Title: Friends to the End

Author: Ericadawn16

Prompt: The wonderful mash-up of Friends and Avengers

Character/Pairing(s): Clint/Jessica Drew, Jessica Drew/Vange Whedon, Tony/Pepper, Pepper/Natasha, Tony/Thor, Phil/Clint, Clint/Natasha, Clint/?, Natasha/?

Rating: PG-13

Warnings: Slash, lots of slash, mild language

Spoilers: a few references here and there, nothing big

Summary: What if the Avengers were more like Friends?

Beta: BIG Thanks to lavendergaia and Valoscope

The One where Loki gets a Roommate

"That probably could have gone better," Tony Stark remarked in the large rented room. He was surrounded by the other members of the Avengers.

"You mean the part where she tried to kill him at the altar and we had to stop it?" Bruce asked, shaking his head.

"Or the part where your mechanic skills were outmatched by a small child?" Clint countered with a grin. His blue eyes held a mischievous glint.

"First of all...Franklin Richards is no small child. He's more...a freak of nature. Now having your fiancé turn out to be a robot who then tries to kill you and everyone in the room...not good, but actually, I was thinking about hiring this deejay. It's been nothing but Mariah Carey for an hour now," Tony explained. Then, he took a large gulp of his drink.

"Now you know why Jessica and I eloped to Florida," Clint muttered.

"Happy," Tony spoke, "Happy had a nice wedding."

"That's because you had me plan most of it which Rebecca was not thrilled with and now Happy can't even work for me," Pepper complained.

"None of us really has any reason to talk," Steve spoke, casting a glare at Tony.

"True, how long did your marriage last again, Clint? A month? Two?" Tony asked. Pepper cleared her throat.

"Technically, the divorce hasn't been finalized yet," Clint answered.

"Where is Agent? I haven't seen him here yet. I'm sure he needs a drink...or five," Tony spoke, "before Thor finishes it off."

"Leave him alone. Barton and I have known him the longest. He went somewhere private and we'll see him again when he's ready," Natasha said with a glare.

"Then, why's Archer Boy gone?" he asked and it was true that Clint was now missing from the table.

"Maybe because you're an ass," Natasha suggested.

Clint supposed the Museum of Natural History was neutral ground. He waited for Jessica Drew to show up. When she did, he almost didn't recognize her. Usually, her hair was dyed black but today, she was wearing a wig and looser fitting clothes. He couldn't fathom why she would want to meet unless there was a snag with the divorce on her end.

"Jessica," he acknowledged with a nod. His first instinct was still to touch her, embrace her but that wasn't his place now. She had Vange for that.

"Barton," she said in a low voice.

"What's new?" he asked, trying for casual. She smiled and shook her head. Then, she took his hand and took them somewhere less populated which also happened to be a blind spot from the cameras. She undid the jacket to reveal a small bulge.

"Pregnant."

Clint reached out to steady himself on the edge of the exhibit. He felt like he'd been punched in the gut.

"What?"

"Our son," she elaborated and he tried to put words together in his head. He wasn't having much luck. Jessica laughed.

Phil Coulson didn't look up when he heard the door open. From the footsteps, he knew it was the owner of the apartment. He put one hand on his gun and the other on his taser.

"You're alive?" Loki asked with narrowed eyes.

"It appears that way. You're not the only one capable of deception," Phil spoke.

"But why are you here?" Loki questioned.

"I had planned on being at my wedding reception, followed by a flight to an exotic locale. I had even given up my apartment in favor of her apartment. Now, that's gone and by our records, you haven't even been to this apartment in at least six weeks," Phil explained. It was a large penthouse with four large rooms for bedrooms, one bathroom and a main room that shared a library, kitchen, dining area and the television area that he was using.

"Don't you have an entire tower for this purpose?" Loki asked. "With that large A?"

"And face Tony Stark with that look of pity I saw earlier? I'd rather take my chances with you."

Before Loki could think of a new retort, Phil turned the volume on the television up. It wasn't his usual fare but he didn't feel like his usual self. He wasn't sure what to think. Loki seemed to study the television with inquisitive green eyes.

"And mortals enjoy that?" he asked about the act that Phil had previously only seen illustrated in the Kama Sutra.

"Apparently. I turned it on and there it was, assumed you were a fan," Phil spoke.

"No," Loki said but didn't stop watching and after a few minutes, joined Phil on the couch.

TWO HOURS LATER...

EIGHT HOURS LATER...

TWO DAYS LATER...

The door swung open with a sudden force. Phil guessed who it was before craning his neck but it was still disappointing; five Avengers plus Pepper.

"I left my phone and car at the reception so how did you find me?" Phil asked.

"Text message," Tony answered and held up his phone. "'He's at my place. Come get him' and then there's a .gif of a kitten begging."

"But if you break the device, the kitten will not be freed because it's not real," Thor added. Phil shot Loki a dirty look.

"I don't want to leave. I don't have to. I was authorized 14 days off for my honeymoon. This is how I'm spending it."

"At least turn off the porn," Pepper spoke with disdain.

"No," Coulson refused and crossed his arms, not caring that he sounded like a child. These people had already seen him at his absolute worst.

"What would be our incentive?" Loki asked.

"Pepper and I will make out," Natasha suggested.

"This is pleasing to me," Loki agreed and turned to Phil.

"Does nothing for me," he said with a shrug. Unwilling marks often became more willing after watching Natasha make out with a woman. Phil had become immune to it. Natasha looked at Pepper who nodded.

"Fine, then Tony will make out with Thor," Natasha suggested.

"What?" Tony and Thor asked.

"No, absolutely not," Tony argued.

"Well, I suppose if you won't kiss Thor, I won't need to kiss Natasha," Pepper spoke. Tony seemed to reconsider his thoughts. "You're right; it's for the good of the team."

"Okay," Phil agreed and turned around. Pepper and Natasha went first. It was a full-on lip lock where they held onto one another and just when it looked like Tony's trousers were going to tear, they broke away.

"Your turn," Pepper spoke and patted Tony on the shoulder.

"Right," Tony said, unsure. He walked closer to Thor and Loki chuckled. Thor bent down to meet Tony's lips and it was an awkward kiss. Both men seemed unsure how much effort to put into it or where lips should go. Just as they started to find a rhythm, Phil hit the Power button on the remote and the two men pulled apart.

"I want to leave now," Pepper said and dragged Tony away. He winked at the rest of them. The other four began to follow after them.

"But I'm not coming with you," Phil spoke.

"Son of Coul, my brother-" he started and gave Loki a sad look. "He's not to be trusted."

"And you don't think I'm well aware of that?" Phil asked although he was touched that Thor was still affected over nineteen months later. "I like it here for now."

"I don't have a say in this?" Loki asked.

"Not really. I have a variety of weapons at my disposal other than the Avengers. For example, the IRS. Ever heard of an audit? It's not pretty. On the other hand, if you were to let me stay with you, we might be able to be a tiny bit more lenient about your surveillance," Phil spoke, not mentioning how Nick Fury lived just below the penthouse anyway. "I'll also pay my fair share."

Everyone looked at Loki.

"Fine, but this is temporary, I assure you," Loki agreed.

Phil started to take residence in one of the extra bedrooms. He was setting up his Captain America collection when Clint walked in. Loki seemed not to have a problem with visitors. However, Phil knew Clint well enough to know when something was different.

"What happened?" he asked. Clint shut the door behind him and sat down on the couch, just like it was Phil's office.

"I haven't told anyone else."

Phil stopped what he was doing and sat on the bed across from Clint. The Avenger had bags under his eyes and his blond hair stuck out in all directions.

"Two days ago, Jessica came to see me. She's- she's pregnant," Clint admitted. Phil was stunned for a moment. He knew this would happen someday but he wouldn't have guessed Clint would be the first to have a kid even with getting married.

"That's- that's good, right?" Phil asked. Jessica had always been responsible, except when it came to Clint, and Vange seemed nice.

"I guess, but-" Clint trailed off and Phil knew they were getting somewhere. "It wasn't like my dad was father of the year..."

"Have I ever seen you with an alcohol problem? Or strike a woman?" Phil asked. "Let me rephrase that...strike a woman without me telling you to-"

"No," he admitted.

"You're not your dad, Clint. Yeah, you fuck up sometimes but-" Phil started and with a shrug, added, "You usually mean well."

Clint took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

"Fuck, I'm...I'm going to be a dad," Clint spoke and started to laugh. Phil smiled at him.