"Look Jude, it's going to be fine." Jude's boyfriend, Dylan, said. Jude ran a hand through his hair. It was obviously not fine; he was probably going to see Connor for the first time in five years. Connor, the boy he spent most of middle school and all of high school crushing on. His best friend, that was, until college when Connor stopped answering his calls and texts. Not that Jude really wanted to tell Dylan about his past with Connor. What he had with Dylan was really good, and he didn't want some high school crush that he was supposed to be over messing that up. How he was going to handle it if Connor was actually there, he didn't know, since Dylan was coming with him.

"I'm just nervous Dylan, I mean I haven't seen most of these people since graduation, and I'm not exactly the best in social situations." Jude said, nervously adjusting his bow tie.

"I don't know, you always seem pretty comfortable when I'm around." Dylan said, swatting Jude's hands away from his tie so he could fix it himself. "There, perfect." he said, leaning in to give Jude a quick kiss.

Jude was fighting an almost unwinnable battle with himself over Connor. He wanted to tell Dylan about him, as that would probably make tonight easier to deal with. But then again, they had a conversation a couple months ago where they told each other about all their "skeletons in the closet", and Jude had conveniently left out Connor, so he didn't want to make Dylan mad because he'd never mentioned Connor before. Jude had managed to work himself into a mess, as if he hadn't learned from his family that every secret kept always turns into a mess. So rather than say anything that could prepare Dylan for what might be coming, he was just silent, grabbing Dylan's hand as they walked out of the apartment to go to the reunion.


"Jude, is that you?"

Jude tried to make himself small, hunching over the table as if that would make Connor unable to see him. But Connor had already noticed him and was walking over to the table where he and Dylan were sitting.

"Hey Connor." Jude said, trying to sound cheery. "Umm, Dylan, this is Connor. He was one of my high school friends." he continued, turning to gesture towards Dylan. "Connor, this is my boyfriend, Dylan."

"Dylan, it's nice to meet you." Connor said flatly, extending his hand for Dylan to shake. Jude groaned inwardly. This was the same treatment he had always got from Connor when they were in high school. He would be dating someone, and Connor would be polite but obviously also unhappy. It wouldn't work out, and Connor would go back to being happy, but not make any kind of move. It confused the hell out of high school Jude, but present Jude was pretty sure what it meant.

"Mind if I join you guys?" Connor asked. Dylan nodded before Jude could say no. "So how's life?"

"I—uh it's fine Connor. I'm working as a publicist for the San Diego Padres here in San Diego. Dylan and I have been dating for almost 3 years." Jude shrugged, that was the important stuff.

"Three years, wow that's really great, I'm happy for you two." Connor said, just as flatly as earlier. Jude had already had enough of this, grabbing Connor's arm and dragging him away from the table.

"We'll be right back I just need to talk to Connor for a second." Jude called over his shoulder, not looking to see what expression Dylan was giving him for this.

"What the fuck are you doing Connor?" Jude asked, once they were safely in the bathroom out of sight. "How can you just act like you didn't ignore me for five years, and then give Dylan that flat, obviously unhappy tone that you gave every boyfriend I ever had when we were in high school?" Jude continued angrily.

"I—I—I—" Connor stuttered.

"God, this is just like high school all over again. Except this time being rude to my boyfriend isn't going to get me to come crawling back to you like it did back then." Jude spat, turning to walk out the door. Connor grabbed Jude's arm, pulling him back, spinning him around and planting a kiss on his lips.

"The fuck, Connor! What the hell!" Jude said, angrily pulling away, trying to ignore the reaction his body was having to Connor kissing him. Connor still didn't speak, instead just staring at Jude. Jude turned away, walking out and this time Connor didn't stop him, just watching him walk away.

"Come on Dylan, we're leaving." Jude said, grabbing Dylan's hand and pulling him up and out of his seat

"What happened Jude?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

"But I—"

"I said I don't want to talk about it!"

"Does this have anything to do with that Connor guy?" Dylan asked cautiously. Jude froze where he stood. "I—look Jude I'm not an idiot. I saw the way he looked at you and…" he hesitated. "I saw the way you looked at him."

"Dylan can we please not—"

"Jude, just answer me one thing. Honestly, were you ever over him?" Dylan said, looking at Jude with sad eyes.

"I—" Jude mumbled, staring at his feet. Dylan sighed.

"The whole time we've been dating, I've always been afraid that you were never really into me like I was into you, but I just kinda assumed that it was part of your personality. Like you just aren't great at showing your emotions or whatever, you know? But then I saw Connor, and the look you were giving him, and it all clicked. You were never really looking for love, just for someone to fill the void that Connor left, and I'm sorry but Jude, I'm not him. It hurts that we—I lost so much time pretending our relationship was something more than it was. But Jude you—you should go after Connor. It doesn't take a lot of brains to see that you're both still head over heels for each other." Dylan leaned over, giving Jude one last hug before walking away. "Goodbye Jude."

Jude just sat on the curb, stunned by what just happened. Just like that, one encounter with Connor, and three years got thrown away just like that. It was probably really good for Connor that he wasn't anywhere near Jude right now, or else Jude would've slapped him.

Dylan had called for a taxi. It was Jude's car, Jude's apartment, Jude's everything. He'd always kept himself a little bit separated from Dylan, because he could never fully commit to him. Not while Connor still lingered in his mind.

Jude got up and slowly walked to his car, trying to ignore the tears that were welling up in his eyes. He drove to the apartment, finding it empty. Some how, he was hoping against hope that Dylan had just gone back to the apartment and would be waiting there for him to get back. Now alone, he walked to the bed, curling up in a ball and crying until there were no more tears left. Sure, Dylan was right about him and Connor, but that didn't mean that he wanted to actually be in a relationship with Connor. Connor was too confusing, too unstable, and too uncertain. He didn't know Connor like he did five years ago. What made Dylan think he just wanted to jump at Connor simply because they saw each other at their high school reunion? He and Dylan were over, he understood that, but now that he had walked out of the reunion without saying another word to Connor, it seemed pretty likely he wasn't going to see Connor again.