A/N: Originally Supposed to be One-shot. I have no idea how it turned into a fic. I have the second chapter up already. The third and final (from Adam's POV will be up soon)


Lucifer Repents

I am aware, that all of you are familiar with my story. The Fallen Angel, the Devil, the one who started the Apocalypse… I am aware of all that. But I wanted to tell you my side of the story.

My father had a very large family. So large, it fit the entire cosmos. But I was always his favourite. An honour. An honour I cherished.

But then came the baby. My father never said he loved the baby more than me, I do not think my father would love anything more than me, but he surely cared for it more. He expected all of us to care for it too. And everyone followed in his footsteps… obedient, never questioning. I didn't. I wanted to know what made the baby special… more special than me. I was an angel… a beautiful angel… more beautiful than all the other creation combined. The baby was filthy… hairless… weak. "Mud monkeys," a brother called them. I couldn't agree more. So how could my father love it more than me?

Then my father left. I do not know where. I blamed the baby, now I know it was wrong of me to, my father never did anything for anyone, and I started hating it. Secretly punishing it when I thought no one was looking. A little push here, a little shove there. It was easy really. The baby was weak… tempestuous… volatile. I merely took advantage of the right opportunities. I do not know why, it doesn't matter anymore, but I enjoyed it when the baby hurt. It made me feel content, happy.

But then the baby started hating me back. It started blaming me for every little thing that went wrong in its life. Each fall, each stumble became my fault. Eventually everyone started believing it, blaming me for the baby's shortcomings.

Until one day, I too snapped. I pushed the baby too far. It fell, it got hurt. Really hurt. For the first time in my life, I felt repent. I hurried out to make amends, but Michael stepped in. He stepped in and took the baby's side. So did Gabriel, but only by looking at me like I was to blame. I was, but when confronted with it I refuted.

We started fighting. Gabriel left, just like our father had. I do not know why, but I blamed the baby again. This time, more than I needed. Until finally, Michael cast me down. Locked me away. Through the news that filtered to me, through the walls of the cage, I learned that the baby still blamed me for all its troubles, and Michael did nothing to prevent it. He went along it. So, I sought allegiance with the corrupt souls of Hell – demons.

Then came him. Dean. Dean Winchester. The boy Michael loved the most. I do not know why, but the mere thought of Michael favouring someone twisted something in me. One of my demons, I detest that word now, had already set a plan in motion to free me. I got a word out that I needed to get close to Dean. My joy knew no bounds when I learned that Azazel, my most loyal, had unwittingly made a deal with Mary Campbell-Winchester and Samuel Winchester had already been selected as one of my potential vessels. And he and Dean Winchester were inseparable.

So I decided to get close to Samuel. He was 13 when I first heard his call. He had a fight with his father and had run away from home. He was praying for angels to watch over him. As my intended vessel we were soul bonded, and I heard his call first. I sent for Azazel who informed me that he had a demon, dressed as a dog named Bones, following the child around. My plan was thwarted when Dean found him and took him back home. Two days later, I was informed that Bones was run over by a truck. I felt regret – I had meant the creature no harm, they just assumed I did.

It wasn't until 9 years later that I heard Sam again, though Azazel had been kind enough to 'keep me posted', as Sam would say, that he was being watched over. I learnt that his fiancée had been murdered by Azazel – I did not like that. Jessica Moore was a decent woman – and he was out seeking vengeance for her death.

His brother, Dean, whom I had come to admire because his loyalty to his family rivalled mine, or rather what mine once used to be, was the only constant in his life. I heard that he and Dean had grown closer, more closer than two humans could. 'Soulmates' they were called. I was surprised, because I was not aware that a human soul could bond so completely with another human. They were as close as Michael and I had once been. I should have known then – I should have left them alone.

But I was blinded by hatred. Then I learnt that Samuel had managed to defeat all the other potential vessels of his generation and emerged a winner, but had lost his brother to Hell. I felt a bit of compassion for his soul – Hell is no place for one of as pure a soul as Dean Winchester. I was then informed that Dean Winchester had broken The First Seal – he had succumbed to his dark side. For the first time, I regretted my 'legacy'. I had expected Dean to last for more than 40 years. But what was done was done.

Then angels entered the picture. I was informed by Uriel, one of the angels from my earlier garrison, who had now aligned with Michael, that Dean Winchester was Michael's intended vessel and he was planning to challenge me. I laughed because I had an unfair advantage over him. Dean would never harm his younger brother. It was the first time in eons that I laughed, the laughter sounded so foreign to my ears.

After that everything was a blur. Dean aligned with an angel named Castiel, Sam… or Sammy, as I had been calling him for a while now… aligned with a demon named Ruby. The Seals were broken at an alarming rate and I waited for the day I would finally be free. Then Dean Winchester, the bone of my contention, found a way out. A loophole, you might say – "Free Will". He made his guard dog, Castiel, rebel against the heavens and as the last seal was broken he found a way to protect his brother once again. I must confess that I have never had more respect for a human before.

I would even have left them alone if Michael hadn't entered the picture. Dean and Sam went separate ways. I found a way to contact to Sam through Jessica because he was shielded from me. Meanwhile Zachariah, Michael's most loyal, showed Dean what the future would be if he did not consent to Michael… a future wherein Sam would eventually agree to me. I must confess that it was the future I hoped for... a future with true paradise. But Dean surprised us once again by truly forgiving his brother… true forgiveness, a trait most do not understand, just like true love. They started fighting alongside each other, facing off both Heaven and Hell time and time again. I truly admired their fierce loyalty towards each other.

But once again, Michael would not let this foolish rivalry rest. I know now he was as blind as me, led astray by those of false beliefs. He started looking for another vessel and found Adam. Adam Winchester, the third brother no one knew about. Michael found a way to get Adam to accept him. I learned the hard way that Michael had no sympathy for humans either; he just wanted to defeat me.

The rivalry intensified. Gabriel stepped in, sided with the Winchesters, and I am extremely ashamed to admit that I killed him. My brother, my most favourite brother, and I slay him like a dog. But it wasn't the time for mourning. Michael had to be defeated. For once, I was fighting for the baby I had spent all my life hating, fighting to protect something I had been meaning to destroy. I was alone in my quest; the demons were acting of their own accord as were the angels. I was not powerful enough in my current visage, Nick was a replacement vessel, as you would say. I had to get Sam to accept me.

Then I learnt that Dean had made a deal with Death. Sam would accept me and Dean would lock us both up back in my cage. I thought it was a strange plan - I hadn't realized Dean would ever let his brother sacrifice himself like this. Maybe their bond wasn't as strong as I believed – and most definitely a foolish one, because Samuel would never have the power over me. How wrong I was on both accounts.

Samuel accepted me – I made sure Nick was alive, and completely healed, and free of my memories, when I left him. I had come to like him - and lost. Michael, as Adam, and I, as Sam, faced off in the Stull Cemetery where our final battle was prophesized. But Dean Winchester managed to surprise us once again. He came to the battlefield. Both Michael and I were shocked. No human had ever dared to face two of the most powerful beings in the creation, let alone threatened them.

Michael told him Adam was long gone, but I knew it to be a lie. I could see the youngest Winchester, cowering in fear beneath Michael's grace. Just as I could feel Sam cower under mine. But when Dean tried to "speak" to Sam, I felt a strong resistance from the human soul… so strong my grace almost faltered under it. I wanted to tell Dean to stop interrupting… I just planned to defeat Michael, then I would leave them alone. Take another, lesser vessel and "see the world" as Gabriel had done. See why humanity had been Our Father's most favoured creation. I felt Sam – Sammy – calming down.

Then it happened. Castiel, the renegade angel popped out of nowhere and burned Michael with holy oil, or "Molotov'd an Archangel with holy fire", as Dean put it. I felt a strong spark of anger… not the feeling of resentment that I harboured towards Michael; this was the anger that stemmed from the feeling that I had failed my brother, the anger that I hadn't felt since my earliest days as a true angel. The same anger I had seen on Dean's face just before he killed Ruby.

I turned towards Castiel, said "no one dicks with Michael, but me", Sam has an interesting vocabulary, and "blew him up". Then I killed Robert Singer, or Uncle Bobby as he was fondly called, an associate of Winchesters. Then I turned to Dean. I assured him that Sammy was watching me hurt his brother. I started hitting Dean and, suddenly, the resistance I had felt when Dean had first walked in was back with vengeance. I was still stronger, and a little resistance from a human soul was of no consequence to me.

But with each snap of Dean's bones, the resistance increased, until something snapped. I was no longer in control. My grace, the most powerful in the entire creation, was no match for the bond between those two brothers. I envied their bond and that only made Sam stronger and more resolute. He opened the cage.

As he prepared to jump in, Michael appeared with Adam, and tried to stop him. But Sam, made stronger by my weakening grace, yanked him in, along with us. As we fell, the door locked behind us.

After that, it was Sam, Adam, Michael and me in the cage. Michael was frustrated… his plan was foolproof. He thought it was. He claimed Adam was too weak and started torturing him. When Sam intervened he started torturing Sam too. Sometimes, I would step in and put them both to rest, make them dream that they were in their heavens… for Sam it was on the road with Dean "saving people, hunting things", for Adam it was with his mother. And when just being around Michael became too much, I would wake them again.

Then the inevitable happened. Dean Winchester, the brother par excellence, found a way to his brother once again. He made a deal with Death and got Sam out, blocking out the memories of Hell, the memories of me. I was angry for a long time. I am ashamed to say that I participated in tormenting Adam along with Michael. I would make him think that he was safe, with his mother, then bam! He was back in the cage, without his haven, with us. Michael stuck to old rack and hooks routine. I was always the more imaginative one, even though it was nothing compared to Gabriel's imagination.

Then one day, when Adam was in a dream and we were discussing newer, more creative ways to torture him that "it hit me". Michael and I had united. We were fighting side by side against a common foe, even if the foe was a weak human boy of 18 years who was no match for either of us. We were strategizing together, just like we had back in the days of the garrison. We were… bonding. I pointed it out to Michael and he was still for a long time. Shocked, you could say. Then he started laughing. Then I started laughing. We laughed for a long time… a very long time. We even let Adam sleep for a while and let him wake of his own accord.

"Hey Luke," Lucifer hears behind him. He looks up from the parchment and quill he conjured up and turns around to look at the slightly built young man with floppy blond hair and greenish eyes that remind him of Samuel. The soul is torn, but the wounds are healing.

"It's Lucifer," he replies patiently. "What do you want Adam?"

"I am bored. Entertain me," is the prompt answer.

"Go to Michael," he replies turning around.

"No," the answer is emphatic. He really is a Winchester, Lucifer thinks. He glares at the boy, and sees him cower under the gaze. He softens the glare, but maintains the eye contact. A little discipline never hurt anybody.

The boy looks in the far corner of the cage, on the opposite side from him. Michael is sitting amidst stacks of Bibles. "He is comparing the different Bibles and rewriting the correct version. He's a dork," the kid says as "Mike" looks from his corner and smiles sympathetically at Lucifer.

Lucifer laughs. He laughs a lot these days. "It helps ease the pain," Adam once told him. "That's how humans deal with tragedies."

"Let me just finish this," he says turning back to his parchment, simultaneously conjuring a pool table in the centre of the cage. "It's how humans like to pass time," Adam had told him. Though he still hasn't seen the point of the game, he plays it because it makes Adam happy. Just like Michael watches Star Wars, even though they both know it's factually impossible.

He is healing, he writes. We all are.

It's a strange sight. Two archangels who fought against each other for all eternity have been united by a single human soul. Maybe this is the reason Father loved the new baby more. Maybe this is the reason why I too love the baby now.

He reads through the letter once more, then places it on the table alongside the quill and the ink-stand. He stands up, steps back and snaps his fingers. The letter, along with the quill and the ink-stand and the elaborately carved Mahogany writing desk and the chair disappear into thin air.

He turns and walks towards the pool table, conjuring a cue stick along the way. Adam has set the table and is waiting for him. He takes his position opposite Adam and lets him open. It's a perfect strike. Adam grins proudly and Lucifer can't help but smile.

It's not heaven, but it's close.