A/N: Written for the Make Me Laugh! Challenge.

Dumbledore and the Bean

Thirteen-year-old Albus Dumbledore was in shock.

In shock of the bean currently residing in his mouth.

In shock of the vomit-flavoured bean currently residing in his mouth.

'Ew!' he cried, spitting out the bean. He pawed at his mouth, trying to get the flavour out. Albus snatched his wand up off the bedside table and attempted to clean his mouth with magic. This resulted in him choking on suds.

In his flurry, Albus tripped on his suitcase and landed on his roommate's cat. The cat yowled and shot out of the room, falling down the stairs and hitting a table in the common room. The enchanted lamp on the table tipped over and landed on the carpet, igniting it. The fire then spread rapidly around the common room, the flames forming different creatures and scaring the crap out of some of the first-years.

One of the first-years was so frightened that she fainted into her friend's arms. Her friend staggered back and hit the portrait of The Fat Lady, which swung open. A sneaky Slytherin student happened to be waiting outside, and he crept in.

The Slytherin student saw all that was going on, and pulled out his wand to escalate it. He cast a spell to enlarge the flames, but missed and hit a fifth-year instead. The student's arm started to swell, and while she screamed for help, one of her friends accidentally hit the window and opened it. A dragon-shaped flame flew out the window and into Professor Dippet's office.

Professor Dippet was so shocked that he called for help using the Floo. Ministry officials arrived and raced to Gryffindor Tower. They managed to put out the fire and save the fifth-year from exploding. The end result was a charred common room and shaky students.

When Albus came down after finally getting the taste out of his mouth and saw the commotion he had caused, he gulped and receded back into his dormitory.

And that, my friends, is why Albus Dumbledore will never eat Bertie Bott's Every Flavour Beans again.