Warcraft III: The Orc Buildings and Units Show
Chapter 1
The audience are choosing seats, while some Terran Marines and Zerg Zerglings are buying tickets
Announcer: Hello everyone, welcome to Ner'zhul's Orc Buildings and Units Show! You'll learn about Orc buildings and units with Marn Thunderhorn the Tauren Chieftain and Ner'zhul the Shaman here. Please wait a few minutes while we prepare the props...
Some Peons are inflating some inflatable Orc buildings on stage
Me: Hey! You've inflated the Burrow inside out!
Peon: Oh crap! I'll correct it really fast...
Marn: I'll help...
Zerg Drone: I'll help inflate the Altar of Storms!
The red curtains slide away
Announcer: We're ready!
Terran Marine 1: Where's Ner'zhul?
Terran Marine 2: Yeah! Where is he?
Me: Right here! Right here!
Paladin: I thought you and Arthas were one?
Me: Oh yes. But now I'm a Shaman again, thanks to the Omega Squadron's machine!
Omega Squadron Marine: Blushes
Marn: Get on with it...
Me: Oh yes. Ahem. We'll start with the Orcish town hall, which is called the Great Hall. Here, Peons are trained. Most Orcs eat and relax here. Mined gold and harvested lumber are stored here.
A Peon points to a fake-looking Great Hall, gold mine and some plastic trees
Marn: Oh yes. Peons mine gold and harvest lumber. I bet it's hard on them...
Peon: Marn, glad you know that...
Audience: What's that noise coming from the back?
Marn: I'll go check...
At backstage, two drones and four grunts are watching The Day After Tomorrow with the speakers on full blast
Marn: HEY! The audience are complaining! Turn the volume down or no TV for you!
Drones and Grunts: Sorry!
Marn goes back on stage
Marn: Where were we?
Me: We've just finished about the Great Hall.
Marn: Oh right. Now we're going to the Orc Bur...
Suddenly Jim Raynor bursts in from the entrance and runs out through the emergency exit. This triggers the fire alarm
Kerrigan bursts in, ignoring the alarm
Kerrigan: Where's Jimmy?
Audience starts running away, thinking it was a real fire
Me: Do not panic, Jim's running through the emergency exit triggered it. There's no fire in here.
Audience: Whew!
Audience sits back down
Kerrigan: What? Emergency exit?
She runs out through the emergency exit
Audience: The noise's deafening! We can't hear!
Me: Grunts, locate the fire alarm panel and push the "Reset Alarm" button. It's red.
Grunts: This thing won't reset...
Me: Lemme try...
Marn: It's still ringing...
Me: Marn, lend me your axe.
Marn: OK!
Me: Holding axe Stand back!
I smash the fire alarm panel repeatedly with the axe. Sparks shower everywhere. Monitoring instruments drop to the floor. The alarm stops ringing
Me: Marn, your axe back.
Marn: Thanks.
Wraith Pilot: Where are you produced, Ner'zhul?
Me: Er... At the Spirit Lodge.
Wraith Pilot: Thanks! Jots down some notes
Announcer: Time's up!
Me and Marn: What?
Announcer: Time's up! It's time for the Protoss Buildings and Units Show!
Me: Oh crap... Audience, admission for the next show is free. Please keep today's tickets for the next show.
On stage, some Zealots are replacing the inflatable Great Hall with a Protoss Nexus
Probes: Robotic voice Neerzhuel, let us lend a hand.
Me: Neerzhuel? It's Ner'zhul!
Probes: Robotic voice Huh? Nuur-Zhuel?
Me: Oh, nevermind.
Marn: Time to go back home!
Me: I'll drive you!
Marn carries the deflated buildings and walks to the car park
Probe 1: Robotic voice Hey, Nuur-Zhuel left his car keys here!
Probe 2: Robotic voice Lets return it to him!
A while later
Me: Crap! Where's my keys?
Marn: What?
Probe 1: Robotic voice Nuur-Zhuel, here's your keys. You dropped it on stage.
Me: Thanks! Hands both Probes a mineral shard
Probes: Robotic voice Thanks, Nuur-Zhuel!
Car drives off
Marn: I love modern technology! This car goes at 120 MPH! In the Warcraft World, the fastest horses only do 40 MPH!
Me: Oh yes. I hardly need to walk. Want to go faster? Steps on accelerator pedal, speedometer needle hits 160 MPH
Marn: AHHHHH! I'm getting motion sickness! Don't crash!
Car slows to 140 MPH
Marn: Why is it slowing down?
Me: Oh crap, I'm out of fuel.
Marn: Yay! You can't go fast! Ha ha! Oh wait, I don't want to push the car!
Me: I have some reserve gasoline in the boot.
Marn: Don't go fast! Please!
Me: I'm going to hit 180 MPH this time!
-----END-----
Me: Eh? So how was that? Chapter 2 comin' soon to a FanFiction.net server near your computer!
