She looks at him, stunned. Her mouth slightly open, eyes fixated on him. The wind moves her hair slowly, just a little around her face.
She can't move. She can't make a sound.
The swing's chains creak as they scratch each others' rust. His knee is starting to bother him. She won't say anything. He starts to think this wasn't such a good idea.
"Kate, please say something." he blurts out.
She opens her mouth wider, then closes it. She's still stunned. She doesn't take her eyes off his hand.
"I-"
"Castle, I-"
She can't say it. She can't say yes, it's too much, she's not ready yet. But she can't say no either. He's looking at her, he's hurt, he's anxious. She needs to say something.
She starts finding it harder to breathe. She moves to get up. He quickly stands in front of her.
She sees the hope dying in his eyes, slowly.
No.
She grabs his suit jacket lapels and pulls him towards her. Buries her nose in his neck. She can't breathe.
He puts his arms around her, holds her tight.
He realizes what he's doing.
"You don't have to say anything you're not ready to." he whispers gently in her ear.
He sees it now. It's killing her. Having to make this decision. He strokes her hair, drawing little circles with his fingers in her scalp.
She's not moving again. She's so still. Is she breathing properly?
He feels so stupid. He can't do this, not yet. He can't let her go either. He can't let her move to DC, away from him. But he can't stop her. She loves her job. He can't make her choose.
"It's okay. Kate, it's okay," he needs to tell her.
He grabs her shoulders softly, pushes her away just a little so he can see her face. He cradles her cheek.
She looks so tired. He sees the hurt and guilt in her eyes. She has that look she had a year ago when she knocked on his door, soaking wet, apologizing.
"I can't." she finally blurts out "I'm sorry, Rick. I love you. But I can't right now."
She half smiles. But her eyes are sad. She doesn't want to break his heart. She wants him to understand her options.
Her eyes start shining a little, watering.
"No, it's okay. I know, I'm sorry. It's too soon, I wasn't thinking right" he says.
He strokes her jaw and smooths her back slowly. He's trying to make her understand. It's okay. He presses his lips to her forehead.
"You don't have to marry me today, but you need to know that I can't let you go."
"I don't want to go-" she chokes "-but that job, Castle..."
"I know."
"I don't know what to do."
"Let's go home."
"Castle-"
"Come on. I'll make you diner. We'll talk in the morning. I miss you."
She smiles. He can still see the sadness in her eyes. But she relaxes in his arms. To his relief, she's breathing normally again.
"Okay." she cracks.
The wind picks up its pace, the leaves start dancing around in the trees. She shivers. He hugs her again, tight. She puts her arms around him and whispers "I'm sorry" into his ear. So faint, he almost doesn't hear it.
He kisses her mouth softly. Doesn't pull back, prolongs the moment as much as he can. She could be gone tomorrow.
He lets her go, but takes her hand. She leads him to her car. He puts the ring back in his pocket.
They head home.
Home.
