl that fell from the sky in a ball of flame. She wasn't afraid to kill. Not anymore.

She didn't pay attention when Lincoln ran out and went the backside. She didn't stop when the grounder jumped the man without a hazard suit breathing air he didn't deserve to breathe. She watched in slow motion as they fought. As Lincoln brought his elbow into his face, when the man brought out the knife and slashed at Lincoln.

When he pulled out the frequency siren Clarke knew Lincoln had lost. The pitch that had the grown man curling into a ball was still beyond her comprehension, but in the back of her mind she knew they would need something to solve that eventually.

The man pulled up Lincoln with the knife held at his throat. She could see the blood being drawn. She raised her gun in a straight shot. "Come any closer and he dies."

Lincoln looked at her and all she could see was Octavia and all the lives they had already lost. But when she looked at the Mountain Man all she could see were the friends locked away and sentenced to death. The bone marrow treatment a quick fix to selfish people who took everything when they deserved nothing. "Clarke shoot. Save your people."

Lexa said nothing. There was no advice when she needed it. No guidance or dismissal from her when Clarke would have welcomed it. The Commander was useless to her. Always judging her for who she was and not who she could be. Be happy! Praise her! Because Lexa was right. There was no room for weakness.

But a heart could still beat despite the wish for it not to.

"You are my people."

She shot the gun. It tore through Lincoln's shoulder and through the heart of the Mountain Man. She could only faintly hear the yell of pain from the grounder. Her eyes were glued to watching a dead man fall. His body hit the ground and she knew he was gone. Dead before he hit the ground. He had deserved it.

Lincoln glanced at her only momentarily. "Good shot." Before taking out his horn and blowing it. She had no doubt that people back at the village had heard it. They were safe.

The Commander walked up to her and the look on her face was all Clarke needed to see to know. Lexa had known what she was going to do. It was still all a lesson. She didn't want them. She didn't want this. The blonde couldn't stop the tears that rolled down her face. Because for the first time she realized it was all too much. And from here there was no going back to the way things used to be.

"Did that make you feel better?"

Clarke holstered her gun and began the trek back down the mountain.

"No."


A/N: A little short, but just a prelude to how I plan to continue the story. At this point it'll diverge off the regular plot of the show hopefully, but this is where I wanted to start it off from. I hope you enjoyed it and there's going to be a lot more interaction from Clarke and Lexa from here.

I think they're both fascinating characters and I'm excited to play with their dynamics a little bit. Reviews are welcome and the next update should be up soon. See ya,

Chasing Fantasies