Chapter 1 – Birthdays and Letters


"Happy Birthday, dear Cathy. Happy Birthday to you!"

One-year-old Cathy North looked at the cake covered with white frosting and strawberry freezer jam for a split second before grabbing a fistful of it and shoving it into her mouth.

The adults around her beamed. Hayd laughed – hardly holding her new camera still enough to take good photos while Lucas tried to make sure Cathy didn't get any cake in her steel blue eyes. Ruth watched Cathy with a multitude of emotions, and Harry watched both of them with just as many.

The year since Cathy's birth had been the happiest of both parent's lives. They rarely got a full night's sleep for the first six months; but when they did sleep, the bad dreams that had so often haunted their nights were usually held at bay.

Harry pulled Lucas to the side after the cake was eaten. "I truly envy you, Lucas. To do what we do and have a family is a marvelous thing."

"Thank you, Harry."

"But, a word of experience and advice to you: it's one thing to have a family and another thing to keep it."

"Don't worry, Harry. I'm not going to let anything happen to my family."

Harry simply nodded and smiled.

Later, with Ruth and Harry gone and Cathy tucked up in bed, Lucas and Haydence had a chance to catch up on some much needed cuddle time. As Lucas held Hayd from behind, she clung to his arms and started softly humming.

"Love, why don't we try to have another child?"

Lucas grinned and started nibbling her neck. "I didn't think that we were not trying."

"True. So you would be ok with it then?"

"More than ok. The more we can fill this house with the sound of happiness and laughter, the more distance I can put between myself and all those," Lucas paused, "wasted years."

"I know. Our pasts don't have as much time to plague us when we are in the present."

"So, Mrs. North, thought of any names yet?"

"Well, 'Caroline' is pretty."

"What if it's a boy? Last time we never discussed boy names since we new that you were carrying Cathy."

"You may think me unimaginative, but I've always thought 'John' was a nice name."

Lucas's mind went numb and his voice grew cold. "No. I don't like 'John' – it's a name for a nobody."

"Well, I'm sure we can figure out a name. Besides, I'm not even pregnant yet."

Lucas turned Hayd around and kissed her soundly on the lips.

"Well, Mrs. North, why don't we do something to change that?"


In the morning, Hayd watched Lucas as he dressed. He was no longer skin and bones. He was no longer the Strawman she had met almost two years ago. He looked truly healthy, and it did her heart good to see him so. Clothes seemed to fit him better now. Who was she kidding? Even his tattoos seemed to look better on him now that he was healthy. Lucas was so busy getting ready that he didn't notice Hayd's eyes on him. This was fine with Hayd as she still didn't like admitting to her own husband how much he affected her at times.

Pouring coffee and going over the morning post, Haydence stopped when she reached one envelope. Even though Lucas was busy fixing Cathy's porridge, Lucas noticed Hayd's change in mood. Cathy sat in the high chair drinking juice from a sippy-cup.

"What's wrong?"

"It's from my Aunt Lavinia in Tennessee. Five asked me for one relative that I wanted to know the truth about my situation. My Aunt Lavinia was the one I gave to them. So I wrote to her and explained everything. Even gave her my new name and numbers. Everyone else thinks I'm dead. Something's wrong, Lucas, or she wouldn't have written."

"You're Aunt?"

"My mother's sister. Haven't seen her for over twenty years."

"Well, it can't be all that bad or she would have phoned."

"Are you kidding? The woman hates technology more than I do. She only writes when someone's died."

"Don't be daft." Lucas tried not to laugh, but he couldn't imagine anyone disliking tech as much as his beloved wife. She wouldn't even go digital with her new camera but instead bought a high quality 35 mm.

"I'm not – just you see."

As Hayd opened the letter, Lucas attempted to feed the porridge to Cathy. But as he brought the spoon up to her mouth, Cathy would scrunch up her mouth in protest. Amused by his daughter's stubbornness and not even looking at Hayd, he jokingly said, "Ok then, who's dying now?"

Hayd's silence drew his attention away from his daughter. He looked at his wife and saw the moisture visible in her eyes. Hayd whispered, "She is. I'm sorry, but I have to go to her."

"That's ok. We'll both go."

"Now who's being daft? We can't both be away from the grid – especially as Harry's depending on you more and more."

"I don't know about that."

"You mark my words – you'll be section chief in no time. I'll get my leave cleared with Harry and be on the next flight out."

"What about Cathy?"

"Little Madam will come with me."

"Don't you trust me with our daughter?"

"Of course I do. But you need to stay focused on coming back in one piece each day. I don't want having Cathy on your own to break your focus."

"I know. You're right."

"Aren't I always?" Hayd smiled mischievously.

Lucas hung his head and sighed. "What am I going to do without my girls?"

"While we're gone, miss us terribly. When we get back, shag me senseless."

Lucas couldn't help but laugh. "Good answer."


At Heathrow, Lucas wouldn't stop holding Cathy and kissing her on the forehead. When Hayd finally persuaded him to put Cathy down in the stroller, he clung on to Hayd.

"Don't worry, love. We'll be safe. I promise."

"Just keep your eyes open as you're traveling."

"I will. Promise me you'll eat regularly."

"When you're not here, sometimes I just don't bother."

"I know. That's exactly why I'm making you promise."

"Ok. I promise."

Hayd looked at the enormous check-in queue. "Love, we are going to be here ages. I know you need to get back to work."

"I cleared it with Harry. They don't need me this morning."

"Are you kidding? The world always needs Lucas North."

Lucas half-laughed and dropped his head. "I love you, you impossible woman."

"I love you, too, Lucas."

One last kiss and Lucas left his wife and daughter standing in line at the airport. The queue was well past the point of being cordoned off in makeshift path with by the airline. Hayd stood in the line with Cathy in the stroller for a good half an hour before she reached the point of the proper line. Then she pushed Cathy's stroller with one hand, puller her luggage with the other hand and left the queue altogether.

Finding the furthest coffee shop from her check-in counter, Haydence sat down at the table with a dark haired woman who was obviously nervous as she sipped her tea.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Ruth Evershed immediately asked.

"No. But it needs to be done."

"What about your aunt in Tennessee?"

"Aunt Lavinia is dying, and I will go to her. But I need to do this first."

"Are you sure you don't want me to tell Harry?"

"Tell him what? That I've been getting cryptic messages that say my husband is not who he claims he is? Harry wouldn't give the notes any credit."

"Hayd this is dangerous. You could be walking right into a trap."

"I know. That's why I need you to take care of Cathy. But you cannot tell Harry or even Lucas that you have her."

"Why not?"

"Because if the letters are true, then I've made arraignments for Cathy's safety."

"Arraignments?"

"I've left you instructions. If Lucas is not Lucas, then I have plans that you must follow to keep her safe. I'm not going to let my daughter be raised by a man who won't even tell me who he really is."

"Why even believe the letters in the first place?"

"Because the letters were right about one thing. Lucas would never name a child of his 'John'."