A/N: Since so many of you liked my 'Rocket's Nightmare' one-shot, I figured I'd do another one, but this time, this one will have humor in it. In this story, Rocket hasn't bathed in over two weeks and the Guardians are getting sick of having to put up with Rocket's BO, so they decide to do something about it. Enjoy!
Drax, Gamora, and Groot met up in the sleeping quarters of their ship where Quill was waiting for them.
"First of all, I wanted to thank you for meeting with me here on such short notice" Quill said s he sat down on his bed.
"This had better be worth our time, Quill" Gamora said as she sat down on her bed across from Quill's bed. Drax and Groot sat down on their beds.
"I am Groot? (Why isn't Rocket here with us?)" Groot asked as he looked at Rocket's bed to see his friend wasn't there.
"Well, that's because the matter I'm about to speak to you guys about. This concerns Rocket" Quill said to the human-like tree.
"What is it about him that needs to be addressed so urgently?" Drax asked his leader. Quill then cleared his throat and then stood up from his bed.
"Rocket stinks. Really really bad" Quill said, just cutting to the chase.
"Tell me about it" Gamora said rolling her eyes.
"He smells like garbage" Drax said putting a hand up to cover his nose.
"I am Groot (He hasn't taken a shower or a bath for two weeks)" Groot pointed out.
"Yes, thank you, Groot. He hasn't bathed for two weeks and the ship is starting to smell because of him" Quill said as he sat back down on his bed. It was true, Rocket hadn't set foot in a shower or bathtub for two weeks, nobody knew why but he just didn't and it was starting to make the others sick as well as the whole ship smell.
"He's been doing all the dirty chores out of all of us on the ship, and it's just adding to his odor" Drax said.
"Yeah, and that's why I called you here. We're gonna give our little raccoon friend a much needed bath" Quill said. The other Guardians smiled at this, now was the time to get rid of Rocket's BO once and for all.
"I'm in" Gamora said standing up.
"Anything to get rid of my friend's terrible smell" Drax said standing up next to Gamora.
"I am Groot (count me on the action too)" Groot said agreeing with the others. Quill then signaled all of them to get closer.
"Okay, this is what we're gonna do..." and he whispered his plan to the others.
A few minutes later, Rocket had come back from running a few laps around the plaza on Xandar for exercise. The sweat was adding to the creature's smell and it kept on getting worst and worst by the minute.
"I'm back, guys!" Rocket called out to the others as he got on board the ship and his putrid smell filled the air like an air freshener that was passed it's expiration date. It made everyone else gag to be honest.
"Hey, I was actually wondering if you could help us with the lights on the ship. The wiring is faulty so I need someone to look at it for us" Quill explained.
"Leave it to me, Quill" Rocket said picking up the red metal toolbox from underneath his seat of the ship and walked into the hallway of the ship. Once Rocket was out of sight, Quill spoke.
"Thank God he bought it" Quill said relived. He felt like Rocket wasn't gonna take the bait.
"I know, I thought he knew we were on to him for a second" Gamora said with a nervous smile. Quill then turned to Drax.
"Alright Drax, go start filling up the tub with water" Quill instructed. Drax nodded and ran off to the ship's bathroom.
"Gamora, go meet up with Groot" Quill said turning his head to his green skinned companion. Gamora nodded and left the bridge. Quill then opened up a sliding silver door to reveal several bottles of shampoo, seven sponges, twelve bars of soap, and a few sticks of deodorant.
Meanwhile, Rocket got on a small latter and climbed up to the ceiling to see an opened hatch in the ceiling. Once he got up there, he turned on a flashlight and began looking around to try and find the faulty wire in the chamber. He then noticed several green wires were moving by themselves and they lunged themselves at Rocket and tied the raccoon up.
"What the!? What's going on here!?" Rocket cried out as he struggled to break free. The green wires then lowered Rocket down back into the hallway to reveal that the green wires were actually vines coming from Groot's fingertips.
"I am Groot (I'm sorry Rocket, but this is for your own good)" Groot said as Rocket kept on struggling to get free from the vines that tightly bound Rocket.
"What do you mean it's for my own good? What are you talking about?" Rocket asked. They then turned to see Gamora.
"Good job, Groot" Gamora congratulated. She then pulled out a knife and with one small cut, Rocket's belt was cut off and his clothes fell to the floor.
"What the heck? That was my favorite outfit!" Rocket said as he covered up himself with embarrassment. Gamora then nodded at Groot and signaled him to follow her. Groot followed her with the vine bound Rocket into the ship's bathroom where Quill and Drax were waiting near a water filled tub.
"What are you doing!? No! Don't make me go in there! You can't make me!" Rocket cried out in outrage. Groot then had Rocket dangling over the tub and untied Rocket, causing the raccoon to drop into the water. Rocket then rose to the surface all wet and sat in the tub with his arms crossed.
"We're sorry, but you haven't washed yourself in twelve days" Quill said.
"That's two weeks of no showering or bathing at all, Rocket" Drax piped in.
"So what? It's not like it's hurting anyone" Rocket complained shrugging his shoulders.
"I am Groot (Actually it is. Your stink has been spreading through the air, and now the ship smells like you)" Groot pointed out.
"Now we have decided that we have had enough. You're getting a bath and that's final" Gamora said. Rocket growled at them and tried to get out, but Groot shot out two vines out of his index and middle finger of his left hand and wrapped themselves tightly around Rocket's wrists, lifting them halfway up into the air.
"Groot, let me go!" Rocket demanded. Groot just shook his head and looked at Quill and Gamora. The two of them nodded and picked up a sponge and got it wet. Then they rubbed a bar of soap on the sponge until it was sudsy.
"Let's take care of his armpits first" Quill said.
"Agreed" Gamora replied. Groot lifted Rocket's arms up higher a little and they began scrubbing underneath Rocket's arms.
"Stop it! It hurts!" Rocket shouted.
"Oh come on, it doesn't hurt that bad" Quill said. Rocket struggled to break free, but he wasn't successful. After a minute and a half of scrubbing, Rocket's armpits were covered it suds and there were bits of soap stuck in his fur.
"Alright, let's rinse" Quill said. He then grabbed the extendable shower head and brought it down to Rocket's level. Quill then sprayed Rocket's soapy armpits until they were completely clear of the soap bits and suds.
"That wasn't so bad, now was it?" Gamora asked with a raised eyebrow. Rocket growled and shook his head.
"You're bathing me against my will! That was bad!" Rocket complained again with a snarl. Gamora and Quill rolled their eyes and groaned. Quill then turned to Drax.
"You're up" Quill said handing Drax a bottle of purple colored shampoo. Drax took the bottle and took the cap off.
"You had better not be doing what I think you're doing" Rocket snarled at his red tattooed alien friend.
"I'm sorry, but your body must be cleansed in order to keep the ship nice and fresh" Drax said. He then squeezed the bottle and a large blob of shampoo fell onto Rocket's head.
"Brr, that's cold" Rocket said shivering and his teeth were chattering.
"It won't be cold for long" Drax stated. He then rubbed the shampoo into the fur on Rocket's head and he even scrubbed the shampoo into the areas behind his ears and his neck fur too. Rocket shut his eyes tightly so none of the shampoo would get into his eyes.
"Will you just stop it!? I'm clean now! Stop it!" Rocket demanded. Drax looked to Quill and he shook his head.
"I am Groot (I think you can rinse him off now)" Groot said. Drax nodded and grabbed onto the shower head. With a flick of the switch, the water came out and sprayed Rocket's head. As soon as all of the shampoo was out of Rocket's head, Drax turned to Groot.
"Alright, it is your turn now" Drax said.
"I am Groot (Don't worry, I'll be sure to scrub him real good)" Groot said as he held up his other hand made two vines come out of his middle and index fingers. The vines then grabbed a brush and a bar of soap.
"I am Groot (Hold still and it'll be over soon)" Groot said to his friend.
"I don't want it to be over soon! I want it to be over now! I never wanted a bath to begin with!" Rocket shouted.
"I am Groot (Too bad)" Groot said as her rubbed some soap on Rocket's back and then used the brush to scrub the soap deep into the fur on Rocket's back. Rocket then began purring.
"Oh, that actually feels really good. Keep scrubbing right there buddy, keep on scrubbing" Rocket said softly in between his purrs. The other Guardians actually held back laughs after hearing what Rocket said, he was actually enjoying this part of his bath.
"Go to his stomach" Gamora whispered. Groot winked and then stopped scrubbing his back and rubbed the soap on Rocket's furry stomach and then began scrubbing.
"Stop it! Ahahahahahahahahahaha! Stop it! That tickles!" Rocket laughed and laughed as the brush kept on tickling him as Groot scrubbed. Everyone else was smiling at this part, this was the first time they've ever seen Rocket loosen up (Except for Groot, that one night he had to calm Rocket down after a nightmare and he slept with the raccoon to prevent further nightmares and provide comfort).
"Ready to get his feet?" Drax asked Groot with a smile.
"I am Groot (On it, Drax)" Groot responded. He made two more vines come out of his ring and pinkie fingers and wrapped them around Rocket's ankles and raised them up out of the water to reveal his feet.
"Groot? What are you thinking about?" Rocket asked nervously looking to his friend. Groot gave off a mischievous smile and rubbed some soap on Rocket's soles, and Rocket began giggling.
"G-Groot, s-s-s-s-s-stop that" Rocket said in between his giggle fit. Groot then stopped rubbing the soap on Rocket's feet and then began scrubbing them with the brush.
"Stop it! Pleeeeeeeeeaahahahahahahahahase! I'm ticklish there to! Stop it! Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!" Rocket laughed. Groot kept on scrubbing for several minutes, not because he wanted to scrub really good, but because he wanted to keep on tickle torturing Rocket with the brush.
"Alright Groot, that's enough. His feet are clean now" Quill instructed. Groot nodded and stopped scrubbing Rocket's feet, causing the raccoon's laughter to die down. Groot then made another vine come out of his thumb and used it to pick up the shower head and rinse Rocket's back, stomach, and feet off.
"I think that's enough now" Quill said. Gamora then reached into the tub and pulled the plug, causing the bathtub to drain of all the soapy and bubbly water. Groot then lifted Rocket out of the tub and Drax began drying Rocket completely off with a burgundy towel.
"There you go, all clean and dry" Drax said. Rocket was dry, but his fur was all puffy. This caused Quill and Groot to hold back laughs as well as Gamora and Drax.
"I have a hairbrush" Quill said as he pulled out a hairbrush from the drawer underneath the sink.
"I am Groot (Let me do the honors)" Groot said.
"All yours" Quill said tossing Groot the brush. Groot caught the brush with one of the vines and then brushed Rocket's fur down. After a while, Rocket's fur was all brushed down and Groot let Rocket go.
"Do. Not. Do that. Ever. Again" Rocket said pointing one finger at his friends with an angry look and a growl. Drax then tossed Rocket one of his spare outfits and put it on.
"But don't you at least feel better now that you don't smell like a dumpster anymore?" Quill asked. Rocket just rolled his eyes and shrugged. Drax then bent down to smell Rocket.
"You smell like Spring" Drax said after a long whiff of Rocket's freshly cleansed fur. Rocket growled and walked away out of the bathroom.
"Well, at least we got him clean" Quill said.
"Agreed" everyone else said.
"I am Groot (Same here)" Groot replied. The four of them all walked back to the bridge of the ship and then took off into space, leaving Xandar.
A/N: There it is, how did you all like it? Was it funny? Cute? Or both? Please tell me what you thought of it. Please review, thanks!
