A/N: This is just a little something I wrote up wishing I could meet all the characters of Yu Yu Hakusho. Particularly when I was feeling a bit down about a lot of stuff, and just wished I could start my life over. It's just something I needed to write down, I guess I just needed to vent. Hope you enjoy! ^^'

Edit: My God nothing's changed….I completely forgot this existed and nothing has changed! I mean fuck I was at a mental hospital because of all these shitty feelings, fears, and people in my life! What the hell it's been YEARS AND NOTHING'S FUCKING CHANGED! NOT EVEN A LITTLE!

If I Could Have One Second

I'm so tired of being weak, and getting hurt because of it. I can't stand being miserable all the time because of constant injuries to both the body, and the mind. How am I supposed to deal with it, how can I get by when I can hardly handle the pain. I want to be stronger; I want to learn to fend for myself. I just want to remember what it's like to not be in pain. If I could meet the Yu Yu Hakusho characters, and I mean all of them, then maybe I could deal with the pain. I constantly think, "How can I possibly complain when they've been through so much worse?" I wonder why it is, that I think they would accept my reasons. If I were to meet them, what reason would they have to listen? Could I possibly convince them to hear me out, and if they did could I convince them to help me. They aren't bad people, and they definitely believe in giving someone a chance. However, when they hear me complain about such trivial matters, why would they? Oh, it's not the only reason I would want to meet them. I've many others, like to tell them how many times they've saved my life. Or how I look up to them, and try to follow their examples. How I love their sense of humor/justice, and even their cruelty and seriousness when it's needed. I would go through anything, just to get rid of the pain; but so far, my best solution is to meet them. I constantly think, "If I were in the Yu Yu Hakusho World…" So many things could be possible; I might actually have some freedom. I could actually gain a friend or two that I could trust, and wouldn't turn on me. I'm tired of constantly being used, and of ending up with a broken heart. I can't stand this crap anymore, I just want to escape. Isn't it sad, when you feel that your SHOWER is the only way for you to be alone; the only way to have some time to yourself, and think? That your flipping shower is your only means of escape. Why do I constantly feel like I'm alone, and forever abandoned. I don't feel like my parents are here for me, I feel as though I can't tell them anything. I always have to hide from them; I fear their scowls and disappointed shaking of their heads. That constant image haunts me, it angers me to no end and only gives me reason to keep to myself. If I do, then my parents act all hurt because I can't trust them. How many times have I held a knife to my heart or an open bottle of pills in my hand, ready to take them all? Why is it that the only reason I'm still alive, is because of a single thing Kurama said? Isn't it sad, that I felt the need to run away from home in hope of someone murdering me, just because I was afraid to do it myself at one point? I'm no longer afraid of death, I welcome it. Because when I die, I'll finally be able to leave this place. I'll finally be in heaven. But if I could somehow convince them to help me, even though I have no right to even speak to them, then I could start over. If there was actually a time in my life where I wasn't slouched over with my head down, and I stood tall and proud afraid of nothing. If I could have one second where I didn't feel weak, just one second where I felt I had a good life. Only one second, when I had a friend I could truly trust. If I could have one, only one, just one…that one lone second, where I could be free.