Rhys… Rhys was dead. I couldn't feel anything, all I knew and loved was gone… and it was my fault. I felt the tears streaming down my face. They were hot, angry, and sad but I was barely aware of them when I was so focused on the shattering of my heart. My poor Rhys, he was so blind to all of this. Maybe if I had been honest with him from the beginning, none of this would have happened. I'm sitting on this chair, holding his cold, bloody hand. Tosh is talking to me and I just glare. How dare she try to even tell me how sorry she was and she didn't even know him! None of them knew him and yet they try to console me. Try to console me when this was their fault… no! it was Owen's fault because his stupid ass just had to be reckless to bring back a love that was lost before it was even found; and there was that white hot anger again, roaring within me like an uncontrollable storm.
Before I could even process what was happening, my hands were at Jack's chest and I was pounding away. Screaming all of my hurt and pain, placing the blame on him and I just couldn't stop. I threw my weight behind every punch and I could feel him trying to restrain me, but I refused to be taken down. I put up a good fight, but I was so tired and the tears wouldn't stop now as he slowly wrapped his arms around my waist and held me to his chest like a child. He slowly stroked my hair and whispered in my ear that everything would be okay and how sorry he was. He continued whispering about how much of a good man Rhys was and how lucky he was to have had me as his lady. Out of everyone in that room, he was the only one who had even remotely gotten to know Rhys in the short time I had worked at Torchwood. With those words, I sobbed harder and clung to his neck and I could feel his shirt growing moist under my face but he didn't flinch, he only held me tighter. I felt my body become weightless as he picked me up and I felt him ascending the stairs to the main platform.
I was barely aware of Owen storming down the stairs past us, assuming he turned around, and now he was yelling at me and I couldn't even muster the courage to say anything at that moment. I could only lift my head and glare at him. I glared at him with hatred in my eyes and I felt that with that look I could transfer all of my pain towards him.
"Don't you dare say anything to me. This is your fault! Your fault because you had to go and be so bloody stupid and open the fucking rift! You couldn't wait and try to find another solution!" I screamed at him, hopping out of Jack's arms and trying to charge at him.
Jack's calm hand grabbed my hand and held me there. He was like a rock to me, he was truly worried about what I might do, and hell, so was I if I were being completely honest with myself, but of course I wasn't because I snatched my hand from his and charged Owen anyways.
I drew my fist back as far as I could and put my entire being into that hit. I got him with a right hook square in his jaw and I drew back again for another hook but he grabbed my fist in his hand and looked me dead in the eye and pushed my back. I screamed out in rage and just flailed, I kicked him and kneed him and punched him some more before Jack and Ianto stepped in, pulling me off of him.
"Don't blame me because you're a bloody whore who can't keep her own family safe. I did what I had to do and I would do it all again if I had the chance. Why should you be the only one to find love and keep it, Gwen? WHY?!" he screamed at me.
I stopped in the middle of another attack of him. I took my earpiece off and my badge and gun and threw them in his face.
"Well, I hope you're fucking happy. Rhys, who, didn't know anything about this or anything that I've had to cover up and hide from him, yet he got the doomed fate. You see him lying there, covered in his own blood, Owen, and where's Diane? Where the fuck is Diane right now, Owen? That's right, because while you were trying to save someone who didn't want to be saved, you forgot the part where she left you. So forget you, and forget anything we ever had. I figured you were a friend, someone I could trust and turn to, yet here you are, belittling me by throwing out there that we had sex. But believe me, if I could go back and change what happened I would because it honestly wasn't worth the heartache, sweet-cheeks," I finished, taking a few deep breaths to calm myself before I turned to Jack and Ianto, and smiled a sad smile before walking past them.
I took the visitors way out, not even bothering to look back and see their faces again. It was their fault that this had happened. I was happy with my simple life. I was happy with Rhys before all of this happened. I was content to work as a cop. I wanted to marry Rhys, have a few kids, and work my way up to a desk sergeant and live a simple life, grow old and happy. But now, Torchwood has taken everything from me.
It was a cool day, the wind was whipping hard and blew my hair around my head in a sort of halo. I just stood there, taking in the bitter, cold air. If I could stay in this spot and not exist to the rest of the world, I think I would be okay. But now, now I have to go back to an empty flat. I have to go back to that empty flat and inform his family of what? That their son was brutally murdered by a man who could walk into different eras and for what? I think that's the worst part, the worst part of this whole situation is that I have absolutely no idea why any of this has happened.
I wipe feverishly at my tears and step off the curb into the street. A woman with her two kids smiles at me as her small boy waves enthusiastically. I muster up a small smile and nod as I make my way across the street to my car. I get in after a few feeble attempts with the lock and key and I just sit, staring blankly out at the world beyond my windshield. Where do you go after something like this? I was trained to help people deal with losses like this, but you never really consider that it might happen to you. A knock at my window startles me and Jack slides in beside me in the passenger seat.
"I know this is a hard time for you, Gwen, but you need us to help you get through this. Just come back inside. You can stay in my office but you can't run from this. You can't just give up. Rhys wouldn't have wanted you to give up and certainly wouldn't have wanted you to waist a marvelous right-hook on Owen." He said, taking my hand in his and giving it a soft, reassuring squeeze.
With that, I just lost it. I let my head fall on the steering wheel and I cried. I squeezed his hand as I cried the pain out. As I let the pieces of my broken heart fall from within me and I just cried. I cried for Rhys, I cried for Jack. I cried for all the sadness that this job brings with it and for the people that sign up for this not truly understanding the consequences that come along with it.
"You know, I truly blame Owen for this, but I know in my gut that I shouldn't have beat him like I did," I say with a small chuckle, "But, my god did it feel good. And I want to apologize for hitting you as well. You know, Rhys was the only person I really had. I mean I have friends, and you guys, but he was the only person who really got me I think. And to know that he's gone, well, I just don't know how to cope with it." I say, turning in my seat to see him just staring at me. I can't read the expression on his face, but it's unnerving. I look into his eyes and there's sadness, but not sadness for me, it's like he's there but his mind and heart are elsewhere.
"No, don't apologize to me. Remember Ianto and the whole Lisa ordeal? I was so furious with him about keeping her a secret, but honestly, we would have acted exactly as he had predicted. And when he attacked me? I don't blame him. I would have probably done the exact same thing. I've loved and lost a thousand times, and it never got easier. You're grieving Gwen, you lost your lover and friend, and if you throwing a few punches my way helps relieve that pain that you're feeling, I'll gladly volunteer a thousand times over," he replied, smiling down at me as he lifted my hand and placed a soft kiss on the back of it.
I reached across the divider and hugged him, I hugged him hard and just stayed there until he wrapped his arms around me. In that moment, everything felt right, like it would be okay no matter what tomorrow may bring. I inhaled his scent deeply, smiling to myself as I pulled away and looked up into his eyes, bringing my hand to his cheek.
"Jack Harkness, what you do to me, you'll never know…" and I scrambled up enough courage and I kissed him. It wasn't anything fancy, but it meant the world to me and I felt that it needed to be. Today made me realize that life's too short to not enjoy it and by hell or high water I was going to enjoy it.
He pulled away with a heavy sigh, his chest heaving and his eyes dazzled with an excitement that I had never before seen in him.
"Gwen… Gwen you shouldn't have done that, it's just your emotions driving you to do this and I don't want to take advantage of you. Even though I've dreamed of that kiss for so long, this isn't the right time or place… let's go back in to the others… maybe there's something we can help with instead of snogging a sad woman in her car when she's vulnerable." I just stared at him, like what he had just said was in Chinese or something, and then I laughed, turning away from him and climbing out of my car.
"Gwen… wait up…" was the last thing I heard from him as I ran across the street, only to have it end so suddenly. It happened so suddenly that all I could do was groan and let my screaming muscles and head relax, but something was shaking me and I was growing agitated and I tried to yell at them to leave me alone, all could do was cough. It was a nasty, moist, gurgling sound that came out instead of my words and then there were strong arms around me and a rush of screams and people talking fast. I could make out Owen and Ianto… maybe Tosh was the screaming? And then I heard police sirens and an ambulance, but after that, everything went dark and quiet. It was relaxing and peaceful.
"We have got to do something about this. She can't just die… she can't just die after all of this!" Jack screamed at Ianto, who was pouring coffee into four mugs on a silver tray.
"I know, sir, but what else can we do? If we open the rift again, it could truly make things worse off than they are. Tosh and Owen are doing damage control at the hospital as best as they can for now, but what happens if we open the rift again and more disaster comes from it?" He says, turning around and handing him a cup of coffee before sitting across the desk.
"I… I just can't lose her. Not like this, it's been too long since I've felt this way and I'd rather feel it in the dark and have her alive, even if she's in love with another man. What if we do open the rift and everything goes back to normal, like… like what if it's opened and it's like going back in time to where none of this happened?" Jack slammed his cup down and stared directly at Ianto with hope in his eyes.
"No, no it's too dangerous. I know it's hard, but after Lisa, I learned that the best thing to do for someone or even for yourself is to just let them go and learn to live without them. It's too risky for the greater good." Ianto took a calm sip of his coffee and stared right back at Jack. If anyone knew how much it hurt to let go of someone you loved, it was him. But no good would come from trying to bring Gwen back… it would just be disastrous, and even if it could work, no one was sure of how or when shit would truly hit the fan.
Jack got up and paced the room, mumbling to himself when Owen walked in, grabbing a cup of coffee and leaning casually against the wall.
"I'd reckon that it wouldn't be that bad of an idea to look into opening the rift again. I mean Gwen and I had our falling out and I was so out of line, if anything I would just like to have that chance to apologize… or to even see her smile again," he said, taking a big gulp from his mug and watching Jack's face light up like a tree on Christmas.
"Then it's settled, we'll do it. Call Tosh up here and we'll see if her formula would work to reopen the rift and what the probability of instability would be," Jack replied enthusiastically as he donned his military trench coat again and made his way down the little corridor to the research area of the HUB.
Sitting around the table, laptops out and all hard at work, their fingers flying across the keyboard like fighter jets in the midst of a raid.
"I think… I think I found the way to do this. But I can't be sure. It's just based on the fact if we want to really take the risk or…" Tosh stopped midsentence when she felt Owen and Jack's eyes boring into her from across the table. "Or… I could just stop being bloody foolish and show you what I've found?" she said as she nervously fumbled with her laptop and the projector.
She hooked it up and briefly explained how it would work and that timing was precise. But the biggest risk was that it would backfire and the HUB could potentially be destroyed.
"So what are we waiting for?" Ianto asked, "I mean, if I'm not that comfortable with this, but Gwen didn't deserve that… neither did Lisa, but…" he cleared his throat and took a drink of water and just glanced away from everyone.
"Well, let's go. I'll just need to scan our eyes into the database again to confirm the request… but the only problem is… who's going to scan Gwen's? I don't think I could physically bring myself to look at her in that condition…" Tosh said, her eyes glassy from unshed tears.
"I'll do it…" Jack said, getting up and letting Tosh scan his eye into the system. The rest followed suit as Jack stood, hands in pockets, staring out the glass distractedly. Owen handed him the device and he left the room without a word to anyone.
Usually, the morgue of Torchwood wasn't so full, but with Gwen and Rhys lying on the tables, it seemed like it was just crowded. The air was thick with emotion and cold. His breathing became labored and his eyes burned as he looked at her bruised and battered body lying on the slab in a body bag. It was still so unreal even though he witnessed the whole thing with his own eyes. He let out a soft sob and sat next to her, taking her ice cold hand in his and resting his head down on it. Shaking his head, he kissed her hand and sat up, holding the scanner above her eye, he slowly pulled back the bruised eyelid and let the device record her retina information. A hand was gently placed on his shoulder and he turned to see Ianto's sweet face as he placed a hand on top of his.
"This… this has to be the worst thing I've ever encountered in all my years on this planet." Jack said, standing up and hugging Ianto hard, crying into the crook of his neck as Ianto held him gently, rubbing his back in soothing circles.
"I know, sir, but, if all of this works out in the end, Gwen and Rhys will be back and everything will be as it was. Let's just hope for the best and get back up to help the others…" He replied, moving out of the hug and turning abruptly to go back up to the others.
Joining the rest of the team upstairs, he hands Tosh the scanner device and takes a seat next to Owen.
"So, how exactly will this work? I mean it's one thing to see it hypothetically up on the screen, but to actually have it in real-time, it's kind of nerve-wracking…" Owen asks, crossing his ankles and twiddling his thumbs as Tosh messes around and jimmies a few cords here and there that are connected to the rift tower.
"Well, basically, I needed all of our retina scans to bypass our security procedure that gives us access to the rift tower. Once I've done that, it'll prompt me to reconsider the fact that we are about to open the rift, and of course we'll just ignore that and all of the risks. Once the rift is activated, everything that came from it before 'should' vanish back to their respective times and then our world will go back as if none of this happened. We may have to red-con some of the population, but I don't see a problem with a little damage control here and there. But, I have to say that, if it doesn't turn out as planned, we have to be prepared for whatever may come from the rift… with that said, are we all ready?" she asks, looking around the small room.
A unanimous silent agreement was made and she went about her business, typing in the necessary modifications to the rift tower software and then the earth started to rumble and quake beneath their feet. The blinding light from the tower blasted through the room causing the windows and any glass surface to burst. They all jump and Owen reaches out grabbing Tosh, shielding her with his body as they hit the ground for cover.
"Look out Tosh! Keep your head down!" he screamed at her and glanced around the room as everyone else was ducking and dodging the debris that was falling from the ceiling of the HUB.
There was screeching metal and grating noises coming from all around as the group huddled together to the emergency exit before it was too late. Owen grabbed Tosh's hand and lead her to the door as a piece of scrap metal came down, clipping her arm. She cried out in pain as Owen pulled her close to his body and picked up his pace, hoping the others were following suit behind him.
"I… I can't…" Tosh coughed out, trying to catch her breath as they reached the surface. There were bright lights flashing from the tower and people were screaming in terror as the ground shook ferociously beneath them while they ran. Ianto and Jack came up behind them, pushing them to keep moving. They pushed themselves to extreme lengths until they ran into a dead end where the owner of the time shop was.
"I'm sorry, but I had to. I have you to thank for making this possible. He has risen from the dark places beneath the rift. He has finally been freed… my job here is done." He said, and with that, he was gone.
In the distance you could hear a loud roar and then the terrified screams of the innocent people on the street. That's when an eerie silence fell upon the world and they looked back only to see hundreds of people lying still, dead in the streets. Death had become them in their simplest of moments in their daily lives.
Jack took off in a sprint as he saw the shadowed monster making its way towards them.
"Run! Run as far as you can and don't look back! I'll take care of this. We can't all die today…" he said, turning back to give them a wave and a brilliant, cocky smile. And with that, he was gone, but they sat back watching as the beast followed after Jack.
Tosh tugged on Owen's arm and grabbed Ianto's hand and pulled them towards a shop that was out of the line of fight. They hid in a coffee shop, running towards the back room and grabbing supplies to clean and bandage their wounds up. Ianto sank to the floor and sobbed, his body shaking fiercely as the adrenaline left his body. Tosh took a clean cloth and bottle of water to him and started cleaning a gaping would on his bicep.
"Jack will be alright, Ianto. He always is… and he did it to keep us safe. But now, now is not the time for us to break down and fall apart. We have to keep strong and ride this out for now." she said, smiling warmly at him and Owen came rushing back in with a set of keys and ordered them to follow him.
They piled into the small sedan and drove at record breaking speeds in the direction that Jack went.
"If we could only catch up with him… we can't let him fight this battle alone. Not this time, he's been alone for far too long." Owen muttered to himself as he skid around the corner heading straight for a clearing where the beast stood hovering over. And in the middle of the clearing was Jack, terror and pain etched all over his face as the skidded to an immediate halt and jumped out of the car.
"JACK!" they all screamed as they ran towards him and back up as the beast fell to its knees in front of Jack as he screamed and writhed in pain.
A bright light flashed between Jack's body and the beast and then it was gone and Jack lay limp on the ground. All was still and quiet, it was unsettling. Then they burst into a dead sprint to Jack and shook him but there was no response. He wasn't breathing and his skin was already chill, too chill even for the weather conditions.
Tosh sat back on her heels and Ianto cupped his face in his hands as Owen held Jack on his lap and just stared out into the distance.
"We were too late… All of this, it was for nothing. What do we do now? Let's just say that Gwen does come back… how do we tell her that Jack gave his life to save everyone else? I mean it is to be expected because the man is bloody mad when it comes to suicide missions… but you… ahh hell…" Owen muttered… sitting back and wiping his face with his arm.
Back at the HUB, they placed Jack's body down in the morgue area. The hospital gown hung oddly over his lifeless body, the blue hue to his skin gave him an outta-this-world look that was uncomfortable to really look at.
To say the least, Jack and Owen's idea worked. Gwen met the three of them at the door of the Torchwood building, Rhys standing with her with confusion hidden deep within his features. Owen took Gwen's hand and led her into the building up to her area of the office and left her there with Rhys holding her hand the whole time.
"What in the bloody hell is going on here, Gwen?" Rhys asked after a while, but she just ignored him and watched Owen, Tosh, and Ianto carry the body covered in a white sheet down to the morgue.
She shook her head in disbelief but somehow, deep in her gut, she knew the truth but she just couldn't accept it.
"What had happened Rhys is that you were killed, by an alien. That's what my job is. I fight aliens all day and even sometimes into the wee hours of the morning. And then I died, I was hit by a car making my way back to the building after I left. I was racing ahead of Jack because for a small moment, for one tiny moment in time I felt okay after everything that had happened, and the car came out of nowhere and I was killed. If I can guess the rest, they opened the rift, which is a crack in time and space, it goes right through Cardiff, and that somehow reversed time and everything was sent back and what happened to us never happened. But somehow, something else happened and now Jack, the man who can't be killed is… is… is dead," she finished as the first of many sobs escaped her body. She shook and Rhys tried to comfort her but she shook him off and took off toward where they were taking his body.
She stood at the entrance to the room and looked at Jack's lifeless body lying on the slab and hot tears ran down her face as everyone turned to look at her, their faces distraught and tired. Slowly Gwen made her way to them and sat on the stool that sat by his head. She took his hand and held on like her life depended on it, gently massaging the back with the pad of her thumb, like he'd done to her in the car not even 24 hours ago. She let her tears flow freely as her heart broke into a million pieces again. She wasn't sure if this hurt more or less than when she had lost Rhys, but that didn't matter now. All she could feel was the emptiness in her soul as she realized that he was really dead this time and there would be no miraculous reincarnating of this perfect man.
"Is there anything else we can do for him? Get him a blanket. If he wakes up, I don't want him to be cold or this exposed…" she whispered as Owen and Tosh came to stand by her. Ianto stayed in the corner, his hand covering his mouth as he just stood and stared at his lover's corpse.
"There's nothing we can do. This is it Gwen. We should just let him go. He knew how we all felt about him, and that's all that anyone can ask when their time comes…" Ianto spoke up, with a hint of bitterness lacing his words that were meant to console but all it did was enrage her.
"How… How can you give up on him so easily? He never, not even once, gave up on any of us… He would give his last to save each and every one of us, and that's what he did. But how do we repay him? You talk about just letting him go… no final goodbyes or anything. You're doing nothing to make him comfortable. I won't be the one to give up on him. No… No… I refuse…" she kept repeating that last bit as everyone began to cry softly, grieving in their own ways.
"Gwen… we have to let him go. It's what he would want us to for him. Especially since he is already gone, there's nothing left to do. I don't know, maybe whatever he was being kept alive to do has come and gone and that's why he's not coming back this time… but it's the right thing to…" Ianto began but she cut him off.
"Shut up and get out!" she shouted at them, "You don't know what he'd want. All you guys care about is yourselves. You haven't even taken the time to truly get to know him like I have. So... So just get out and leave me alone with him," she finished in a whisper.
Ianto stormed off, followed by Owen. Tosh stayed for a bit, watching Gwen as she rested her head on Jack's chest and whispered to him. Finally, with a shake of her head, she wrapped her arms around herself and walked up to join the others. But Gwen was barely aware of them leaving her. All that mattered was that Jack would come back to her, that Jack couldn't leave her… not with things so messy and unfinished like that.
Gwen leaned forward, placing a gentle kiss on his chest before sitting back and staring off into the distance. Footsteps clambering down the staircase broke her trance after a while. Rhys walked up beside her and wrapped his arms around her shoulders, kissing her neck affectionately.
"Gwen, love, you best be letting him go now. You've had a long, hard day. Let's go home and get a pizza and watch a movie on the telly for a bit. How does that sound? Rhys asked, putting a little too much cheer into his voice, and that only annoyed her. Why was everyone trying to take her away from him? Jack needed her… she couldn't just leave.
"No… Like I said to everyone else, I'm not leaving him. He's going to wake up and I don't want him to be alone or be locked in that icebox freaking out and lonely. I refuse… just go, Rhys. You go home and watch your stupid telly and eat your stupid pizza," she spat out, shrugging out of his embrace and walking around the other side of the table, fixing Jack's gown and grabbing a sheet to lie over his now ice cold body.
"Gwen for God's sake, I'm your fucking boyfriend. You should be looking after me, I bloody died today and so did you. You're going home to rest and that's it. I won't let you make yourself sick over this dead man any longer!" Rhys said, his voice stern, as he reached out and grabbed her upper arm, pulling her away from Jack and towards the staircase.
That's when she'd had enough. It was enough that people were caring about her and just worried about her health with Jack… but Rhys, no Rhys was taking it to another level all together. She ripped her arm from his grasp and turned towards him, her face murderous with anger.
"You will not talk to me like that Rhys. I'm grieving and I'm looking after my friend. You don't own me and I will do as I please. God, you're so bloody stupid sometimes. Here you are, bossing me around and you wonder why I stay out late at night with work and when we're together it's like I'm not even there… just go. Get out. I don't want you here. I'll come by the flat when I'm good and ready…" she said, spinning on her heel and heading over to the other staircase, marching up them with determination.
She walked to Jack's office and grabbed his one of a kind militia coat and his button down dress shirt along with some slacks and his suspenders, and made her way back down. When she reached Jack again, Rhys was nowhere to be seen and that was just how she'd prefer it to be. It gave her more time to think to herself and it just made her life a little easier.
Gwen sat, watching for any sign of life or reincarnation of Jack, but he looked a little bluer. His once full of life eyes were hollow and there were deep plum colored circles under his eyes and his lips were surrounded by the same color. It was frightening but she couldn't bring herself to look away, so she sat, and talked to him. Told him about how his plan had worked for her and for Rhys. She told him about how happy she was that he fought for her and that she wanted needed him to wake up and come back to her. But some distant part of her subconscious wanted her to know that there was no chance of him coming back, yet she smashed it down with all of her might and kept on ignoring the dreadful truth that seemed more like reality than a small hint of doubt.
She rested her head on his chest and closed her eyes, lacing her fingers through his and running the fingers of her other hand through his lifeless hair.
