A.N: Hello, this is the first story by Thing ONe and Thing TWo. Basically, Hogwarts puts on a production of Moulin Rouge. Spare us with the comments "But Moulin Rouge was made after they graduated" "But why would they put on a muggle play?" Just read it. If you think to hard about it, you're bound to be unimpressed.

            This has been a Thing ONe and Thing TWo Production.

ATTENTION!
Remember the school play Dumbledore mentioned first day back?
Well, we have chosen a script!

The musical will be:

MOULIN ROUGE!

All we need now are actors and actresses!

If you are in sixth year or above, come and audition on Friday, 16th of September.

Auditions will be held in the Great Hall.

WE NEED YOU!

            Parvati Patil finished reading the notice to the assembled crowd. The Gryffindor seventh years had been let out of Transfiguration early, and all of them had quickly grouped around the newly posted sign.

            "Ooh!" Lavender said. "I heard about that movie, I bet we could do a really good play!"

            Ron, Harry, and Hermione, getting the general idea of the notice, slipped out of the crowd. "That sounds interesting" Harry said, "One of us should try out."

            "Not me!" Hermione put in. "I'd be so scared, trying out in front of the teachers."

            "Well, we've still got five days before try-outs are, so if anyone changes their minds and wants to come with me…" Ron said.

            "You're going to audition?" Harry asked. "I never pegged you to be the drama type."

            "I'm not, really. I just think that this might be interesting." He shrugged. "Who cares, let's just get to dinner."

            The week went on normally. Classes were held, tests were given out, Snape tormented Harry, and Neville burnt things. But on Thursday, something finally happened. Hermione went to the girl's bathrooms (even though she has her own Head Girl room, it was located in the Gryffindor Tower, and she still used the Girl's showers) and took a shower. Seeing as she was the only one in there, she decided to indulge in something she rarely did; sing in the shower. She thought of some songs, and decided to sing one that she had heard while at her cousin's in America.

She grabs her magazines She packs her things and she goes

She leaves her pictures hangin' on the wall

She burns all her notes, and she knows

She's been here too few years to feel this old

He smokes his cigarette

He stays outside till it's gone

If anybody ever had a heart well

He wouldn't be alone and he knows

She's been here too few years to be gone

And we always say,

It would be good to go away someday

But if there's nothing here to make things change

If it's the same for you I'll just hang

            Hermione turned off the taps. She stepped out of the shower, then toweled off. As she ran a brush through her hair, she sang some more of the song.

The trouble understand

Is she got reasons he don't

Funny how he couldn't see it all

Till she grabbed up her coat

And she goes she's been here too few years

To take it all in stride

But it's still much too long to let her go (you let her go)

And we always say,

It would be good to go away someday

But if there's nothing here to make things change

If it's the same for you I'll just hang

If it's the same for you I'll always hang

Well I always say it would be

Good to go away someday

But if things don't work out like we think

And there's nothing there to ease this aching

If there's nothing there to ease this pain

If it's the same for you I'll just hang.

            She slipped on some clean robes, and opened the door. Standing in front of her were a very stunned Lavender and Parvati. "Was that you singing?" Parvati asked, mouth open.

            "Er- yeah. The song is an American one, that's probably why you've never heard it." Hermione said, guessing that the girls hadn't heard the song before.

            "It wasn't the song, it was your voice!" Lavender said, awed. "Have you always been able to sing that good?"

            "My singing is good?" Hermione was surprised. She had always thought that her voice was good, but she had never dared try and sing in front of others; she was afraid that it would sound horrible.

            "Darling, your singing is the best thing I've heard in a while." Parvati answered. "In fact," She whispered something in Lavender's ear. Lavender nodded in approval. Parvati continued, "You should try out for the play. And for the lead."

            "Oh, I don't know." Hermione said, "And besides, don't one of you want to try out for the lead instead?"

            "Oh, no, when I sing, glass breaks." Lavender said.

            "We're going to try out for two of the four whores. They're kinda the lead's back up." Said Parvati. "And we'll sign up for you, we need to got get something from the DADA room anyways."

            "Well, I suppose I'll try out, but I probably won't get it. And I'm not going to tell Harry and Ron, they'll probably make fun of me incessantly" She said, "Now excuse me, I've got some homework to do."

            Once safely locked in the bathroom, Lavender and Parvati continued their scheming. "Well, it's our luck she's such a great singer. I was going on a gamble for that." Parvati said.

            "Well, we've got her bagged, how are we going to get Harry." Lavender asked.

            "Sweet talk him up, you know, talk about how perfect he'd be for the character, just to try out for fun." Parvati said. "But there is a chance that one or both of them won't get the part."

            "Not likely, I've gone through all the candidates, I made Prof. Monroe show me the list when I signed them both up. There are only five audition spots for each of the parts, and none of the other four are that good."

            "We are so good!" Parvati said, smiling. "The matchmakers of the century!"

            After their showers, Parvati and Lavender went into the common room. They had planned their timing just right. Hermione was at the library, and she couldn't be there when they were. "Because, she's so smart she'll probably see right through our plan." Lavender whispered as they got into the crowded room. They walked to the table where the two boys were sitting. "Hi Ron, Harry." Lavender said, in a cheery voice that matched her cheery smile.

            "Hello Lavender, hi Parvati" They said.

            "So are you two going to try out for the play?" Parvati asked.

            "I am, for Toulouse" Ron said, "Harry doesn't want to try out."

            "Why not?" Lavender asked, looking scandalized.

            "Not my cup of tea, you know. I was never really the acting type." Harry shrugged.

            "Oh come one Harry, why don't you try out for the lead. You'd be perfect. From what I've read, you look just like the character. Audition Harry, it'll be fun!" Parvati said.

            "What do you mean, I look like the character?"

            "Well, you're tall, you've got messy black hair, a charming smile, and you've got this sort of look about you that makes you look kinda like an impoverished poet." Lavender told him.

            "All right, I'll try out, I've got to go sign up though right? In Prof. Monroe's room?" Harry said, finally defeated.

            "You know what, we've got a question for her, so we can go sign up for you." Lavender said. "Bye guys."

            Once outside the common room, Parvati and Lavender gave themselves high fives. "Yes, we've got them hooked!"

            Lavender leaned in and whispered to Parvati "Now, we've got to go by the auditions tomorrow and have all eyes and ears open. We don't want this to go to waste. They must be the leads, they must!"

            Classes ended after lunch that day so that was when auditions were held. Harry and Ron had decided not to tell Hermione of Harry's new intention to tryout. They decided that it would be a funny shock for her if he did get the part. And it was very good, they decided, that Hermione would be spending the time during the auditions, studying in the library. Which meant, she wouldn't stumble upon his alibi of being working in the common room a lie.

            So they were now standing in the crowd in the Great Hall, many people sat down at the long house tables, while others stood. Harry and Ron were chatting with Lavender and Parvati, when they saw a brown-haired someone enter the hall. "Hermione!" Harry and Ron yelled. She turned and saw them, waving her over. She came over to their table and sat next to Ron. "You said you were in the library." Harry said.

            "And you said you were in the common room." Hermione retorted. "Anyway, I thought that you didn't want to audition."

            "I didn't. These two," He pointed at Lavender and Parvati, "talked me into to it. Further more, they talked me into auditioning for the lead."

            "Funny" Hermione remarked, "That's the exact same thing they did to me…"

            "Hey, can you blame us for wanting an all Gryffindor cast?" Lavender said, hoping this would cover for the real intentions and praying that they wouldn't find out their little game of matchmaker.

            "Yeah, we don't want any Slytherins in the lead!" Parvati added righteously.

            Suddenly, the voice of their DADA teacher, Prof. Monroe, rang across the hall. "We are going to start with the auditions for Satine!" She said, her voice intensified with a Sonorous Charm. "Let's start with Ginny Weasley."

            "Ginny's trying out?" Lavender whispered. "What if she gets it, all of her adolescent fantasies will suddenly come true!"

            "Nope, I heard her sing once, Crabbe can probably do a better job than her!"

            Five minutes later, Ginny emerged, her face red, but she was smiling. "Next up," Monroe said, "Hermione Granger."

            "Wish me luck!" She said, getting up from her seat. She walked to the door off the side of the hall. When she got in, she was met by the stares of all the Hogwarts teachers.

            "Hello Miss. Granger." Dumbledore said, "Could you please read from the script." Hermione read some of the lines, feeling her confidence grow.

"I don't need you anymore! All my life you've made me believe I was only worth what someone would pay for me! But Christian loves me Harold. He loves me. He LOVES me! And that is worth everything. I'm going away from you, away from the Duke, away from the Moulin Rouge! Goodbye Harold."

Dumbledore signaled for her to stop. "Very nice. Now, just sing the highlighted lines, and you'll be done."

            Hermione looked at the music sheet she'd been giving. She took a deep breath, and started to sing.

I followed the night

Can't stand the light

When will I begin

To live again

One day I'll fly away

Leave all this to yesterday

What more could your love do for me

When will love be through with me

Why live life from dream to dream

And dread the day when dreaming ends

One day I'll fly away

Leave all this to yesterday

Why live life from dream to dream

And dread the day

When dreaming ends

One day I'll fly away

Fly fly away

            There was a round of clapping from the teachers. "Very good! That was wonderful." Dumbledore said. She thanked them, and walked out of the room. Hermione knew it would do no good to just sit around and wait for Ron and Harry to try-out, so she instead went to the library.

            Back in the Great Hall, after thirty-five minutes and a glass of pumpkin juice later, Harry was called. In the room where he had waited after his name had been pulled from the Goblet of Fire, the teachers were all lined up at a table. Harry very much felt like it was Judgment Day, the way all the teachers were looking at him, Snape particularly menacing. "Harry, would you please oblige us with reading the highlighted parts of this script." Harry took the paper he was given, and read off of it.

            "I first came to Paris one year ago. I knew nothing of the Moulin Rouge, Harold Zidler, or Satine. The world had been caught up in the Bohemian Revolution and I had traveled from London to be part of it. On the hill near Paris was the village of Momartre. It was not as my father had called it." Here, Dumbledore spoke for the father's part. "But instead the center of the Bohemian world. Writers, painters, musicians, they called themselves the children of the revolution. Yes, I had come to live a penniless existence and write about truth, beauty, freedom, and that which I believed in above all things, love. But there was only one problem; I'd never been in love. Right at that moment, an unconscious Argentinean fell through my roof, he was quickly joined by a dwarf dressed as a nun."

Harry was very glad that he had to stop here, he was afraid he might start laughing soon. "Very good Harry, now if you'll just sing a bit of this song, you can be on your way!" Dumbledore said.

Harry froze. He had forgotten that it was a musical. And Lavender had never mentioned the fact that he would have to sing. 'Oh well,' he thought 'might as well try'. He took a very deep breath, and then started singing.

My gift is my song

And this one's for you

You can tell everybody

This is your song

It may be quite simple

But now that it's done

I hope you don't mind

I hope you don't mind

That I put down in words

How wonderful life is now you're in the world

I sat on the roof

And I kicked off the moss

Well some of these voices they got me quite cross

But the sun's been kind

While I wrote this song

It's for people like you that keep it turned on

So excuse me forgetting 'bout these things I do

You see I've forgotten if their green or blue

And well the thing is

What I really mean

You've got the sweetest eyes I've ever seen.

            There was a sudden burst of applause from all the teachers. Even Snape looked impressed. "Very good Harry, very good!" Dumbledore said. "Now, if you'll run scoot along, we have to see your friend Ron now."

            Harry walked out into the hall feeling elated. As he left, Monroe called out Ron. "Good luck." Harry said as Ron passed him. Harry grabbed another bottled pumpkin juice and sat back down at the table.

            "How'd it go?" Lavender asked instantly.

            "Better than I expected" Harry said. "You two never told me I would have to sing though."

            "Well, we thought that you would've guessed. I mean, it did say in the advert that it was a musical." Parvati said. "Besides, your probably a great singer."

            "Well, I found out that I was. Anyway, what parts are you trying out for?" Harry asked.

            "Parts in the Four Whores." Lavender noticed Harry's face. "I know, lovely name isn't it?"

            Suddenly Ron appeared at the table. "I have to be short." He said.

            "What?"

            "Toulouse-Lautrec was a midget. I have to walk around in these weird feet things that I put my knees onto, and then it makes me look shorter." His face was ashen. "That's all they asked me to do, no singing, no line reading, just that. And I was shaking so bad, I'm not even sure if I was balancing."

            "You'll get the part, don't worry. C'mon, let's go find 'Mione." Harry said. "Well, bye girls. Tell us when they post the results."

            Two or three minutes after they left, a sixth year they didn't know came out of the room. "Hannah Abbott, Lavender Brown, Padma Patil, and Parvati Patil." Monroe said. Lavender and Parvati looked at each other. This was it. They knew they were assured a part, but which of the whores would they be?

            "Now girls, when you signed up you were given a sheet depicting the dance you have to do. We have some can-can skirts for you, and you can just slip those on over your pants. You can start when you're all ready." Dumbledore said.

            They went over to the wall and each picked up one of the white petticoats. 'All right' Lavender thought 'just dance'. And that was what she did. With a swish of her skirt, the beat came to her, and she moved, all of the others with her.

            After a heart pounding seven and a half minutes (Parvati had it timed), they stopped their dancing. As Parvati and Lavender were leaving, they noticed that Prof. Monroe was leaving too. "Professor, do you think Harry and Hermione will get their parts?" Lavender asked.

            "Well, they have my vote, and the vote of many others. I am confident that they will be our leading lady and man." She suddenly grinned. "And I am guessing I am not the only one who wants to get those two together?"

            "We've been trying for years, and now the play is our only hope!" Parvati said.

            "Good for you, those two are perfect for each other. If you'll excuse me, I have to get one of our possible Zidlers."

            That night, McGonagall came in with the list. She had various copies and posted them all around then common room. Normally, everyone would've ran up to look, but the stare she gave them told the Gryffindors to stay in their seats. When she left, everyone ran to the nearest list.

Satine: Hermione Granger

Christian: Harry Potter

Toulouse: Ron Weasley

Zidler: Justin Finch-Fletchley

The Duke: Draco Malfoy

The Argentinean: Morag McDougal

Satie: Terry Boot

The Doctor: Colin Creevy

Marie: Sally-Anne Perks

Nini One Leg in the Air: Lavender Brown

Arabia: Parvati Patil

China Doll: Padma Patil

Môme Fromage: Hannah Abbott

Warner: Vincent Crabbe

Dancers: Any girl who didn't get a part. We still need 10 dancers! If you're a fifth year, see your head of house.

            ACTORS, GET YOUR SCRIPTS NOW FROM PROF. MONROE!

            Harry, Ron, and Hermione looked at each other. "Let's go get our scripts now. We can read over them tonight." Hermione said. They walked silently down the hall, and when they got to Prof. Monroe's door, it hit them.

            "We're really going to be in the play." Harry said.

            "We're really going to be the leads." Ron said

            "We're really going to be singing in front of people." Hermione froze. Then she suddenly pulled the two of them into a hug. "I'm really going to be a prostitute, Harry's really going to be a poet, and Ron's really going to be a painter!" She said, pulling them closer, close to strangling them.

            "You can let go Hermione." Ron said, "We really need to get our scripts." Hermione let them go.

            They walked in the room, where a stack of scripts stood. Malfoy was in there getting a script too. He was flipping through it, and smiled when he saw Hermione. "Well Granger, it looks like I get to own you." He said.

            Hermione ignored the comment, though her cheeks went red. She and the boys walked up to Prof. Monroe. "We've come for our scripts." She said.

            "Well, here you go!" Professor Monroe. She handed them three heavy scripts. "You better start reading; I want you to be rehearsing off-book within by January. It's almost October now, so get on it!"

            "You mean you'll be directing?" Harry asked.

            "Yes, when Dumbledore asked for someone, I volunteered. I guess I was just crazy enough for the job." Monroe said. "Now, we're going to have our first read through tomorrow during my free period, which would be your class before lunch. Come here and don't be late, we need everyone!"

            Back up in the Head Girl's Room, Harry, Ron and Hermione sat among the books of her living space. Hermione was on the bed and Ron got her desk chair. Which left Harry with… "Why do I have to get the pink and purple make-up chair?" Harry whined.

            "Because I spent lots of time painting it. Now sit!" Hermione said. "Now, we're going to read our parts… and for someone else's… makeup a funny voice."

            They all opened the first page. Ron immediately groaned. "I have to sing? I don't want to sing!"

            "Oh go on Ron, we won't laugh." Harry said, "Besides, you don't have to sing more than me."

            "All right" Ron sighed.

There was a boy

A very strange

Enchanted boy

They say he wandered very far

Very far over land and sea

A little shy

And sad of eye

But very wise was he

And then one day

A magic day

He passed my way

And while we spoke of many things

Fools and kings

This he said to me

"The greatest thing

You'll ever learn

Is just to love

And be loved in return"

            He looked at Harry and Hermione. "Well, it wasn't spectacular, but it didn't stink either." Hermione said.

            "Yeah Ron. It was pretty good." Harry said, "Well, moving right along." He started reading again. "The Moulin Rouge. A nightclub, dance hall, and bordello. Ruled over by Harold Zidler, it was the kingdom of nighttime pleasures. Where the rich and famous would come and play with the beautiful creatures of the underworld. The most beautiful of all these was the woman I loved. Satine. As a courtesan she sold her love to men. And she was the star of the Moulin Rouge. The woman I love is…dead."

"Wait a minute!" Hermione yelled, suddenly seething with rage. "I die? I can't die!"

            "Listen Hermione, we'll find out why later, okay." Harry said. "Let's just continue." They went on reading, using funny voices for other parts. And then Harry had his first lines of song.

            "Let's just skip this." He said.

            "No," Hermione giggled. "In no way am I missing this. You're going to have to sing around us at some point. Might as well be now."

            Harry took a deep breath and then sung out, "The hills are alive with the sound of music."

            Hermione and Ron looked at each other. "Wow." Ron let out after a second. "That was brilliant!"

            And so it went. They read through the entire script, ending with Hermione's death scene, in which she fainted dramatically onto the bed.

            The next day, they all trooped into Monroe's room. The room had been set up with a long table and there were place cards for everyone. Harry and Hermione were seated across from each other ("Because," Monroe thought, "It's much more romantic to sing across from one another") and Ron was on Harry's side. On his other side was Morag. Hermione was next to Draco and Justin.

            "Okay everyone, we're here today to do the read-through. We will be doing the singing but none of the dance numbers." Monroe said. "We don't have some of the more minor characters, like Satine's doctor, various dancers, one of Zidler's assistants. But we will be getting those later. I'll be reading their parts for the time being" She looked around. "Well, I believe that's all. Oh, since we aren't in class, please call me Lauren, 'professor' sounds so stuffy for a director. Now I guess we should start."

They read through, stopping only when someone had a question or when Lauren wanted to give them some direction. Both Harry and Hermione had been embarrassed singing in front of their peers, but their fears quickly subsided. "Now, the part we're on is a very important part." Lauren was saying. "This is when Christian manages to make Satine change her mind about loving him and he does it through music. Now, if you'll please begin singing."

Harry: All you need is love

Hermione: A girl's got to eat

Harry: All you need is love

Hermione: Or she'll end up on the street

Harry: All you need is lo-o-ove

Hermione: Love is just a game

Harry: I was made for lovin' you baby you were made for lovin' me

Hermione: The only way you'd love me baby is to pay a lovely fee

Harry: Just one night, gimme just one night

Hermione: There's no way, cause you can't pay

Harry: In the name of love, one night in the name of love

Hermione: You crazy fool, I won't give in to you

Harry: Don't leave me this way, I can't survive without your sweet love, oh baby, don't leave me this way

Hermione: You'd think people would've had enough, with silly love songs

Harry: I look around me and I see, it isn't so, no

Hermione: Some people wanna fill the world, with silly love song

Harry: Well what's wrong with that, I'd like to know, cause here I go again. Love lifts us up where we belong, where eagles fly, on a mountain high

Hermione: Love makes us act like we are fools. Throw our lives away, for one happy day

Harry: We could be heroes, just for one day

Hermione: You, you will be me.

Harry: No I won't.

Hermione: And I, I'll drink all the time.

Harry: We should be lovers

Hermione: We can't do that.

Harry: We should be lovers, and that's a fact

Hermione: Though nothing would keep us together.

Harry: We could still turn just for one day

Harry and Hermione: We could be heroes forever and ever. We could be heroes forever and ever. We could be heroes

Harry: Just because I will always love you

Hermione: And I can't help loving you. How wonderful life is.

Harry and Hermione: Now you're in the world.

            All the while they had been singing, Harry and Hermione had been looking at each other, smiling. When they finished, everyone in the room clapped. "Well done!" Lauren said, "You two have perfect harmony together!"

            They read through the rest of the play. By the end, there wasn't a dry (female) eye in the room. Lavender and Parvati were sobbing and saying "Poor Satine, she didn't deserve to die!" Even Lauren was dabbing at her eyes with a handkerchief.

            "Now, tomorrow we're going to do it on stage. Well, a fake stage anyway-we're setting up a makeshift one in the Hall. We'll rehearse tomorrow right after dinner!" Lauren said. The lunch bell rang, and the room emptied.

            "Harry, Hermione," Lauren called above the crowd "Could I have a word with you?"

            Hermione and Harry put their scripts in their bags, and walked towards their teacher's desk.

            "Now, as I'm sure you noticed, this is a very romantic production." She said, looking at them straight in the eye. "I just want to make sure that neither of you have any problems with that."

            Both Harry and Hermione reddened. "N-no" Hermione mumbled. "I mean, not if Harry has any objections."

            "I don't if you don't" Harry said, looking at the floor.

            "All right then." Lauren said. "Now, why don't you two get to lunch."

            "What was that about?" Ron asked.

            "Oh, nothing." Harry said quickly, giving a knowing smile to Hermione.

A.N: Now you've read and you really should review, and another chapter will be posted by Thing ONe and Thing TWo.