DISCLAIMER: All rights are exclusively Cameron and Eglee Productions.

Title: Reflections

Written: December 13, 2000

Max stands on the Needle-top with the wind blowing in her air trying to figure out the pieces to a gigantic puzzle.  It's not about finding the others.  It's about finding whose the right one for her.  Zach?  Long-lost brother.  Logan?  Eyes Only. 

Zach's voice on the phone brought instantaneous comfort to me. 

I didn't care at the time he was interrupting Original Cindy.  I just felt immediate relief.  There wasn't a problem he couldn't fix.  He proved it very well when I was hightailing my ass away from the bullets ricocheting everywhere around me from the Seattle Police Department. 

The assholes actually thought they could nail me.  Fat chance. 

I felt like laughing when I was flying in the air on the rope Zach had only set up a few minutes beforehand.  I landed on the city bus and jumped without delay onto Logan's car.  I slid into the front seat without a glitch and I smiled at both of them before we jetted out of there.  I knew every plan of Zach's was foolproof, provided none of us made a mistake. 

We didn't. 

And we were outta there. 

All the women were looking around in absolute joy.  The terrorists were letting us go.  They were actually showing mercy.  I knew something was up.  Why would they suddenly let us all go?  I wasn't about to leave until I found out.  Besides I wanted to take the little boy with me.  He didn't deserve to live a life as a scientific experiment.  I'd been through that hell.  There's no reason he had to.

I was led out of the terrorist scenario when I saw none other than Logan Cale.  The moron had actually tried to save my life.  I didn't want to draw any attention to us.  But I mentally reminded myself to give him a lesson on my abilities.  Well, as soon as I got away from the guards. 

It didn't take me long to disarm my guard.  All I needed was a tiny bit of feminine charm.  I simply sprained my ankle and asked for his help; the boy just fell for it.  This is one pretty girl that doesn't like to be touched by scum. 

It was really surprising that I saved Lydecker's life, but that isn't the most important thing.  Not only did I have to tell Eyes Only a piece of my mind.  I had to fly off a building, grab Logan's hand, and save his life before he met a tragic death by splattering into million of gruesome pieces.  It's all in a day of being Max.  I suppose the only awkward part of this day was when I sort of landed on top of Logan when we crashed through the hotel window. 

What made the adventure all that much worse?  I forgot to pocket a few hotel towels.  That bugged me for a few days.  At least the little boy isn't going to grow up analyzed over and over again by government officials.  He was forever out of the reach of Lydecker and people like Lydecker. 

I touched the motorcycle.  I recognized it almost at once.  It was the same one that had been racing against me last night.  I wondered if Zach had known all along where to find me.  If he had known it was me right beside him, giving him the race of his life. 

He entered the apartment as I was having those thoughts.  We had a small scuffle before I whispered, "Zach?"

He didn't talk all that much.  It didn't surprise me much. 

Zach was more of a doer than a talker.  I was more of the talker.  I guess that was why we got along so well.  I kept wanting to know more.  But he wouldn't tell me.  I understood why. 

We were all safer if we didn't know. 

I held Bast in my hands when Logan's bodyguard, do-it-all guy found me.  I was thinking this was going to be a relatively easy nab.  It was until that moment.  It sort of stank for a few minutes after that.  I forgot my thoughts when Logan started talking to me. 

I started looking around when he started rambling.  He had a real nice place.  Too bad I couldn't rip him off more. 

Then he pulled me in front of a mirror.  I should have known it he was going to flatter me.  He told me I was beautiful.  I think I fell for it at that moment.  He told me he knew I was special.  He touched my hair.  I knew I shouldn't have let him done that.  But it felt good.  He caressed my hair. 

Before I could do anything, he bared my hair away from my neck and exposed my barcode. 

He told me he could find the others like me.  I didn't trust him then.  How could I?

Logan turned out to be a good guy.  Too bad I didn't help him out before he got his body crippled for life.  I felt bad for awhile.  It was probably the news cast that changed my mind in helping him.  If I had been there, maybe I could have saved the mother a few moments of anxiety in a life filled with it. 

And he--, he probably wouldn't be a paraplegic. 

He was also Mr. Eyes Only.  He never blamed me.  After all he was the incurable do good person.  He had no right to be lecturing me about the problem I caused him.  Not that I would have done anything it if he had.  It had been my fault.  Plain and simple. 

Logan Cale proved was above all that. 

And he was the only one I wanted to go to when my tryptophan ran out.  He was the only one I trusted.  Even though I knew him for a scant second compared to Xandra and Original Cindy.  I think even then I suspected he cared.  

Not only did he manage to explain to Xandra and Original Cindy that I didn't have a drug problem; he miraculously deleted my criminal record in the nick of time before Lydecker discovered what I looked like.  I owed him after that one.  But strangely I didn't think he cared if I ever repaid him.  He was that sort of person. 

Zach has a way of appearing when I need him.  Or when he needs something from me. 

Not that I mind much.  Especially since this was concerning, Brin.  Brin.  It's been a long time since I thought of the specific names of my brothers and sisters.  It was easier just thinking of them as a group.  When I thought of them separately.  I remembered all that we had been through.  And it was tough. 

Zach nearly collapsed in my arms as he asked for my help.  I knew what I had to do.  I also knew he wouldn't like it much.  I took Zach to Logan's. 

Zach pretty much did what I expected him to do.  He questioned my reasoning in bringing him to Logan for help.  But I explained to him that Logan was a friend I trusted with all my heart, leaving out the heart part. 

Zach still didn't take anything for granted.  And when I wanted to get Brin out of what we thought were Lydecker's hands?  He shrugged it off and said we couldn't take the risk.  Logan stepped in and said one phrase that summed me all up, "She'll do it whether you're with her or not."

I've got a mind of my own. 

And I damn will use it.  I'm not genetically made killing machine without being mentally sure of what I am capable of.  Besides, what's the use of having this body if I can't go with a crazy plan and execute it perfectly? 

"So are you with her?  Or not?"  Logan inquired.

Zach was with us.

We had a few bugs, especially when it turned out Lydecker wasn't the one who had caught Brin.  It didn't hurt too much when he betrayed us when we went through so much trouble in getting him.  Lydecker was Lydecker. 

It turned out Brin had an advanced aging disease and she chose to go back to Manticore to save her life.  I didn't blame her.  If I was dying that way, maybe--.  Maybe I would go back to that hell.  Maybe. 

Zach always said he would rather die than go back.  I hope I would too.

Zach had just saved my ass again.  I owe it all to him that I got away from Lydecker's strangle hold over that sector of Seattle.  And I owe it all to Logan for following Zach's instructions to perfection. 

As we were driving to the cabin Logan's parents' owned, I was thinking of the 5 chess games I had gotten away with winning at remarkable ease.  He had said it wasn't fair that I had used my gifts against him.  And I had to tell him that life wasn't fair. 

It wasn't fair I was leaving him like this.  Drifting away like this.  The music really caught my attention.  It was sweetly sad, in sort of a funky way.  I should have known that Eyes Only was a classical boy through and through. 

We arrived at the cabin, and Zach as always seemed to take everything in stride.  He took the keys from Logan and left us alone.  It was in those last few minutes that I fully took in the impact of my predicament.  I should have left when Zach had asked me the first time.  I damn sure have left the second time, especially after Lydecker knew what we looked like.  But I was a fool.

I sat next to Logan.  And I didn't want to say good-bye.  I even-- I even asked if he wanted to go cruising with us, for the lack of a better term.  See the world with us.  He mentioned his handicap—the wheelchair.  I said hell with the wheelchair.  It had never slowed him down before.  I regretted when I blurt out that he was too busy trying to help the downtrodden to hang around with me.  He agreed.  I'm so inconsiderate at times. 

I abruptly got out of the car.  I had said enough of my sorry good-byes.  Then-- I had to go back.  I had to give him the best good-bye I knew how to give. 

I kissed him. 

I kissed him hard. 

A lot of passions I can't explain went into that kiss.  I was holding his face in my hands, as he had been holding me that night in comfort when I was shaking from the lack of tryptophan.  Seizuring.

And he responded. 

He kissed me hard. 

His hands cupped my head to his lips.  He tasted good.  It felt like a lifetime had gone by with that kiss.  But I knew it couldn't have been more than a minute. 

We broke the kiss and he said, "You'd better go."

I left him there.  I didn't know that he was going through surgery the next day.  Or I would have gone back to Seattle and said fuck it.  Lydecker, I'm not afraid of you. 

I was surprised that Zach hadn't insist that we be over the border by dawn.  I was even more surprised when he said, "Why waste this?"

He gestured around.  He was right.  It was nice.  And it was all Logan's.  I could have guessed that this cozy cabin was Logan's signature.  Logan was just a fuzzy kind of guy. 

I was looking all glum.  Zach was always keen in emotional sort of things.  He had to be. 

He poured the wine in two glasses for me and him.  I took it with reservation before I took a sip.  I needed something to keep the chill down because I had let Logan go back into that city without saying what I should have said.  He told me he understood 

He knew I had emotional ties to Logan.  He knew what I felt for Logan.  He knew I was thinking about Logan.  He knew I wanted to be back in Seattle with Logan.  But I was stuck with him.

Damn you, Zach. 

Then he confessed to me he also had weaknesses.  My attention began to pick up.  Zach had never remotely talked like this before.  He said he wanted someone to care about, like I cared about Logan. 

He touched my face. 

Softly. 

Ever so tenderly. 

I wanted to curse inside.  I wanted to ask him what the hell was he doing?  But I couldn't.  He had just bared as much as he could bare of his soul to me.  Max. 

I called Logan the next day.  I felt anxious.  I needed to hear his voice.  I needed to hear him convince me everything was going to be alright.  Like he always does.  I needed him to tell me again, "You'd better go, Max."

Instead, I got Logan's messenger boy.  He refused to tell me, in the beginning that Logan was in trouble.  The speakers gave it away.  He admitted everything about Logan's condition.  And I knew I was getting on the next bus to Seattle.  There was no way my Eyes Only was going to die one me. 

I was out the door before Zach caught up to me.  I expected him to.  He would question where was I going?  I'd tell him.  And bygones be bygones, I'd be outta there in a flash.  I didn't expect him to do more than shrug when I told him why I was going back.  He supposedly understood.  Except he did more than shrug.  He said I had to get through him.

Then he made me mad, "Think you're in the game, Max?"

He slammed me to the ground.

"Yeah, I think I am."

I shook myself out of that and used his weight against him as I crushed him to the ground with my weight.  We stared at each other for a second.  He conceded. 

I was sorry to hurt him.  Or his pride. 

Didn't take long before I was in Seattle.  I had heard enough of the diagnosis from the doctor's.  Logan was damn lucky that I decided to come back into town.  If it wasn't for me, he'd again be looking at a life under the dirt. 

I murmured to him as I jabbed the needle into my vein, "Lucky for you, I'm the universal donor.  Manticore thought it was funny if the genetic killing machines could also save lives."

It didn't take long for the hospital video cameras to pick me up.  As the police dragged me out, I shouted at the doctor, "Did it work?  Did it work?"

I didn't hear the amazement in the doctor voice as he exclaimed, "Really?"

The nurse had just said, "110 over 190."

I hadn't caught that.  If I had I would have realized it had worked.  Logan was going to live. 

I was in a jail cell.  I rolled my eyes into the back of my head.  It's all over.  I'm going back to Manticore.  Logan's in a hospital, dying.  I'm here, going to hell.  And I don't even know if he's going to live.  I hate losing to Lydecker. 

It must have been my lucky day. 

For some reason, the Seattle Police Department decided to release us.  I had to ask why, the releasing officer simply said, "The real murder confessed.  He's being taken into custody."

Somehow I knew who it was before he even said anything. 

Damn you, Zach.

And that calls for an entirely different tone. 

I watched beside Logan's police buddy as Zach was taken into custody.  I'm sure Lydecker was just pissing in his pants for joy.  He had just caught the leader of X-5.  Dammit. 

Zach saw me.  He struggled a bit.  It was no use. 

They had him in steel and five guys holding him.  His gaze took my breath away.  I wanted to erase what I had done.  I'd wish I hadn't been foolish and gone back to save Logan's life.  It didn't matter in that instance.  Nothing mattered but Zach. 

But that feeling vanished as Zach was pulled away from my view. 

I still had one feeling from that gaze.  He had done it all for me.  He cared for me.  He really cared for me.  He would always take care of me, that one glance told me.  I had too many people looking out for me. 

First the child Zach.  Then Logan.  Now the adult Zach. 

It was too much. 

I'm just Max.  I'm deformed, tryptophan needy Max. 

I'm not special. 

But I am.  Somehow.  To them. 

I went to the hospital later.  And Logan said something that struck a chord. 

"You know.  He cares for you more than as a brother."

Damn, I thought.  I think I already knew.  I think I knew from the moment Zach looked at me.  He was always looking at me.  Searching.  Searching for caring. 

And then Logan just had to ramble that the kiss didn't matter when I wanted to talk about it.  I wanted to scream.  I somehow managed to vibe out the kiss didn't matter to me either, in a totally cute conversation.  Everything was not going the way I planned it. 

I didn't mean for him to just take back the kiss.

The kiss-- it had been something.  

I don't kiss a guy for nothing.  And I damn sure hadn't kissed Logan just to kiss him.  It had a reason behind it.  I just didn't know the reason. 

So I let Logan think the kiss was nothing.  It was better that way until I had the reason down myself of why I actually kissed him. 

I stood on the building of a vacant Seattle building.  Just thinking. 

About life. 

Everything that had happened since I met Logan swept through me.  Then when I met Zach again.  I thought of it all.  Those two were always saving my ass, even from the very beginning.  Damn, even Logan somehow began a hero. 

My thoughts shifted to Zach.  I should have realized that he cared for me more than a sister.  He always helped me.  Even back in Manticore, he helped me more than he should have.  I never would have escaped without him.  And I had always been more attached to him than I had been to the others.  He was my big brother. 

He was-- he was everything to me. 

The way he touched me that night in the cabin.  It changed everything.  Nothing would be the same between us. 

I'm glad I found out a few days ago that the helicopter carrying him had crashed.  I couldn't bear the thought of him in Manticore.  Because he would be more dead than if he were actually dead.  And I knew he wasn't.  It's just a feeling inside. 

Then there's Logan.  And that kiss.  That kiss that came out of no where.  No, I can't say that.  It's been a action just waiting to happen.  After all, I'm not a shy kind of girl.  It was going to happen one way or another.  My take on it?  I'd wished it had been longer. 

And wetter.  More tongue to tongue contact. 

And whose the one for me? 

Logan or Zach?

Time will tell?  Yeah, right.  I'll wait for that moment.  If it ever comes…

Author's Note:  Please Review.  A Review is like a Thankyou.  And it shows the Reader's Appreciation.  And that's the greatest thing you can give to the Author.  So Review ^_^. 

Also I plan to release Reflections 2 when I get enough of an even split of Max's take on Logan/Zach.  I might do a Short Story on my take on Zach's return for Christmas.  No promises.  If I don't do it as a Christmas story, I won't do it.  Let me know if you want it. 

Not all the scenes are accurate.  I left quite a few out.  I included the best ones.  And its my opinion on what I think Max would think.  Some of the quotes are off.  I tried to remember them as best as I could.  I'd appreciate any comments.  There like food for the hungry. 

It's always nice knowing someone like's what you write.  Thankyou.