Let It Go (Title in progress)
Chapter One
By Sarah Nicole Hansford
Prompt: After Sam jumps into the Pit with Lucifer and Michael, Dean gives up hunting and settles down with Castiel instead of Lisa and Ben. With Castiel, Dean tries to forget the horrors of what happened to Sam and live a normal life. (Established Destiel) Warnings: Suicidal!Dean
Dean sat against his car fighting back tears. Everything in his body hurt, his faced was bruised and battered and he had a swollen eye. He was bloody and he didn't want to think about the shape of the rest of him. Through one eye he saw Sam. Sam and Lucifer. Sam did it; he started to fall back into the pit against Lucifer's wishes but then Adam, well Michael started to grab for him. He grabbed Sam's jacket but it only made both of them fall back. Down, down, down. Out of sight and before he knew it the pit had closed up.
Dean was unable to do anything. He felt hopeless as he sat against the Impala and watched. He crawled over the rings lying on the ground where the pit used to be. He sat up on his knees and stared at the rings in dismay. The tears were trying desperately to escape but he couldn't let them. Even if everyone was dead or gone he had to be strong.
Dean felt a presence behind him and turned still on his knees to see Castiel and all his grace. His heart welled and he questioned, "Cas, you're alive?"
The angel gave him a sad look but responded warmly, "I'm better than that." The blue eyed angel touched Dean's face gently and Dean could feel the healing. His eye no longer swelled and the pain became dull. Dean stood to look straight into Castiel's eyes. He was still in utter disbelief.
"Cas, are you God?"
"That's a nice compliment but no. Although I do believe he brought me back. New and improved." Castiel answered before walking over to Bobby who still lied on the ground. Castiel knelt and touched Bobby and a second later Bobby sat up. Dean still had the rings in his hand when Bobby went over to him and gave him a hug. Castiel was waiting by the Impala. Without many words they went their separate ways.
"What are you going to do now, Cas?" Dean asked as they rode on the empty road. It had turned night while they drove and surprisingly Castiel had stayed without just popping in and out.
"I should go back to heaven. They must be in frenzy now with Michael gone…" Cas trailed off looking out the window and up into the skies.
Dean shook his head and protested, "No. I thought I lost you forever and you are not going up there again just to be God's bitch." He could feel Cas' blue eyes on him while he looked forward.
"Dean, I should go to bring order. My brothers and sisters are up there and they need help." Castiel responded softly.
Suddenly Dean pulled the car on the side road and stopped the Impala. Dean turned to look at Castiel and shouted at him trying to hold back tears, "And what about me, Cas?! I need help too! My brother is gone and I'm alone and I need help!" His eyes betrayed him as the tears started to spill down his cheeks but he went on, "I need you! I need you and I can't let you leave me like everyone else!"
Castiel stared at him in hidden shock with a look full of sympathy. He reached over and pulled Dean close to his chest. Dean breathed in his scent of soap and fresh linen. Dean cracked and started to sob into Castiel's trench coat and repeated quietly, "I need you…" Castiel stroked his hair gently.
Dean knew he shouldn't throw Castiel into his problems. Dean knew Castiel didn't know what to do. Dean knew that Castiel deserved to leave him. Dean knew this and yet he couldn't let Castiel go. Dean knew he needed someone there or else he would do something…stupid.
"Okay. I will stay with you. But, where will we go?" Castiel murmured into his hair between small kisses on the top of his head. Dean looked up at his beautiful angel.
"We will find somewhere…a small house maybe. Castiel I can't hunt. I just can't do it I need to stay somewhere and…oh God I can't believe I'm saying this but get a real job. Now that Sam is…I can't go back to that life now, Cas. Please I can't do it." Dean rambled on before Castiel laid a simple kiss on his lips to quiet him.
"I would never make you do that. I promise on my Father to stay with you, Dean." Castiel vowed and Dean began to wipe away his tears. He whispered his thanks before stealing another kiss and returning to the steering wheel.
It wasn't as if Dean hadn't thought about it. Hell, he would be lying to himself if he said it wasn't on his mind daily. But he tried to drown the thoughts with alcohol but even that wasn't helping much anymore. Dean couldn't stop thinking about what would happen, who would react, and where he would go. Would someone try to bring him back?
There seemed to be no point in helping people anymore, everyone was fucked. What was it to Dean that they died? It wasn't his responsibility. Where the hell was God in all of this anyway? Dean couldn't stop wondering about what would happen if it all…ended.
Maybe he would finally be at peace. Or just get sent back to Hell. But was Hell any worse than Earth? You were tortured either way so what was the difference?
Dean looked over to Castiel who was so oblivious to his thoughts and sighed. He couldn't leave the angel alone now that he promised to stay with Dean. Could he?
