Hi,]
This is Nolan's thoughts when he is told Padma is dead. Please R&R.
Spoilers for 2x18
"Nolan we should take a walk outside" Emily said.
"Why?" I said this wasn't normal Emily behaviour. Then I saw the saddness on Emily and Adian's faces and I knew my deepest fear had come true.
"Padma?" I said the expression on their faces confirmed it.
She was dead. The love of my life was dead. She was dead because of me. If I had protected her better she wouldn't be dead she would be hear safe in my arms safe not dead. I those last few seconds my whole world had come crashing down around me. I felt crushed like nothing else would ever matter other than the fact that the love of my life was dead.
Tears stung my eyes as I thought of the last thing I had said to her,
" I promise to keep you safe" the only promise I had ever made to her and I couldn't even keep one promise. I was all my fault she was dead. I had put her in danger which had cost her the greatest price, her life.
What kind of person was I? I had let an innocent, beautiful, perfect girl die. And now many more would also die at hands of carrion.
"Six weeks I holding out hope, I'm such and idiot" I said as I left the ballroom tears already dripping down my face.
"Nolan please stop" I could hear Emily behind me trying desperately to comfort me but it was no use.
"These people" I paused to take I laboured breath but what was the use, she was gone and there was nothing left to live for. " She got dragged into this because of me, I am to blame" I had never believed any set of word as much as I did those, I had practically killed her.
"No your not" Emily still trying desperately to comfort me.
"Yes I am, and so are you, and everyone else who let this happen" I regretted those last words as soon as they left my mouth, Emily had done nothing wrong, or anyone else for that matter. I was to blame, no-one else.
"You're right, I'm sorry" Emily had no reason to apologize but I could correct her without totally losing it and this was not the place to break down in tears.
"I loved her" those words were all I could say now. I had nothing to say other than I loved her.
"She loved you" Emily's words did little to help. When she saw that I was soon going to break down, she stepped forward and pulled me into a hug. As soon as the tears started to fall down my face I pulled away not wanting to give her any reason to abandon her current anti-grason plan she had worked to hard for me to ruin it.
"You have to get back in there" I said trying to hold back future tears so she wouldn't be dissuaded from her plans. I didn't matter I was as good as a killer.
"Nolan this doesn't matter anymore" She said trying to tell me that needing her there as a friend was fine, but I could never be that selfish.
"yes, Ems it does" I replied. It did matter more than she would ever know.
"I'm not leaving you alone Nolan" she pleaded obviously intent on making sure I got through this alright. I knew she cared about me but I couldn't let her sacrifice her mission for me.
"I love you too" she was one of the few people I had left in my life who truly cared about me given I had lost both my parents and my one true sole mate. "It's just I have to deal with this on my own ok? I'll be ok, I promise" I turned and left before she had a chance to say otherwise.
She was gone. And it was all my fault.
So what do you think? please R&R
